


Drabbles

by EnsorcelledReader



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Anal Sex, Blow Job, Bulges and Nooks, Dirty Talk, F/F, F/M, Fingering, Gen, M/M, Marathon Sex, Masturbation, Morning Sex, Multi, Nipple Play, Orgasm Delay, Orgasm Denial, Other, Public Sex, Rimming, Shy Sex, Vibrators, lap dance, suggestive roleplay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-16
Updated: 2016-11-20
Packaged: 2018-06-02 12:37:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 100
Words: 56,764
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6566437
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EnsorcelledReader/pseuds/EnsorcelledReader
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>So, these are just drabbles based on homestuck sexcannons, sometimes sad canons, prompts presented by myself or submitted to me by others on my blog, and misc. artwork. There is no storyline and nothing is related to anything else. I also don't really proofread these (I mostly do them at night as a way to relax), but there shouldn't be a huge amount of typos or anything. The titles of each chapter will let you know which couple is featured in that drabble and the chapter summary will contain tags for what that drabble contains.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. DirkJake

**Author's Note:**

> Based on Sexcannon 9375: Dirk likes surprising Jake with morning blow jobs. It turns Jake on to see Dirk under the blanket with his mouth around wrapped around his dick.
> 
> Warnings: Morning sex & Blow Jobs

Dirk stretched his arms and arched his back, toes reaching until a long satisfying stretch was felt in his entire body. Lazy Saturday mornings, something to treasure and exploit. Jake was fast asleep with a morning boner standing at attention, it’s been a while; both of them were worked too hard during the holiday season. Thank god that’s over.

Dirk ducked under the blankets, the light from the room filtering through the blankets, creating a nice light to see the tent in Jake’s pants. Dirk licked his lips and his mouth watered, he couldn’t wait to hear Jake when he woke up. Dirk pulled down the adventurer’s pajama pants and was pleasantly surprised to find Jake had gone commando for the night. His penis languidly sprung free and Dirk licked it from base to head, kissing it back down the shaft before sucking his way back up, a hand adding squeezes and touches where he felt they were needed. Jake began to shift under him, the brunette would be awake soon. Dirk swirled his tongue around the tip and took in all of Jake. Brightness filled his vision, Jake was up.

Jake saw his husband around his dick, hair mussed from the previous night’s sleep, gorgeous red lips around his cock, half covered by the darkness of the blanket, like the blonde was his little secret, something that belonged to him and him alone. The blonde pulled up, only half of Jake in his mouth. A spit sheen decorated the page’s phallus and rosy hue adorned his lover. His dick twitched inside his paramour’s mouth. Dirk just looked at him and winked before returning to his worship as Jake did his part, making noise.

“Oh god! Yes! Fuck, too good. Too good!”

Dirk moaned around him and ecstasy consumed him. Their lazy Saturday had just begun, and there was plenty of fun to still be had.


	2. DirkJake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sexcannon #8112: Dirk is extremely shy during sex.
> 
> Tags: Shy sex/ Anal sex.

Jake kissed Dirk, first a sweet closed mouth kiss, melting into something more passionate. Dirk was hesitant as always. The brunette coaxed the blondes tongue into his mouth, sucking the appendage and earning a whimper from his boyfriend. Wandering down, kissing his neck until he reached that delectable little spot between his neck and shoulder. He heard a moan and pulled away, his victim covered in incarnadine arousal, face hidden underneath long fingers.

The page pulled him towards their bedroom, just down the hall. Once there, he motioned for Dirk to sit, returning to the red face, kissing along the jaw. The second hand joined the first, blocking Jake’s advancement. The adventurer remedied this by taking one of the hands in his own, kissing the palm and each of the fingers. Green eyes spied orange from a corner glance, “You’re quite adorable like this, Dirk.” The prince reacted to sex this way, from their very first time, now over a year ago. Jake had been pleasantly surprised by it, he liked slowly enticing Dirk into things, taking the lead and seeing his paramour vulnerable. Most of all, he liked that he was the only one to ever see Dirk in such a state.

Shirts were removed and kisses shared once more, a whisper “If it’s too much, say so, I’ll stop right away. I promise.” An unneeded warning, but one that never ceased to make Dirk relax. Jake kissed down his torso as he noticed the muscles tensing and fluttering. He took a trembling hand in his, always so nervous, like Jake will reject him. He sucked a hickey onto the firm six-pack, earning a breathy gasp. Dirk’s hand no longer covering his face, forearm resting on his forehead, face towards the ceiling, eyes carefully watching with slightly obscured vision.

Jake eased down the timid one’s pants, removing his hand from theirs just long enough to remove the offending raiment before reestablishing the connection. He kissed both hips and reached for the lube in his pocket, his body heat had warmed it up. “You ready?”

“Y-yeah.” A whispered reply.

Jake slicked his fingers and tenderly prodded the opening, working Dirk slowly, whispered encouragement whenever the blonde tensed. “You can do it. Just relax for me okay? You’re doing so well. Let me know if it hurts. It’s not too much for you right?”

“N-no, it’s good.” The last word mixed with a moan as Jake pressed his prostate. Pumping his fingers a few more time before removing them, his own clothing soon scattered on the floor. After quickly lubing himself Jake placed himself inside Dirk, waiting for the contortions of discomfort to dissipate from his lover’s face. Kisses on the nose, cheek, forehead, and lips were given in an effort to soothe. After several moments Dirk looked into his eyes, “okay,” and kissed Jake with passion for an infinitesimal moment before withdrawing, the page chased him, reuniting their lips as he gave the first gentle thrust.

They kept a steady pace, Jake ever gentle and Dirk showing his face now and again. As their excitement climbed Dirk hid his eyes once more. Jake didn’t mind, it was great improvement from where he was a year ago. Every time they had sex Jake pulled a little more out of Dirk, it was like an adventure with a little treasure at the end of every mission. This time Dirk was a little noisier, breathy moans dotted each descent and stroke, a little drool could be seen from the corner of beautiful lips. When climax was imminent, Jake licked the special spot behind Dirk’s ear, the one that drove him wild; pulling away as they came together.

Jake was given a rare reward that night, the first time he had received it. Dirk’s arm and hands fell away, and Jake was gifted the incredible sight of Dirk’s face as he peaked.


	3. DirkJake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sex Canon 1137: Dirk cries during sex sometimes. Not out of sadness, but because of feeling so vulnerable and so close to somebody is emotionally overwhelming. It's very cathartic for him, but it took a while before it stopped making Jake uneasy.
> 
> Tags: Anal sex

You don’t know if you’ll ever get used to feeling this loved. This feeling when Jake strips you bare and splits you open, whispering sweet nothings in your ear, telling you that you’re the world. He hasn’t left, and you’ve finally allowed yourself to think that he won’t, not any time soon at least.

The way your heart becomes exposed when you two are together like this is overwhelming. The strings are brittle, it beats oddly and off rhythm, it’s not as red as it could be and is deformed….but he treats it like it is the world’s most sacred treasure. He takes care of you in more ways than you ever thought possible, and you love him, and you’re scared of loving him. Scared not because of any lingering fears of him running away again, no you two have worked that out. You’re scared because it’s so new, it’s so raw.

Your relationship isn’t like the first time, awkwardness and indirect hinting were banished to what’s left of the furthest ring. This time, your relationship has been a bit more mature, more honest, he knows your fears and he accepts them. That’s what scares you, how can someone love you this much? How can someone accept you this much? You believe him though, and you’ve never felt closer to anyone in your life.

Especially now, with him tenderly fu-no what was the term he liked to use? Making love. He’s making love to you and it feels wonderful and he’s calling you beautiful and precious to him and you believe him, you believe him. Your heart is bare as you let him see every uncensored emotion, every thought, every word that escapes you before you can stop yourself for fear of looking stupid.

“Dirk? Are you okay?” You’re crying again, he’s stopped moving and his eyes look worried. “You’re not hurt are you? Am I hurting you? Is it too much?”

“No.” You choke out. The first time this happened you were ashamed and embarrassed, Jake panicked, thought he had hurt you. Now though, you welcome these times, this reminder that you can be so incredible vulnerable and defenseless; and not get hurt. “I’m fine, it just feels really good.”

Jake kisses your tears away and moves inside you again. He whispers such nice things. “I love you. So wonderful, I don’t think I could ever live without you again. So pretty. So smart.” You sob openly and he kisses you with a heat that you can’t quite place. It’s not a desperate or passionate, but it’s more than just sweet. The best way you could describe it is some stereotypical scene of a log cabin on Christmas, with that cheesy couple snuggling close to the fire, they’re exchanging gifts and each were given exactly what they wanted only better in some small way. And that recognition, that even after twenty years they still knew each other’s heart and soul. That’s what the kiss is like. Like all of their future together could be felt and they would never part even after death.

When you finish and come down from both the sexual and emotional high you feel better than you have in days. Those little needlings of insecurity and jealousy and self-doubt melted away, because you can be loved, you can be open. You are no longer that isolated boy growing up in the middle of the ocean, you have friends and you belong…and you have Jake.


	4. JohnDave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sexcanon 1657: Dave loves to rim. John will never admit he loves it. 
> 
> Tags: Rimming

Dave’s kissing down his spine, down to the small of his back, kissing both cheeks of his ass before he’s spread and open before the blonde.

“I’ll never understand what you get out of this. It’s so gross.”

“What can I say? I love Egbutt.” Dave trailed his tongue from the top of the cheek down to the John’s pucker. The brunette was doing his best not to tremble, not to show how much he actually wanted Dave’s tongue. A lazy stroke across his hole made John shudder, he would deny it until the day he died, how much he liked it when Dave did this to him.

Dave probed the hole, feeling the muscle resist him as he pressed harder with his tongue. John squirmed at his ministrations and Dave moaned and gripped the heir’s ass harder, spreading him wider, working his tongue a little deeper.

John forced his hand over his mouth, trying to keep his noise in, trying not to show that when Dave did this to him he was nothing more than putty. Conceptually, this was really gross….but it reality it felt too good to think about it in any way involving sanitation. John couldn’t help but clench and Dave moaned against him more. He was really fucking into this wasn’t he?

Dave loved everything about rimming, John was clean and smelled of soap, his own scent appearing as he started to dissolve under Dave. The feeling of the intimate area on his tongue, and yes, even the taste, made Dave’s head spin. His dick hard as he pressed his tongue harder against John’s constricting entrance. Soon Dave couldn’t help but move against John in slow undulating motions as his tongue worked faster and his hands squeezed harder.

He wasn’t sure when John came, or how many times, all he knows is John only drools and rests limply like this when Dave rims him. John still vehemently denies his enjoyment of the activity, even when trembling at the mere mention of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was my first time writing DaveJohn and rimming, so it’s not great. I hope it you enjoyed it anyway though.


	5. DirkRoxy (Platonic)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Homestuck Sexcanon 2474:  
> Roxy and Dirk once tried to have cybersex, but Roxy felt uncomfortable about it as he didn't really feel anything while doing it. Now they just do it for pure fun without going to far. 
> 
> Tags: Suggestive roleplay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For keviratheshipmaster from tumblr! I ended up thinking about a dozen different ways I could do this before settling on what’s written. I hope you like it!

TG: I’m boed

TG:*bored

TT: *Brings out the Roxy entertainment pole*

TG: YEAH! Dance! Dance! Dance!

TT: *Suggestively takes off shirt and throws it at TG. Strikes a pose before strutting my fuckin stuff on the proverbial runway*

TG: *Fans self because the sexy Strider bod is too much*

TT: *Flexes muscles, spins on the pole, stopping in a splits move and winks at the beautiful lady.*

TG: Pants off! Pants off!

TT: *Surprise, they break away! Reveals impossibly fucking tight underwear that leaves nothing to the imagination and will probably prevent me from ever donating sperm or having kids in the future. Like vice grip tight, but my manager won’t let me wear something else because the customers love it and I need the money. That kind of tight.*

TG: *Winks and flashes a hundred dollar bill, because I’m a rich bitch.”

TT: *Walks-up in my tight ass undies and tries to take the money with my teeth.*

TG: *Pulls money away and gestures to my lap (sit yo fine ass down boy)*

TT: *Sits down on your lap. Laying against you. Takes your hand and lets you feel my ripped abs.*

TG: *Fully distracted and drooling over hotness*

TT: *Takes money while you’re distracted. Grabs your hand and brings you on stage with me. Pushes you against the pole, smothering you with my awesome built form.*

TG: *Blushes as I can’t help but let my hands brush down those fucking hawt muscles and offers another $50*

TT: Make it another $100 and I’ll take you to the VIP room.

TG: *Hands you my purse.*

Roxy sat back and giggled, this was so much fun. She thought idly, while waiting for Dirk’s response, of the first time they did this, when they were trying to be sexy (or at least, she was trying to be sexy). It didn’t really work, Dirk was awkward as fuck despite his dirty talking skills, kept fucking up and talking about Roxy’s non-existent dick. He just wasn’t into it, even though he seemed to want to be. She knew he was gay even before then, but that incident kind of solidified things. She couldn’t bring herself to go through with that session, it just felt weird when he wasn’t into it like she was. He was understanding though. A month later they started doing things like this. Setting up scenes, doing stupid shit, but it was fun now. There wasn’t any expectation to actually get off, this was their weird way of bonding, and it made them both happy.

TT: *Goes behind the curtain and comes back out in nothing put ass-less chaps and a fucking cowboy hat (see what I do for you Roxy? Messed up my perfect hair).* Get ready for the best lap dance of your life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a headcannon that Dirk will do, say, and write, really stupid or goofy stuff if he thinks it will make Roxy smile.


	6. Cronkri

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sexcanon 3616: Cronus once caught Kankri jacking off and Kankri tried to hide himself but eventually opened up and they fucked.
> 
> Tags: Masturbation/Troll sex

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the two anons who requested it and @keviratheshipmaster from tumblr because she loves cronkri.

Cronus had been hearing muffled moaning sounds for the past several minutes and was trying to track the sound down and tell whoever was making the noise to keep it down and stop reminding him that he’s single. He found the noises emanating from Kankri’s room and smirked to himself, Mr. Celibacy’s must not consider masturbation part of his vows. Nonetheless, Kankri could certainly be noisy, kind of turning Cronus on now that he knows the source. He leaned against the door, palming himself, not realizing the door wasn’t 100% closed and falling through the doorway, sprawled out on the floor, his hand on his crotch as he heard Kankri yelp at the intrusion.

The seer tried to cover himself, but couldn’t find his pants, opting for a nearby pillow to cover his indecency instead. “Cronus, it’s highly triggering to enter someone’s room without first acquiring consent to enter.”

“Sorry Chief, I, uh, could hear you and wasn’t sure whether I should bother you or not. Although, I could help with your situation.” Cronus waggled his eyebrows to emphasize his point.

“I surely have no idea what you’re talking about. I was reading, I wasn’t making noise. You know very well about my vow of celibacy.”

“I’m pretty sure I know what those noises were, chief. No shame in it.”

“I have no need for such base activities, not belittling those that do need that of course, it is a natural biological urge. I merely find such things distracting from my larger goals and therefore do not engage in such activities.”

Cronus stood up, walked over to Kankri and ripped the pillow from his grasp; revealing a very large bulge writhing and leaking red genetic fluid. He cocked his eyebrows and gave the seer a smirk. “You sure about that chief?”

Kankri grabbed the pillow back covering himself once more, “Just because my body is reacting a certain way doesn’t mean anything. This is embarrassing enough without you adding fuel to the fire. I already feel traitorous to my own ideals, I don’t need you throwing it in my face.”

“Kankri, you ever think that maybe it’s your ideals that should change? Not you?”

“What will the others think of me if I can’t uphold what I preach?”

“Honestly, I think they’d prefer it. No one likes it when someone else acts perfect and points out everything wrong with everything around them. It’s troll nature to do some stupid or hurtful shit sometimes, I think knowing that and admitting that and apologizing if you hurt someone counts more than trying to be perfect and lecturing everyone.” Cronus stared into the red blood’s eyes, grazing his lips against the already quivering male. “Maybe you should learn to have some fun.”

Kankri kissed him, hard, desperate and needy, something had been knocked loose in that skull of his. Hands were grasping at the violet-blood’s pants, practically ripping them off. Cronus took hold of Kankri’s wrists, pinning him to the bed, “Does this trigger you?”

“No” frantic pants and bucking hips saturated his words. “Please keep going.”

Cronus kissed Kankri harshly, nipping his bottom lip with sharp teeth as their bulges entwined and Kankri moaned into his mouth. The bard rocked his hips earning mewls from his victim. He realeased on of the shaking hands, which scrambled along his back, touching every muscles, pulling him closer. Time for the next step.

The hope player detangled their bulges, directing his towards Kankri’s nook, the seer whimpered. “I’ve got you.” He whispered. Red eyes met violet and anxiety could be seen on both their faces, soon dissolving into lust and pleasure as they felt each other’s tentacles entering their nooks. Cronus was gentle keeping a slow steady pace, trying to stay aware of Kankri’s state despite the haze washing over him with a huge red wriggling bulge in him.

The blood player was surprisingly loud in bed. Nothing intelligible, mostly screams and moans, the occasional call of his partner’s name, Cronus rather enjoyed it; knowing he could make someone lose it like this, especially Kankri. Someone finally found him desirable.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was in a pretty bad mood when I wrote this (irritating day), so it’s not great. I hope you enjoyed reading it though.


	7. Arasol & Davekat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sexcanon 2543: All time players last extremely long in bed, and have the power to postpone their partner's orgasm. 
> 
> Tags: Orgasm delay, marathon sex, troll sex, human/troll sex

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Requested by @keviratheshipmaster on tumblr.

Aradia thrust into Sollux again, “Thit Aradia” he moaned. She was relentless though, even after three hours, neither had climaxed yet. She was using her time powers to stretch out the time it took for his body to react to the sensation. Every thrust took roughly three seconds for Sollux to register, making it difficult to build up enough to climax, especially when she messes with the time experience of his body, if he seems to be getting too riled up, she will reverse the time for him, the memories of carnal activity stays in his mind, but his body is reverted to foreplay mode.

“FUCK DAVE!” Dave uses a slightly different tactic. He chooses to fuck Karkat senseless, until the troll is just at the brink before freezing Karkat’s sense of time, allowing his body to calm down enough before his mind can catch up. As a result, Karkat is becoming increasingly frustrated that his body seems unable to orgasm.

Little did either Sollux or Karkat realize, this was a time battle between Aradia and Dave, whose technique was better? The bedrooms shared a wall, both could hear the cries of carnal activity from either room and both knew that the other’s session was still in progress.

Dave continued to thrust into Karkat, hearing him swear and beg Dave, well his idea of begging, to let him come. “Fuck come on Dave, you starting to piss me off!” He nibbled on the blood player’s ear, effectively silencing him, well, not silencing him, “Ah- Ah- FUCK~”, but stopping the angry protests.

Sollux has never had a very good sense of time, and was more just enjoying the sensation, although he was getting really sore. “You almoth done?” At this point he had reassigned himself to not coming today. They had already been going at it for so long.

“I thought you were enjoying it.”

“I wath but I’ve got thit to do.” This is where Aradia’s technique proved superior, she pulled the timeline of his body from when they started, laying it over Sollux to experience again. “Ahhhhffffuuuucccckkkk”

Dave however, was experiencing issues he could not control, his matesprit. Karkat was stronger than he looked and apparently had had enough of Dave dragging this out. He flipped the two over, successfully distracting Dave and making his carefully tuned time skills go offline. Karkat proceeded to ride him mercilessly, Dave covering his mouth trying to keep his moans in while Karkat screamed his name. It wasn’t long before both climaxed and were left sated and exhausted in bed.

Aradia, hearing that she had won the bet, allowed all of the previous timelines of Sollux’s arousal to combine together, overwhelming him as he came hard. She wasn’t far behind and it was morning before either could move.

A good two days later (both couples needed time to recover), Dave and Aradia could be seen talking in hushed tones in the corner of the kitchen; Dave looking slightly disappointed and Aradia looking smug. Finally, a CD was handed over and Aradia walked triumphantly to her room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This won’t normally happen, but I was really irritated to day. My teacher cancelled class like fifteen minutes before it was supposed to start, I have a three hour commute round trip and it was my only class of the day. So on one hand, yay no class, on the other I wasted a minimum of three hours for something SHE KNEW WASN’T GOING TO HAPPEN SINCE LAST NIGHT! Just…GAH! Anyway, writing smutty fanfics makes everything better =P
> 
> Hope you guys like. 
> 
> So someone had a request that I denied and I thought maybe you guys would like to know when and if I take requests. I DO take requests for these drabbles here: http://smutandgore.tumblr.com/  
> Rules:  
> 1.You can only choose from the sexcanons I reblog. This is mostly due to a personal preference thing. I don't really have a preference for ships, it's just I only post the ones that I immediately had an idea for. There are about 60 on my blog right now, 300 in my queue and still more left over, so there is plenty of variety to available or will be available. 
> 
> 2\. I tag each of the sexcanons I reblog with a number, please use that number, not the sexcanon number, when requesting. It just makes it easier for me to find it when it's time to write. 
> 
> 3\. I write them in the order they are requested, so if I don't write yours immediately then there was someone in front of you. I only write these monday-thursday (I write stuff for my stories on the weekend), so please be patient. 
> 
> If you can abide by those three rules then you're good! Request away!


	8. DaveHal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sexcanon 2582: Dave once got his hands on AR for some dirty talk while masturbating. It turned into Dave being denied orgasm for an hour or two.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the anon (from tumblr) who requested it. This was really close to the 1000 word limit I try to put on these drabbles. I hope you enjoy.

Dave had heard from Roxy that AR was pretty good at dirty talking, it’s kind of weird going to his alternate timeline bro’s consciousness, created from his thirteen year old brain, for dirty talk; he tries not to think about it. Sneaking into Dirk’s room Dave steals AR away, quietly making his way back to his own room, before closing the door. The knight sits on his bed, hands trembling with what he’s about to do, is this wrong? Maybe he could just try talking with it first, it was sentient after all, not a sex toy. Slipping on the shades, red text already visible:

TT: Hello Dave

Deep breath.

TG: Hey, AR.

TT: Hal, call me Hal. So, Roxy said you were in need of my services. About time you put me on, what was the hold up?

TG:…

TT: Dude, you shy? You’re a Strider for god’s sake.

TG: I’m not shy, this is just fucking weird.

TT: Before you go any further, you should know that I can see everyone’s internet history.

TG:…

TT: With all the apple-centric porn you watch, is this really that weird. How about I level the playing field for you? Roxy loves tentacle porn. Dirk has a fetish for puppets and horses. Jake has a fetish for the color blue and loves to see people stick guns up asses. Jane’s a feeder. Jade loves furry porn. Rose has a serious blood kink. And you’re “I’m not a homosexual” buddy? Dude’s straight up into vore. Me dirty talking you really isn’t that weird when put into context, is it?

TG: I guess not.

TT: My only question is why not do this with your alien boyfriend?

TG: Karkat and I aren’t ready for sex and his dirty talk…almost always involves buckets for some reason…and he pretty much shouts it in my ear.

TT: Say no more. So, you ready to do this?

TG: Yes.

TT: Good, put your hands up by your head, okay?  
  


Dave did as he was told.

TT: Don’t move them unless I say you can.

TG: Okay

TT: Don’t talk unless I say you can either. Now, I’ve tied your hands to bed and I’m palming that pretty cock you have. Not ready to let it out yet though. I bite your ear just the way you like and am kissing down that supple body you have. You’re very pretty Dave, did you know that? Probably did, I’m biting your nipples as my hands massage you abdomen, feeling every one of your muscles.

Dave’s breath hitched as he forced his hands to stay in place.

TT: I’m grinding against you now, doesn’t that feel nice? You can rub your hands along your thighs if you like, don’t touch your dick yet.

Dave followed Hal’s rules, rubbing his inner thighs, inching as close to his dick as possible without actually touching it. Keeping his needy sounds within him.

TT: What do we have here? Apple slices, coated in caramel just like you prefer. I mix the caramel with what’s dribbling from your leaking phallus, you whore, before trailing it all the way up your chest and forcing it into your mouth, and while you’re chewing on it I force another slice in your mouth, fucking your mouth with it, you’re choking a little, drool and juice leaking from the side of your mouth. That’s okay.

TT: You may use your fingers if you like.

Dave mouth immediately opened plunging his fingers in, as his other hand was a fraction away from his throbbing dick. A small whimper escaping him.

TT: You may touch yourself now.

Dave shoved his pants out of the way, wrapping his hand around his dick, using his spit as lube, moaning as he stroked.

TT: Now that your dick is nice and candy coated, I think I deserve a taste. I take your tip into my mouth, swirling my tongue around it. I take all of you in and let you fuck my throat, moaning as you complete debase me. Or try to debase me, your writhing pretty hard against you restraints, your hip must be really strong for you to be able to still buck so hard.

Dave was wasn’t even trying to hold back his noise any more, moaning outright “Hal.” He couldn’t believe how close he was already, just a little more and he would-

TT: Don’t come.

TG: What?  
TT: I haven’t given you permission to come, don’t come.”

Dave whined and slowed his rhythm.

TT: I’m not done, I haven’t given your balls the slightest bit of attention yet. I’m kissing them and sucking them….

…

(Three hours later)

Dave was trembling, tears falling from his eyes. Thumb passing over his slit, just as he was told. His finger up his ass, circling his prostate, the place he’s not yet allowed to touch. “Please Hal, fuck, I-I gotta” Any communication with pesterchum (the glasses follow the eyes in order to type), long abandoned.

TT: Press it.

Dave let out a sob as he pressed it, desperate for the relief from carnal limbo. He was so worked up, just needed Hal to let him. He just needed-

TT: Come Dave.

The time player obeyed as sweet reward washed over him and as the tide pulled back, darkness crept in. The next morning, the shades were gone, Dave was naked from the waist down on his bed, and was too embarrassed to ask at breakfast who had come into his room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would have broken my Monday-Thursday schedule for Jaboody‘s (from tumblr) AR day but had this really annoying law assignment to do over the weekend ;-; I consider this a belated celebration. Unfortunately, I’m not great at writing Hal.


	9. Cronkri

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sexcanon 2812: Neither Kankri nor Cronus really knows what sex is. Their first time together was really awkward and funny.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For @keviratheshipmaster (from tumblr)! I don’t know how funny this is, but it’s awkward as hell. I hope you enjoy it!

“Well, if it would help your species dysphoria, I suppose I could offer my assistance. What exactly is involved in the human mating ritual?”

Cronus and Kankri sat on a human bed in Cronus’ room. They had been going out for a year now, Kankri had remained celibate the entire time.

“Really, chief?”

“From what I understand, human intercourse is vastly different from pailing. I don’t consider it a violation of my vows.”

“Alright then, let’s do it.”

An awkward silence hung in the air as the two stared blankly at each other. Kankri sat expectantly, while Cronus was so excited he didn’t he couldn’t speak.

“Well?”

“Well…?”

“How do we begin?”

“Er right, we…um…get naked…?”

“Okay.” Kankri removed his sweater revealing his excessively high-waist pants. Cronus nude in two seconds flat, bulge writhing, nook dripping wet. He was tempted to remove Kankri’s pants himself, but he didn’t want to push his luck. Kankri’s pants were removed at his own goddamned leisurely pace, while Cronus watched in awe. It was trollnalisa, beautiful art in front of him. Kankri’s lithe body, so perfect, brushstrokes nearly visible and so tempting to touch. When both were naked he was met with a “Now what?”

…Cronus didn’t know. He hadn’t been able to find any human porn yet, going completely based off a few R-rated movies, the sex was under thin sheets; enough for him to get the gist, but not full mechanics of the act.

“Um…lay back.” Kankri reclined, staring at the ceiling, unsure of what was supposed to happen next. Cronus crawled on top of Kankri, looking into the incarnadine eyes, trying to think of what to do.

“Is this it? Are we having human sex?” Asked Kankri.

“Um, not yet, I gotta…” Cronus remembered seeing a thrusting motion of the human’s hips, and the other human’s legs were bent. He positioned himself between Kankri’s legs, bending the other trolls knees and began grinding into the sheets between Kankri’s legs. He groaned a little, the friction of the fabric on his bugle felt nice, not as good as troll sex though. Kankri just laid there awkwardly, there’s no way this was breaking his vows. He allowed his hands to trace down Cronus’ back, feeling the muscles, which seemed to spur Cronus on. The high-blood sucked at Kankri’s neck earning a small hitch in the lecturer’s breath. However, just as Kankri was starting to get into it, Cronus managed to climax into the sheets, getting his genetic fluid all over himself and Kankri, who tried his best not to look disgusted.

The two lay there uncomfortably for a few moments while Cronus regained his wits. Kankri cleared his throat, “Well…so that was human sex.”

Cronus nodded “Yeah, uh, would you like me to do it the regular way?”

“The Beforan form of intercourse would be a break of my vows, besides, we don’t have a bucket for genetic collection. I’m quite fine Cronus, thank you.”

“I think I messed up though, both partners are supposed to get off.”

“Well, from what I understand, inexperienced pairings notoriously leave the receiving partner unsatisfied. It’s merely a matter of practice.”

“Would you like to practice with me again sometime?” Cronus asked wagging his eyebrows suggestively.

“I would like to engage in this activity again to become more acquainted with human mating culture, so, yes. For the betterment of understanding between us and the humans, perhaps an ablution first though.”


	10. DirkJake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sexcanon 1165: Jake sometimes takes those Cosmo sex tips seriously, and he's actually tried them out on Dirk several times, which never ends well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry anon from tumblr. This was surprisingly hard to write. This is a true drabble, only 100 words. A better one tomorrow, I promise! Just, fuck, those cosmo sex tips were worse than I thought they would be.

Your name is Dirk Strider and your boyfriend is going down on you right now….with mango in his mouth…because of fucking Cosmo magazine. Your pretty sure Roxy gave it to him as a joke, but he took those stupid fucking sex tips seriously. It feels kind of gross around your dick, but you try to moan and encourage Jake anyway. Eww… the mango is falling out of his mouth and onto the bedsheets. You need to burn that fucking magazine. His jaw is getting tired, you can tell, you can’t fucking climax like this though. Cosmo can burn in hell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chose #8 from this list: http://www.nerve.com/advice/ridiculous-tips/the-best-of-ridiculous-tips-for-a-miserable-sex-life-emcosmopolitan-em-edition


	11. DirkJake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sexcanon 1177: Dirk accidentally sendificated a vibrator to Jake. He now uses it every night, believing Dirk intended him to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For anon from tumblr.

Jake lay naked in a bath of the moon’s glow, surprisingly silent tonight. Only the buzz of the toy in him while he was splayed out on his bed. Breath robbed from him as erotic delight danced on his senses. This is what you wanted, right, darling? When the toy appeared on his bed randomly, while he was in the throes of what he likes to call self-care. Dirk knew him so well and was so sweet, a love letter, until we meet. Lust-filled images of the blonde played in the theatre of his mind, the part of the handsome hero, meeting his lover under the cloak of night.

Muscles flexed and held him, disrobed skin a euphoric drug, making his mind float and his reactions slow. This is how he likes him right? Pliable and without restraint? The toy buried further inside him as he thought of Dirk, it was him inside Jake, not just through fantasy, through meaning. Dirk wanted inside him, that’s why he gifted Jake with this treat. Thinking only of his pleasure, Jake must admit, it’s better than his fingers. The pleasant vibrations against his button and screams of the one that was not yet his.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Maybe a video? Jake worked the toy in him for the tenth night in a row, this time without the vibrations. He felt the gentle rocking of the toy and imagined the blonde above him. Secret in the realm of mystery, what would he smell like? Feel like? Taste like? Would a southern drawl fall from his lips and fill Jake with the intoxicating drink. His mind fading from a theatre to nothing but clouds, nothing truly distinct, but a ghost of beloved images still held.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Jake has come to realize he’s a drooler, he wasn’t before Dirk’s little gift, although he had finally worked up the courage to give a gift of his own. Last night he recorded himself and sent it to Dirk, how he wished he could have seen the blonde’s face. It seemed to have been received well though, a little carnal reply was returned. Dirk said he had an idea a way to have sex, at least symbolically, his likeness and a few tiny cameras. While under construction, Jake makes sure to put on a show, the praise he gets is nice, Dirk likes the way he drools. A binding of awkward hearts that is perfectly weird, touching, loving, and sewn together with words of tenderness.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Dirk finally confesses of his mistake, sending him the vibrator, it was never meant for Jake. He was just too ashamed to admit the mistake, it was meant for himself. Jake tells him it wasn’t a mistake, it as fate, the perverted bastard who seeks give them something so wonderful and pure, out of a dirty little misunderstanding.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kind of a weird drabble, but I hope you guys liked it.


	12. JohnDave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Homestuck Sexcanon #6268: Whenever Dave and John go out on double dates, Dave forces John to wear a cock ring and have a small vibrator inside him, which Dave has the remote to. The amount of times he moans is the number of times Dave will cum inside him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise random weekend smut drabble for anon from tumblr! Basically I’m avoiding responsibilities and low key stressing about avoiding responsibilities. This is the result.
> 
> Tags: cockrings, vibrators, dom/sub, some slight humiliation stuff going on, public sex play, anal sex, roadhead

Normally John didn’t like going out in public with a toy in him, but tonight was a double date with Dirk and Jake, so it wasn’t so bad. Their boyfriends sat across the table from them, John and Dirk sitting next to each other, a silent bet to see who could go longest without moaning, a direct opposition of their partners’ wishes. Jake had a wickedly devious look in his eyes tonight, John chose not to say anything. The two doms were conversing about god knows what, John was distracted by the light buzzing in his core and the ring around his cock. Dirk seemed to have it worse, white knuckling the fabric on the booth seat. Where the hell were they? John hadn’t even really paid attention, the decorations suggest a Chinese restaurant. The menu was in front of him, but he struggled to hold the words in his mind long enough to understand them, much less make a decision.

The waitress had come to take their order, Dave was merciful and ordered for him, he never was one for outright humiliation, he preferred secrecy and watching John choke on his food. Dirk wasn’t so lucky, not only did Jake make him order, but he ramped up the intensity of whatever Dirk had in him, the blonde was trembling and stuttering to get his words out.

“Sir, are you okay?”

Jake finally chose to step in. “Social anxiety, I apologize. This was a sort of exposure therapy, to help him get over his fears.”

The waitress didn’t seem to believe him, but the expression on her face said she didn’t want to know the truth either. Jake gave Dirk a look of disapproval before turning his remote to the highest setting. Dirk covered his mouth, resting his forehead on the table trying to keep his noise in. Both Jake and Dave seemed greatly amused. John was just trying to keep his own situation under control.

When the food arrived, it was Dave’s turn to play with his remote. Whenever John took a bite of anything the vibrator was turned on full blast, making John choke on his egg roll. After the third time, John couldn’t help, but moan. When their meal was finished Dave escorted John to the bathroom, to clean up the food mess on his shirt. Jake could hardly wait to get Dirk’ into the car.

Once in the bathroom, Dave shoved John into the nearest stall, forcing him against the door and whispering in his ear “You were quiet tonight”, the vibrations all the way up again, sound caught in John’s throat. Dave forcefully picked him up grinding against him, earning a sobbing groan from his victim. “That makes twice you’ve moaned tonight and only twice I will come inside you. Is that what you want?”

“N-no”

“Then why?”

“E-embarrassing”

Dave scoffed, this was his third attempt with public play, looks like he’ll have to either kick it up a notch or try something different.

“Please master, I want you inside me.” John whispered in his ear.

Dave stared at him, thinking. “No.” John sobbed again and Dave dropped him, turned off the vibrator, wrenching the door open, taking the back way out of the restaurant (they’d already paid). He pushed John into the passenger seat, before jumping into the driver’s seat and undoing his pants. “You’re going to blow me the entire way. Do that and I’ll come inside you tonight as many times as possible.”

That was enough incentive for John as he dove into Dave’s lap. The ride home was dangerous, but mostly empty, no cops at least. About half way through Dave turned the vibrator onto its highest setting, forbidding John from climax. When he pulled in the driveway and turned off the car John pulled off his dick, kissing his neck instead, begging. “Please master, please, fuck I need you.” Dave rushed out of the car, pulling John with him.

Once inside the house Dave bolted for the bedroom, why didn’t he keep lube on him? Rummaging through the bedside table he quickly found the lube. John already naked and on the bed, cock beautiful and leaking with the ring around it. Dave carefully took out the vibrator, slicking himself up before pushing into John.

The breath player played his part as a wanton whore quite well for his partner, and Dave kept his word, coming inside him again and again until both were completely exhausted and overwhelmingly sated.


	13. DaveJohn (unrequited) also Dave/couch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sexcanon 6191: Dave has a major virginity kink. He'd fuck a couch cushion if it was innocent enough. 
> 
> Tags: Masturbation and rubbing himself against a couch cushion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m not sure if this really worked completely with the prompt though. Opinions?

Dave laid back on the brand new leather couch Bro bought last weekend. Once again, he was home alone, Bro left about three days ago, no idea where. At least he left money this time. It was times like these Dave wished he could bring a certain brunette over, those dorky glasses and buck toothed grin made his heart melt and he KNEW John was a virgin. How he’d love to be the first to introduce the pale boy to the wonders of anal sex. Stretch him out and lube him up, whispering words of reassurance as John expressed hesitation and nervousness. Don’t worry baby, I got you, I’ll make you feel fan-fucking-tastic, literally.

That would never happen though, not with John’s constant “I’m not a homosexual” dance he did every time anything gay was brought up. Gay marriage “I’m happy for them, but it makes no difference to me; I’m not a homosexual.” Jade and her yaoi shipping? “Why do you ship guys together all the time? I don’t get the whole gay thing.” That prick who dared John to kiss him or forfeit fifty bucks, “I’m not gay, I’m not kissing a dude.” That one broke Dave’s heart a little.

Still, John never had sex, maybe he could be persuaded, or maybe he was in denial. Maybe he was asexual, that would explain a-fucking-lot. John was as pure as this new fucking couch, Bro wouldn’t sit on it or let Dave sit on it at all. Dave still shouldn’t be on it, but Bro isn’t here so who gives a fuck. He allowed his hands to massage the fine unsoiled leather. He was the first to touch this couch, just like he wanted to be the first to touch John. He took out his dick, half hard from the thought just kissing John. Taking one of the couch cushions, pressing it against his naked member, yeah fucking untouched.

He rutted against the cushion in his hands, think of his unrequited love. John, massaging his hole that is tight as hell. And when he presses against his prostate the guy is shocked and confused that something could feel that good without touching his dick. He begs Dave for more and Dave can work his magic, working him up into a frenzy, swallowing his cock and just when John’s on the edge, he pulls away. John would whine and beg him to touch that special spot again, instead Dave would slick himself a gently push in. John would moan at the feeling, never even thought about putting something in his ass before. He’d tell Dave how full he feels suddenly become so shy, because he wants Dave to move, but his excitement’s come down enough that he’s self-conscious again.  He doesn’t know how to handle the vulnerability. Dave would fuck him gently though and John would slowly melt underneath him, all because Dave showed him how fucking good it feels.

The blonde came onto the new cushion, both satisfied and annoyed, now he’d have to clean this shit up and pray it doesn’t stain. At least he was the first to mark the new couch.

After cleaning up his mess, he retired to his room, John had messaged him with some shitty movie trailer, asking him if he wanted to see it this weekend. Dave knew it wasn’t a real date, but at least he could pretend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly, this was supposed to be kind of a WTF and funny drabble. I don’t know what happened.
> 
> Also....what am I doing with my life?


	14. DirkJake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Homestuck Sexcanon1963: Jake screams extremely ridiculous and silly during sex. He's way too loud and frequently wake neighbors up. His orgasms can be heard across the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This turned out better than if I had done it yesterday (sorry guys, I just wasn't feeling up to it yesterday). I hope you guys like it. Big shout out to @kforshort for this post: http://kforshort.tumblr.com/post/54503264088/ridonkulously-long-list-of-words-jake-english-says So helpful when writing this.

Dirk pushed Jake roughly against the wall, kissing him hard. The brunette’s mind hazy from the stimulation as he clumsily tried to hang on. He moaned into Dirk’s mouth, making the blonde shudder. Time to take this up a notch. Dirk pushed Jake up, signaling the adventurer to wrap his legs around the muscular hips of his paramour. Dirk gripped the page’s ass, using it as leverage to grind Jake into the wall, earning him a breathless “Jumping Jehosaphat” in his ear. Dirk silenced the silly talk with his mouth, sealing it over Jakes, hot tongues tangling and a broken half heard pleas for more.

Dirk’s arms were starting to get tired, but he wasn’t about to let his boyfriend go, not when it takes so long to turn him on. He re-adjusted, the distribution of weight to take all of Jake, and slowly move towards the bedroom down the hall. Jake tried to break the kiss, but a firm squeeze of his ass had him moaning even louder into Dirk’s mouth.

Once in their room, Dirk set him down on the bed, climbing on top of him. He broke this kiss, stripped Jake of his shirt and started kissing down his torso while palming him through his shorts. “Brain fucker, Dirk,” the page nearly shouted. The prince smirked “I’ll fuck your brains out soon.”

“Land sakes alive.” Jake moaned, his noise level rising with his level of arousal.

Dirk couldn’t take it anymore, he wanted Jake screaming. He divested himself and Jake of the rest of their clothing, lubing his fingers as he prodded Jake’s hole.

“Oh my stars and garters!” was the response to the intrusion, hot breath on his neck as Dirk worked him open.

Dirk circled his prostate, not giving Jake what the little whines and a crumbling attempts to keep his noise down begged for. “Shitting howdy, Dirk. Working all this boner magic, please, just, consarn it dickprince, FUCK ME!” His scream of frustration sending shockwaves through Dirk’s system, yes, yes, he will fuck Jake, hard.

He flash lubed himself and was in Jake before another word could be uttered, fucking him into sweet oblivion.

“Dastardly dandy with the phantasmal erection. Overzealous trollop of –HELLO NURSE!”

Dirk hated how much he was getting off on Jake’s noise. It was the voice and the volume, not the words, never the words.

“Shiver me timbers! SHUCKY DARN! Ah! AH! YES! SOCK IT TO ME! USE THAT NEFARIOUS MANMEAT!”

If Dirk weren’t balls deep in Jake’s ass, his boner would have been killer by now, Jake’s tightness at least made up for it.

“Holey Toledo! HAH! MORE MORE! TORMENTING JESUS CHRISTOFER KRINGLEFUCKER! LECHEROUS NETHERDUMPLINGS! SPANKING SOCKDOLAGER!”

Dirk moaned into Jake’s shoulder, he shouldn’t love this. He shouldn’t be this close from Jake’s fucking nonsense.

“THROTOLLING TROUSERS! WHOA NELLY! YOWZA! HOBBOLDIHOY ROCKET OF SPIFFY DICKIES! TALLY HO!”

Dirk came, he came from Jake shouting that bullshit.  At least Jake finished too, the fluid coating his stomach, the blonde tempted to lick it off him. Instead he opted for a tissue to clean them both up. Jake was too exhausted to move.

When they awoke the next morning letters from the neighbors were at their door. Roxy’s was a drawing of them having sex with just about every ridiculous word Jake uttered. Jane’s was a polite letter requesting that they either fuck earlier in the night, or try to keep it down, she has work. Dave’s was a copy of a remix, using Jake’s carnal cries as a base. Karkat’s was an incomprehensible string of expletives.


	15. DirkJake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Homestuck sexcanon 2409: Jake likes his partners to be loud, especially if they're moaning his name.
> 
> Tags: Praise Kink, Biting, teasing

“C’mon Jake….fuck…” Dirk pleaded under his breath. Jake had the blonde’s hands pinned above his head, completely in him, but not moving.

“Not until you stop that blasted bad habit.” Jake rocked his hips, giving Dirk as taste of his reward should he comply. “Give me what I want and I’ll give you what you want.

Dirk moaned “fffuck” biting his lip and gritting his teeth, trying to keep his Strider cool and stoicism even when he’s flat on his back and near begging Jake to fuck him properly.

“Give me what I want Dirk. Give it to me.” The coil of arousal nestled in the prince’s gut flared at the command, he just couldn’t though, he couldn’t be some whiny bitch. These walls were thin, he wasn’t about to let the others hear him and mock his submissive nature, even when he badly wanted to give into it.

Jake could see his boyfriend would need some more coaxing, too bad for Dirk, Jake knew his kinks. He kissed the blondes jaw, making small sucking noises as he made his way to a particularly sensitive spot behind his ear, sucking that area hard, leaving his paramour breathless. Now for real tease, he kissed his way down to the juncture between Dirk’s neck and shoulder, baring his teeth against the skin, applying a hint of pressure. A small whine finally worked its way from the back of Dirk’s throat. Jake whispered huskily in his ear. “You want it Dirk? Want me to bite you and fuck you until you can’t walk?”

“Yes.” A small, quiet reply, unsatisfying.

“Darling, I want to give you everything, everything you want. But I need a payment of my own Dirk. You can’t hold back any of those delectable little noises you make. Can you do that for me?”

“I…uh…” Jake went for the juncture once more, biting a little harder, but still not giving Dirk what he really wanted. “a-a-a-a-h-h-h-h-“ a staccato whine nearly breaking the moan barrier.

“Come along sweetheart,” rolling Dirk’s nipples between his fingers as he whispered into his shoulder. “You’re so close. Just a little more. Moan for me.” A flick of the tongue across the raised buds and a soft thrust of his hips.

“Oh god, Jake.” There we go, a wonderful little moan. It was progress. What else could Jake do?

“You smell delightful.” Dirk looked away, his whole body flushing pink, he always hated it; Jake found it thrilling. “Ah, finally got you to flush for me. You’re so beautiful. Look at you.” Jake gave a small nip to Dirk’s nipples, making the blonde gasp. “Good enough to eat, especially your lovely cock. Maybe after this I’ll suck you. Would you like that? Seeing my lips around you? Moaning as I feel you thick, long dick in my mouth. I mean, you’re very large Dirk. Would you make me take it all?”

Dirk’s head tossed with every sentence, his breath labored and panting, whispered pleas of “Jake” constantly leaving him. Any thoughts of people outside their room long gone. It was time.

Jake bite down hard on the area between his neck and shoulder, thrusting hard several times into Dirk.

“Ah! J-jake! Y-yes!”

“Good boy Dirk. A little louder darling.” He continued plunging into the blonde, sucking on the growing bruise he had just made.

Dirk strained against Jake’s hands holding his in place, back arching, mind growing hazy, restraint out the window. “J-JAKE!”

“That’s it, love.” Jake moved to the opposite juncture on the other side of Dirk’s neck, biting him again.

“JAKE! MORE! HAH! AH!”

The growing volume sending Jake’s head spinning, he grabbed Dirk’s erection, pumping him in time with his thrusts. “M-more Dirk. Tell me how much you love it.”

“I LOVE IT! I WANT MORE! JAKE-JAKE! HARDER! FUCK ME HARDER!”

Jake complied fucking Dirk as hard as he could, the headboard smacking violently against the bedroom wall, the sound couldn’t compare to the noise Dirk was now making.

“JAKE! JAKE! YES! FUCK ME! FUCK ME! FUCK ME! YOU- YOU’RE THE BEST! JAKE! MORE! AH! AH! AH!”

Their climaxes imminent, Jake breathed heavily in Dirk’s ear “you’ve done very well Dirk. Who owns you?”

“JAAAAAAAKE!!!!” The carnal cry of his name sent Jake into the bliss of orgasm with Dirk, woozy half tangible reality taking several moments to reacquaint itself with Jake’s psyche.

Dirk was completely spent underneath him, eyes still glossy, a slight sheen of half-dried sweat covering him, drenched hair plastered on his face, and cum all over his stomach. The page reached for a towel, cleaning them both off before settling next to his lover.

Dirk blinked several times before he realized Jake was no longer above him. A tender hand was carding through his hair. He looked next to him to see a tired loving smile, “You were fantastic.” He covered his face, still fucking red, only now with embarrassment.

“I said a bunch of stupid shit and was super loud, I’m never going to live it down.” His voice now raspy, further evidence of his shame.

“You were bloody brilliant; everything anyone could ever want, all rolled into one amazing specimen.”

“I lost all my cool points.”

“Oh poppycock! How about this, every time someone teases you, I’ll give fuck you or blow you or whatever you want. Make you feel better.”

Dirk didn’t want to admit it but it did, and aroused him. Rather than indulge the feeling a second time, he nestled in to Jake’s embrace and the two fell into a peaceful loving slumber.

True to his word, Jake would treat Dirk twelve times over the next four days to whatever carnal indulgence the blonde could think up, Dirk decided it was worth the embarrassment.


	16. DaveJohn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Homestuck Sexcanon 7838: Dave was giving John a blow job once and he accidentally sneezed while he was still sucking him off. Semen came shooting out of his nose and John nearly had an asthma attack from laughing so hard.

“Oh god Dave, yeah, like that.” A breathy soft moan escaped John’s lips as Dave engulfed his length in the wet cavern of his mouth. The time player enjoyed the thickness of John filling his mouth as he bobbed his head, groaning at the taste of precum on his tongue.

John was still petting his hair when Dave decided to attempt taking all of him in. When he felt the breath player’s abdomen against his nose, he knew he was successful. John seemed to relish the feeling as he pulled Dave’s hair, eliciting another groan. When Dave started move again, John’s hand became more of a presence, forcing him back down as pale hips shoved cock into Dave’s throat.

The blonde moaned harder, he loved it when John became forceful, it didn’t happen often, but it was always intense. He notices an unfortunate itch, threatening to derail this perfectly erotic moment and forced it away. He stopped just for a moment, but it was enough for John to become impatient and plunge the swollen phallus back into the deepest recesses of Dave’s oral orifice. The itch persisted, he needed to pull up for a moment and sneeze.

John, in the throes of licentious excitement grabbed a fist full of golden locks, keeping the luscious sinful pleasure cavern in place. Dave tried to force his head back up, grabbing John’s hands, the back of his tongue accidentally gracing John’s slit. Sensual potion filled the knight’s mouth as he sneezed, causing bitter taste in his mouth and burning in his nostrils. He coughed and gasped, both disgusted and slightly panicked from the difficulty regaining his breath. John came down from his high fairly quickly and noticed the fluid dripping from Dave’s nose. He burst into a fit of laughter, Dave red faced, but breathing, frowned, a few coughs as he searched for tissues to clean himself up. John was still laughing his ass off.

Blow his nose, cough (intentionally), swig water, spit it out in the bathroom sink, another swig of water, actually drink it this time. His boner was long gone and he felt absolutely disgusting, maybe a shower would do him some good? John was still laughing hysterically, but his breath was sounding ragged and he was starting to cough. As irritated as Dave was that his boyfriend was laughing, he couldn’t help but worry a little. He went to the dresser, pulling out one of John’s stash of inhalers, just in case. “You’re going to hurt yourself if you don’t stop laughing dumbass.” Part genuine malice and anger, part anxious concern.

John thankfully calmed down moments later. “Sorry Dave.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Dave sat with his back toward John, discreetly trying to hide the inhaler.

John saw it though and hugged him, “Aw, even when I’m being a complete asshat and made you sneeze my cum out your nose, you still worry,” nuzzling Dave’s neck.

“Yeah, well, wouldn’t be cool if you died because I was too busy being pissed off would it?”

Dave always cares far more than he lets on. “Come on, I’ll make it up to you in the shower.”


	17. DaveJake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Homestuck Sexcanon 8116: The Strider not only love eating ass, but they're damn good at it too. Jake and John consider themselves very lucky to be Strider favorites.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, unfortunately anyone who doesn't follow my NSFW tumblr blog is out of the loop. Sorry I've been gone all week. I had a crazy amount of schoolwork (3 papers, a quiz, an exam, 20 hours of video to watch, and 500 pages of reading), plus internet issues, and had to reset my computer back to factory settings and re-download all my shit and to top it all off, a healthy dose of family drama and car trouble. Not my week. 
> 
> Now though, I’m fucking back! Finally! So, my weekend still kind of sucks, but after Tuesday my quarter is clear sailing. I’ll try to write at least one more drabble over the weekend (no promises) and the schedule will resume as planned on Monday. I’m unfortunately behind on my stories, but my creative flow feels stifled right now. I’m hoping these will help me get back into the flow of things.
> 
> One more note. Starting May 30th, these drabbles will be cut down to twice a week. This is because I will be doing non smutty drabbles on my other art blog (and a new story here). If you like my writing and you like fluffy homestuck stories please check it out!

Jake was calmly cleaning his guns after a satisfying session at the gun range. Finals week had been hell and something about printing up the paper that you have been slaving on for weeks and shooting it was incredibly cathartic. Dave had other ways of obtaining stress relief. One was through polishing his collection of dead things while sipping apple juice. Jake had made sure to pick up that special apple cider his boyfriend loved on his way home. The blonde had yet to make an appearance yet, his exams were exceptionally late this quarter. Boy guy had an 8pm final, who fucking does that?

The click of the door signaled the exhausted one’s return. The sound of a heavy bag dropped on the floor, an exceptionally loud sigh just before a plop of body hitting couch. The poor thing needed a pick me up. Jake grabbed his fruity gift and joined his paramour.

“How’d it go?”

“No talky, no thinky, just sleepy.”

Jake smiled, “I thought you might be feeling that way, here.” The brunette handed him the rare delight.

Dave, probably too tired to think of appearances quickly claimed the drink, the sugar helping perk him up. “Thanks.” Dave carefully capped the drink before turning to Jake, latching onto his next.

“I thought you wanted to sleep?” His voice deep and sultry, fingers already running through blonde hair, silently begging him to continue.

“After hell week I need so stress relief.”

Jake’s dick, hard already from the first sensual contact they’ve had in the past two weeks, twitched at Dave’s words. Yes, Dave had one other way he liked to relieve his stress.

 

Jake moaned for the fiftieth time that evening, face down in the pillows on his bed, ass in the air. “Fuck Dave.” Dave’s face buried in his ass, abusing the brunettes whole as Jake tried his best not to squirm and failed miserably. Dave had teased him while he was cleaning himself out, Dave had only been eating him for a short time and Jake already felt like he might explode.

Dave took the noise to signal that he should change his technique, sucking the opening instead. “Of GOLLY!” Dave licked his taint inching his way to the back of Jake’s balls, giving a teasing lick before return to the plush rump, spreading the cheeks wide. Before diving in, Dave said “Don’t you dare hold back noise, Jake. I need this.”

“Never, never Dave.”

Dave licked as far into Jake’s depths as he could, kissing his ass the way he would kiss Jake’s mouth. The hot wriggling appendage making Jake writhe with pleasure. “Fuck, yes Dave. More. I-I AH! Holey Toledo”

A sharp smack to his right cheek. Dave hated his old timey speak during sex, trying to train him out of it. Little did Dave know, Jake enjoyed the occasional slap, especially during times like this.

“Hello Nurse!”

Another slap, again and again Jake would say these words to earn that delicious burn on his ass. The heat on his cheeks, burning even more when he Dave gripped them combined with the erotic delight of the heat of Dave’s tongue in him. The blonde was now gyrating against Jake as he ate him out. Jake was so close, his hand grasping himself between his legs, three pumps was all it took for him to finish.

Dave groaned loudly against his hole as Jake rode through his orgasm, the blonde not far behind. The two relaxing side by side once they were both done. Jake brought Dave into a cuddle, kiss forehead. “That was great. Feel better.”

“Yeah.” Dave leaned forward to kiss his green-eyed boyfriend. Jake tried his best not to think about where Dave’s mouth had just been as they kissed and fell into a well-deserved slumber.


	18. RoseKanaya

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Homestuck Sexcanon 6088: Because trolls have no nipples due to their way of reproduction, Kanaya was fascinated when she first saw Rose's. Rose allowed her to inspect them and was soon moaning and begging for sex.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, this is my first time ever writing Rosemary, so please forgive me if it isn’t very good.

The two were shirtless for the first time after a heated make-out session. Rose noted Kanaya’s distinct lack of nipples while Kanaya observed the opposite. “What are those raised bits of flesh?”  
“They’re nipples, human females have them to nurse their young from birth until they can handle solid food. Males have due to the human race having a default of female sex, the nipples are formed the genetic code for males kicks in.”  
“So they provide nutrition of some sort?”  
“Yes, mine don’t though, as I have never been pregnant.”  
“Pregnant?”  
“A gestational carrier.”  
“Ah, I see. …May I touch them? I am quite curious.”  
“Go ahead.”  
Kanaya took the raised bud between her fingers, a small gasp escaped Rose. Kanaya looked up at her, “Am I hurting you?”   
Rose shook her head, “No-no.”  
Kanaya nodded, focusing once again on the bodily difference. She pinched and prodded and flicked the nipple before moving onto the other, Rose trying very hard to keep her noise in and allow Kanaya her time to inspect.   
When Kanaya finally finished she looked up to see Rose biting her lip, red faced and ridged. “Are these bits of flesh considered an erogenous zone of your species?” A light green blush coating her cheeks.  
Rose nodded and the green bloomed further across the troll’s face. “Alright then, may I try something?”   
“Yes, you may.”  
Kanaya leaned down, opening her mouth and allowing her long dexterous tongue flick the bud. The action immediately earned a moan from Rose. Kanaya continued her ministrations, using her tongue to press, twirl around, flick, and lick the pleasure button.   
Rose was beyond keeping quiet and when Kanaya moved to her other nipple her moans only got louder, the arousal pooling in her gut. When Kanaya finally brought her hand to abuse the nipple that wasn’t receiving the tongue treatment she became even louder. And when Kanaya sucked and grazed the nipple with her sharp teeth, Rose was begging.  
“Please Kan. Oh my god, fuck me, please.”  
Kanaya removed herself from her paramour, taking off her skirt as Rose did the same. She was prepared move things along when Rose stopped her. Curiosity always trumped libido for these two, and sometimes it just combined.   
“What’s that?” Asked Rose, pointed to the writing appendage below Kanaya’s waist, oozing transparent green fluid.  
“That is my bulge.”  
“Do all trolls have that?  
“Yes.”  
Rose’s face grew ten times redder, she always knew she had a tentacle fetish. “Can I touch it?”


	19. JohnDave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Homestuck Sexcanon 1762: When Dave first told John, "Everythings bigger in Texas." John replied with, "Explains you ego." After dating for a few months, they were about to have their first time and Dave said it again, exposing his nine-inch and pushing it into John.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For anon from Tumblr. 
> 
> So it's the night before a team presentation I have to give tomorrow. I got my shit done at like 5pm yesterday. It's 9:30 and now all of my teammates are finally getting their shit done. This is why I hate team projects. I don't want to work right now, I want to write gay porn.

John was at a bar for the first time in weeks and the insufferable prick sitting next to him almost made him want to leave.

“Beers are bigger in Texas too.”  On and on all night with this ‘bigger in Texas’ bullshit. No one cares if things are bigger in Washington state, they care about fair trade and organically grown, asshole. John couldn’t help but glare at the blonde from the corner of his eye, unfortunately, the blonde caught his gaze. Pushing down his ridiculous shades, revealing red eyes, the male looked right at John and said “Everything is bigger in Texas,” and winked.

John was not impressed to say the least. “Explains your ego.” The bartender, who had had enough of the Texan himself, laughed at the brunette’s response. The crimson eyes boy merely gaped, apparently no one had ever declined him before. John smirked in triumph.

 

So, the blonde’s name is Dave. He is also in John’s bedroom right now, they’d been dating for three months, don’t ask. He could be quite charming when you get to know him. Really, he’s just a dork who didn’t know how to flirt, but damn does he know how to work John up.

Dave had John pinned to the bed, tongue forced into the brunette’s mouth, exploring every inch. Occasionally, just to keep John entertained he would rock their hips together, earning a weak, submissive moan from his victim. “God you sound gorgeous.” Quick words before John’s breath was robbed from him once more. Soon the blue-eyed male could feel his wrists gathered into one of Dave’s hands, keeping them above his head, while the other hand grazed the skin down his body, and the blonde’s mouth made camp at his neck. Nips, licking, and sucking, coupled with the teasing touch of fingertips soon had John writhing.

“C’mon Dave.”

“Ah-ah, Not until you say what I want. I swear I’m going to make you say it Egbert.”

The unoccupied hand pushed up his shirt, revealing his nipples. Dave smiled against John’s collarbone as he began to roll one of the buds in his hands. John only wriggled more, an exasperated sigh escaping him, “Dave.”

“You know what I want, John.” Dave started abusing the other nipple with his tongue as John’s breath started to leave him in pants. The Texan rocked his hips a few times against John, earning a few deliciously surprised cries.

“AH! MMM!”

“C’mon, John. I know you want it.” A husky whisper in his ear. John only bit his lip. “Have it your way then.” Dave began rocking his hips faster, biting and pinching his paramour’s nipples, all while keeping John’s hands above his head.

“Dave, c’mon…fuck.” Breathless and unbelievably aroused.

“Say it.”  
“I want your huge Texan dick in me.” John would have rolled his eyes saying that if he wasn’t so desperate.

Dave smirked, releasing John and sitting back to unzip his jeans. He loved the look of John’s face when he took his nine-inch dick out, the eyes widening the mouth falling open just a little, and that adorable bright red blush that made him want to fuck John’s brains.

He quickly slicked himself up, taking his time to work John open. By the time he decided John was ready, the brunette was a beautiful drooling mess. He positioned himself at John’s entrance, the lover moaning underneath him, “I told you John, everything’s bigger in Texas.”


	20. Davekat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Homestuck Sexcanon 1802: Dave gets off on having sex in public.

Dave and Karkat were having a nice picnic in the park, a ways away from the hustle and bustle of the main area, no Frisbees or dogs over here. The food was finished the two were pleasantly satisfied as Karkat laid his head on Dave’s shoulder, the two lying down on the blanket, cuddling. A blanket kept them warm from the brisk March weather. The troll allowed his eyes to close as he felt blunt human fingers massage his scalp.

“mmm”

“You like that kitkat?”

“Dave don’t call me that in public.”

“There’s no one around.” Dave kissed the top of his boyfriend’s head.

“So? People this is a park, people walk through here all the time and I don’t like acting like a fucking love struck wriggler.”

“Maybe we can do something a little noisier then. I promise to only say your actual name.” The blonde’s voice dips lower, sending shivers down Karkat’s spine. “And as loud as you want.”

Karkat wasn’t given anytime to respond as Dave was soon on top of him, grinding their hips together and begging in a delectable whine in Karkat’s ear. “Come on Karkat, you can’t keep that magic hentai wand from me. It’s perfect here.”

Karkat could help but react favorably to all of Dave’s ministrations and erotic noises. “Fine, but I’m riding you. And no more hanging out with Jake, you’re getting his weird way with words.”

Dave wagged his eyebrows, “Worked didn’t it?”

The smell of fresh air and the cool breeze hitting hot skin and the distant noise of the populace made Dave all the more eager to continue. It was like the sexist game of hide and seek in the world. Could they get off before anyone found them?

Karkat wasted no time getting his pants off, nook wetter than he’d like to admit. His bulge probing Dave’s entrance as he slowly started to lower himself on to Dave’s exposed shaft.

Soon they create a rhythm, Karkat is moaning loudly and Dave really thinks someone might catch them. The mere thought drives a strangled moan out of his own throat.  Rustling can be heard and he feels hyper aware, the blanket was tossed aside at one point. They are completely exposed, Karkat’s moaning is getting louder, his nook clenching hard on Dave’s dick, and his wriggling bulge touching every wonderful place in his ass. He’s so close, they are so clos-

“I think it’s coming from over here!” People are look for the noise. Too much, Dave came inside Karkat facilitating Karkat’s own release.  Fluid was now leaking out of Dave’s ass and all over his pelvis, but he was too blissed out to care.

It only took a few seconds for them to come down from their respective highs, Karkat a bit more rudely than Dave. A bright orange Frisbee hit Karkat square in the forehead. A note attached to it.

_Not here to kink-shame, but half the park could hear you two. You’re scaring children with all that noise. Next time just fuck in the bathroom or walk around the mall with an anal plug up your ass or something. Like a normal exhibitionist._

_Keep it kinky, try not to get arrested,_

_Dirk_


	21. JohnDave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Homestuck Sexcanon #2759: John's a little pudgy, but Dave doesn't care. He thinks it just adds to John's attractiveness.

Your name is Dave Strider and you are stupidly, hopelessly, and completely infatuated with your boyfriend, John Egbert. The perfectly black hair gracing his pale face, framing his stunning blue eyes. The roundness of his face and the overall shape of his body makes your insides flutter. You could watch him all day. You wouldn’t change a thing about him, well not physically. There is one thing you’d like to change, his self-esteem. You watch, your heart slowly breaking as you two walk in the mall, passing by that same store for the thirtieth time. You can see John stare longingly at those particular pair of cargo shorts he’s been eyeing for the past two weeks. You don’t know what it is about those specific cargo shorts that he’s so in love with, but he can never bring himself to go in and try a pair on. The store notoriously runs small in clothing and poor John is so self-conscious.

“You gonna go in today?”

“Nah, I don’t really like them anymore, what’s the point.” Liar, he’s practically drooling.

You two arrive home and snuggle up on the couch, he’s shifting uncomfortably like he always does after a trip to the mall. You bury you face in his neck and let your hands go under his shirt. He grabs your elbow and the dance begins.

“You’re just going to feel my fat rolls.”

“Dude, your curled up as far as you can go, everyone as fat rolls when they position themselves like that.”

“Dave, c’mon, you know I’m fat and ugly. I know I’m fat and ugly. Let’s just stop.” Roughly the same spiel you get every time.

“You’re not fat, you’re plush and hot as hell.” 

“Plush is just your way of saying I’m fat.”

“No, plush is my way of say I love your squishy body. It’s nice to touch and nice to look at. Especially that ass, do you know how many people would kill to have that ass.” You said as you grabbed a handful of John’s rump for good measure. You could see John’s face heat up, good you were breaking down that wall of self-deprecation quicker today. You suck that part of his neck that he likes and hear him giggle and his skin heat up more. You groan as you touch his stomach again and whisper in his ear, “You are hot as fuck Egbert.” Pressing your growing erection into his hip to show that it’s not only words, you have solid proof of his hotness in your pants.

You let hand wander further down his body, grasping a hold of his thick cock and make an exaggerated moan in his ear, “The only thing ‘fat’ about you, is your dick.”

John’s breathing heavy now and you mentally pat yourself on the back, maybe you can coax that shirt off him this time. You pump his erection, kissing his neck and keep whispering little praises in his ear, “So fucking hot. You’re so nice to look at John, I’m so lucky to have you. You’re perfect.”

John is moaning and you suck his adam’s apple to coax more delectable noises from him. At some point he tries to say something, but you are a bit preoccupied by him writhing against your touch. He comes on your hand and you make a show of licking it off, let him know that you find everything about him irresistible. John watches and whimpers, overstimulated.

Now time to take care of yourself, it won’t take much. As you get close, John bats your hand out of the way, taking your erection in his own hand, saying “I love you,” as you reach climax.

 

The reset of the evening is spent cuddling. After a few days of praises and encouragement, John finally tries on those cargo shorts. They’re too small, but you buy them anyway, against John’s protests. You secretly take them to your sister and her girlfriend, they can work magic letting clothes out, and surprise John a week later with shorts that fit. You think you could die from how happy he looks.


	22. DirkJake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Homestuck Sexcanon 5050:Heroes of Heart are usually very gentle in bed, but if you ask them, they will be extremely rough with you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not sure this counts as extremely rough, but I think it's rough enough for the prompt.

The two were making out in the doorway, romance getting ahead of them for their weekend together. Dirk carefully guided Jake through the door and closed it, before pressing the adventurer up against it. Gentle hands rested on lean hips as tender kisses decorated the supple neck. A soft sucking on the divot just above the collarbone. Not harsh, no, never harsh, only oozing care and intent of the night to come. A night guaranteed to be one of a languid carnal play and soft blissful pleasure, of gradual build up and blurred lines leaving them both sated, and fully recovered after a night’s sleep.

Jake loved his boyfriend and the great consideration he took when making love, but he was a jungle boy at heart, sometimes he wanted to be manhandled. He wanted to be thrown on the bed, pinned and writhing, skin burning and fucked so hard he couldn’t walk the next day, but he didn’t know how to ask. Dirk light touches just weren’t doing the trick for him today. Unfortunately for him, Dirk was an exceptional observer.

“You’re not into it tonight?” He noted the distinct lack of action in Jake’s pants.

“It’s not that. I want to I really do, I just…” He bit his lip, unsure how to voice his request, a blush rising to his cheeks.

“What? What is it?” Dirk cradled his lover’s face, concern and old fears resurfacing with Jake’s continued silence. “Was it bad last time? I thought I- I mean it seemed like you-“

“No, Dirk, no. Last time was great, bang up job. I just um.” Jake lowered his head onto Dirk’s shoulder. “I’m a- I have….un-gentlemanly predilections and wish to engage in them. But, I’d feel like a straight boorish cur demanding such infernal preferences on our intercourse.”

“Tell me what you like Jake. Tell me what you want.” Not demanding, not even a little, only imploring and pleading.

Jake was bright red, looking away, unable to face the love of his life.

“Please.” Dirk looked more upset about this than Jake was, a notion that forced Jake’s hand and opened his mouth.

“You are wonderfully gentle, truly a tip-top lover that any dandy would be lucky to experience. I just, I’m not some swooning sweetheart. I can handle a good level of roughhousing in primal intimacy.”

“You mean you want it rough?”

Jake buried his face in Dirk’s neck and whispered, “Yes.”

Dirk kindly peeled Jake off the wall, held him close and kissed his head; feeling Jake relax against him, like he had resigned himself to slow sweet sex for the night. Dirk grabbed him and heaved him against the door again, a leg forced between his thighs, arms pinned by his head as a demanding tongue worked its way into his mouth. The kiss was so forceful all Jake could do was leave his mouth open and let Dirk do as he please, while his head was left swimming over the change in attitudes. He was kissed breathless, lungs burning for air and needy noises leaving his mouth. Dirk pulled away and looked at him. “Let me know if I go too far.” Jake nodded in response, breath coming in buckets as he felt pleasantly light-headed.

Dirk smothered him against the door, his wrists soon clasped into one of the prince’s big hands, while the other hand was forcing his pants off his hips. “Kick off your shoes,” growled his lover as Jake clumsily obeyed, trembling with excitement and arousal. The pants were soon off him, underwear still on, but Dirk’s next move was to rid him of the annoying shirt that kept his chest covered. The blonde physically ripped the shirt of Jake’s body. The motion and slight sting of the cloth violently taken from his form, made his senses light up and his vision cloud for a moment. Dirk was still on him, kissing his shoulder and returning to the base of Jake’s neck. Teeth barred against the vulnerable body part only encouraged Jake to give him more room, desperate hands clinging to his strong boyfriend’s form. Dirk bit him, making his ears ring and his legs go weak, a scream of pleasure escaping him. Dirk braced him and whispered in his ear, “Legs around me.” Jake did as he was told.

Dirk carried him to their room, tossing him on the bed and wrenching his boxers off him. He was drooling, erection painfully pulsing against his abdomen. Dirk quickly undressed and grabbed the lube. Forcing a finger into Jake’s entrance, earning a groan from a blissed out Jake. Dirk didn’t prep him to the same extent he normally did, instead opting for a quick lubing and a hard fucking. The burn of the stretch soon coupled with the pleasant feeling of Dirk’s dick hitting his prostate and everything melded into a hot mixture of overwhelmed senses and a vague mind. Orgasm hit him a lot harder than usual and the afterglow left him feeling wonderfully exhausted and completely sated.

Dirk was laying next to him a calm, tender hand petting his sweat-soaked hair. “Hey there space cadet.”

“Hey,” his voice sore and raspy.

“Was it good?”

Jake laughed, “Boy shitting howdy.”

“So, yes?”

“That was amazing.


	23. JohDave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Homestuck Sexcanon # 8542: One time, Dad Egbert came home from work and walked into John giving Dave a lap dance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bonus because I wasn't in any condition to draw last night. 
> 
> Okay, while writing this I realized I know very little about lap dances. I hope you guys like it anyway.

“We really need to get an apartment.” Said Dave as he sat on a chair in the Egbert living room. Both boys were on a summer break from college and had the fortunate opportunity of a day when they both were off work and John’s dad was out of the house.

“How about we graduate first?” John stood in front of Dave’s chair, a crop top gracing his lithe form, booty shorts framing his ass perfectly and thigh-high stocking with stiletto heels for the right about of kink. Music was on, some song Dave couldn’t remember the name to.  

John began his dance with a sway of the hips and some choice gyrations meant to entice. Dave sat back and resisted the urge to reach out and claim John right there. John continued to dance, turning his back to Dave, bending as far forward as he could, shaking his ass the entire time.

Dave was already sporting a pretty decent hard-on, but John wasn’t done. The brunette kneeled in front of Dave, placing his hands on the blondes knees and forcing his legs open. Snaking his way from between the and off the floor, until his body was barely hovering above Dave’s about to kiss him. It was all a giant tease though, as he turned around, lying against Dave, hands reaching up, fingers threading through soft blonde hair. John arched his back and scooted his ass back against Dave’s erection, grinding against it as he heard a breathless “Fuck John.”

John hummed against him, “Well Mr. Strider, to take care of that is going to cost you extra.”

Dave seized that moment to hold John close, hands trailing down John’s form touch the bare skin. “Take off the top,” he ordered.

John placed his hands on the arms of the chair, and as he stood up, grazed his ass against Dave’s boner once more. “Yes sir.” He undulated back to his imaginary stage, making a great show of removing the crop top and throwing it on to Dave’s face. As the blonde removed it, John took the opportunity to acquire those insufferable shades and put them on himself.

“Hey, give them back.”

“No, Mr. Strider. If you want to take anything off my body, you’ll have to pay extra,” giving a cheeky wink as he pulled down the sunglasses; quickly replacing them to their proper position on his face. John placed his own hands on his form, playing with his nipples and another wandering down to his own hard-on, palming himself a little as Dave watched.

He draped himself across Dave’s lap, taking the blonde’s hand, directing it where to touch, giving an exaggerated moan and reveling the twitch he felt against his back. While keeping Dave’s hand occupied, he allowed his own to creep up the blonde’s shirt, feeling the muscles tense and relax with each movement.

John moved himself into straddling position a hair’s breadth away from Dave’s mouth, “So, Mr. Strider, would you like to continue this upstairs, in bed?”

During their entire activity, they did not hear Dadbert’s car pull in or the key unlocking the door. It wasn’t until light flooded the slightly darkened living room that the two noticed that John’s dad was home. And his father was faced with the sight of a half-naked John straddling his boyfriend in his father’s favorite chair, wearing thigh-highs and shoes that his father didn’t know he owned.

“Uh….hi dad.”

 


	24. JakeRoxy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Homestuck Sexcanon #6377: Jake makes Roxy moan loudest, no matter what he does.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you like it, I’m not sure I did the prompt right.

Roxy was eyeing that fine piece of English ass from across the living room. She had hidden his favorite pistols in the bottom drawer of the cabinet and was relishing watching him as he bent over further and further in pursuit of his favorite weapon. She had lucked out that night, the shortest fucking pair of booty shorts he owned, his ass cheeks were falling out.

“Damn Jake.”

“What?”

“You trying to seduce me with view?” She giggled. Jake huffed in annoyance.

“No my darling amorous dame, I’m looking for me fav-“He turned around to find his girlfriend naked on his couch, smiling that devious little smile of hers. “I-I do believe this is a nefarious plot of yours to keep me from the great call of my plundering and adventures.”

“Well, you could plunder me. That could be an adventure.” Somehow she managed to straight face saying that, and let her hands wander her slender body. Jake appeared to have lost his train of thought, wandering over to her in a trance. He stared down at her as she posed seductively on their couch.

“Perhaps I could, postpone my engagements.” He let his fingertips graze her bare skin and she arched at his touch, a soft moan escaped her and Jake was done. He hoisted her into his arms, making his way to the bedroom, desperately trying to disrobe himself on the way. He managed to careen into the wall several times, twice bumping Roxy’s head, she groaned at his excitement.

“C’mon Jakey, don’t you want me?” She said in an exaggerated sweet voice. Jake stumbled faster until he half threw himself and her onto the bed.

Jake soon completely disrobed and kissed Roxy hard. As he pulled away he said, “Now is the time for magic sexual escapades with my tallywhacker in your cavern of delights.”

Roxy giggled, “Oh my gawd Ja-hake.”  He sucked her nipple into his mouth, listening to her moan. He kissed his way up to her ear nibbling earlobe whispering to his fiendish princess, “A gentleman must know how to please his lady.” His hand was between her legs, rubbing her clit, she moaned his name loudly. “You really have a wonderful voice darling.”

He withdrew his hand and climbed further up the bed and over Roxy, searching for a condom. They should really put those in a specific place, not leave them strewn around. Little did he realize that he was smacking Roxy in the face with his erect cock, as she was still on the edge of the bed, her feet touching the ground. She moaned at the feeling and the taste of his precum touching her lips. “Found you, you elusive gizmo of reproductive contraception!” He shimmied his way back down and saw what he had done, he blushed a little and licked his fluid off her face, feeding it to her in a sloppy kiss.

“Jake.” She moaned as he pulled away yet again, fighting with the condom wrapper.

“Soon my dear, as soon as I can get this nefarious wrapper off my dick glove, we will have wonderful sexy times.” He continued to fight with the wrapper for quite some time, Roxy took the liberty of sucking his testicles until he was ready, moaning the entire time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I kept fighting between sexy Jake and goofy Jake, as you can see, I leaned towards the latter. I love right goofy Jake though.


	25. RoseKanaya

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Homestuck Sexcanon 7451: Rose is a hopeless romantic and loves having sex with Kanaya in a bed surrounded by candles.

Rose had gathered all her favorite candles in her room, lighting each one methodically, and arranging them in the most aesthetically pleasing way possible. She then considered Kanaya’s love making style and removed the candles closest to the bed for fear of the blanket’s catching on fire mid-coitus. She arranged rose petals on the bed (Kanaya better not make a pun) and prepared strawberries and whip cream for the two. She quickly changed into Kanaya’s favorite green negligee and awaited her matesprit, posed seductively on the bed.

Kanaya arrived sometime later, the sight of Rose on the bed making her blush green. “My, what’s the occasion?”

“A human holiday, Valentine’s Day.”

“And what are the parameters of this ‘Valentine’s Day?”

“Matesprits do romantic things for each other, often leading to erotic situations.”

“I suppose I could try.” Said Kanaya with a smirk.

“Your outfit is over there.” Rose pointed to the purple lace bra and panty set. Kanaya grew a darker shade of green and proceeded to a separate room to change, after all, she wanted to make an entrance. She strutted into the room, catching Rose sneaking some of the whip cream, sucking it off her finger.

“You look great.”

“Thank you, you have good taste in amorous attire.”

Rose smiled, kissing her matesprit. Kanaya smiled and was lead back to their bed where the food awaited them. Rose traces a whip cream dipped strawberry around Kanaya’s mouth before allowing her a bite. As the troll chewed, Rose licked the spare cream off, soon leading to strawberry flavored kisses and the plate of food knocked onto the floor. Kanaya was on top of Rose, kissing her down her neck and between her breasts. Rose moaned her name.

“As the human and the one to arrange this wonderful ambiance, I feel you should choose how we engage in the activity.”  
“I want to ride you.”

“You wish is my command darling.” They repositioned until Rose was on top. She admired the purple lace on grey skin, the soft glow of the candles providing flattering lighting, and the rose petals bringing out the warmth of the grey skin.

“Your gorgeous.” She said in a hushed tone. Kanaya coaxed her down until they were kissing again. Everything was unrushed, the disrobing, the foreplay. Rose gently stroked Kanaya’s bulge and played with the lips of her nook, the jade blood mewling at her ministrations.

Kanaya returned the favor, softly kissing Rose’s neck and nipping at her skin, as the troll’s bulge played with Rose’s entrance.  


“Please Kanaya.” Rose whined, writhing at the stimulation.

“As you wish.” The bulge slithered into Rose’s intimate cavern and both girls groaned at the sensation. Kanaya held her human close as the appendage thrashed inside her lover, Rose moaning her name over and over. It didn’t take long for Rose to climax, Kanaya not far behind.

As the two lay in post orgasmic bliss, the soft illumination around them gave a lovely dreamlike feeling. Like they were in the land of magic and peace, all was perfect and romantic, and easy. This was the moment that made Rose thankful for her preparation, nothing beat the picturesque moment of lying her with one and only love.


	26. Davekat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Homestuck Sexcanon #959: Even though he tries to control it, Dave is extremely vocal in bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oops! Meant to post this yesterday.   
> This kind of went in a weird direction towards the end.

Karkat pulled his blond hair as sharp teeth dug into his shoulder. Dave did his best stifle a loud whine, but enough sound escaped to reassure his matesprit of his enjoyment. Karkat shoved him face down into the bed, raking sharp nails over his back, he moaned in to the pillow, cutting himself off mid-way as he remembered his need for stoicism. Karkat was displeased and bit his ass, making Dave cry out in sweet agony. “Stop holding the noises in Dave, you’re going to crumble anyway.”

Dave to the statement as more of a challenge than as a fact. Biting his lip as Karkat softly prodded his entrance with the troll’s bulge. The tapered tip of the tentacle dick pleasant slathering his hole with genetic fluid, which left an arousing tingling sensation. A soft grunt escaped him and Karkat was tipped off to Dave’s reluctance in the noise making department, time for his special technique. He pressed the based if his bulge flush against Dave’s hole, allow the rest of it to slithered down and curl around his lover. The tentacle was soon gracing Dave’s taint, massaging his balls and smearing a little genetic fluid on the base of Dave’s dick. The blonde lost his self-control. “Oh god, Karkat. KARKAT!”

“You like that Dave.” He pressed himself as hard as he could against his human lover, rocking his hips and a smooth undulating motion.

“Ah! AH! YES!”

“You’re not very convincing Dave.”

“OH GOD! HAH!” The troll’s genetic fluid coated his testicles, every part of his body trembled as he felt his excitement grew. “PLEASE KARKAT!”

The troll violently flipped him over, tenta-bulge slithering its way inside Dave, making him mewl. Karkat shrouded the human with his body, kissing Dave sweetly as his bulge flailed inside the human. Dave writhed, mouth hanging open as he forgot how to kiss back, broken moans and half formed words filling the room. Karkat groaned into Dave’s shoulder as the human continued his symphony of erotic cries.

“MORE! AH! AH! NGGHHHAAAAAH! KARKAT! KARKAT! I-I-FUCK! HARDER!” It doesn’t take long for them to come together. As they come down from their orgasmic highs, Dave buries his face in Karkat’s chest.

“What’s the matter?”

“I’m a weak-willed loud whore.”

“It’s sex, that’s a good thing.”

“Not very manly.”

“Okay, explain this arbitrary human masculinity thing to me again. Why is sounding so good in bed a bad thing?”

“… It’s just,…I don’t know.”

“I like the way you sound.”

“…”

“Stop it, I can hear you thinking.” Karkat kissed Dave’s cheek, soon smothering him with affection. The blonde started giggling and Karkat smiled. “I love you, Dave. I love you know matter what fucked up human bullshit goes on in that brain of yours.”

Dave smiled, an inner demon broken and partially stripped of its power, with time it will be vanquished completely. The two held hands and drift into the quiet realm of unreality.


	27. DirkJohn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Homestuck Sexcanon #9030: Due to a recent experience, John has taken a liking to being slammed up against doors during sex.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bonus drabble because my class was cancelled yesterday! I’ve been really looking forward to writing this one, I was thinking rough sex, I actually considered several different scenarios….for some reason it ended up with sadstuck. No one dies specifically in the fic, but I can’t say this is a happy story.
> 
> Takes place during the game over timeline, only John never talked to Terezi and Roxy didn’t survive.

Dirk was walking around the apartment, all of his friends were dead, the earth was still an utter wasteland and his life seemed so bleak part of him wondered why he hadn’t killed himself yet. The air around his house was still toxic, they really should live in one of the other houses available…his air left him as the horrible memory of his dead friends flooded back into view, tears pricked his eyes as he forced the emotion back.

John was asleep on the couch, a cake on the table in front of him. Why would John alchemize a cake? If there was one thing Dirk knew about John, it was that the boy hated cake. As he approached the sleeping figure he saw piped icing on the treat that said “Happy Birthday Dirk.” Water flooded his vision, his first birthday cake, in a post-apocalyptic wasteland with the only other human being. Everything seemed tragic to him, he sniffled. John awoke at the sound, shushes and gentle hands removed Dirk’s shades and wiped his tears. “I know it’s hard,” a whispered reassurance of their mutual suffering. John had steadily become more affectionate with Dirk over the past several months, they were all each other had.

Dirk kissed him, to prove this was real and not some nightmare; and immediately stopped when he realized who he was kissing. John wasn’t into guys, he made that very clear. “Sorry, I just-“

“No, I get it.” John kissed him, a mild shock melted into mutual desperation. A desperation to escape their situation for a little while. Nothing had to exist but them and this couch, not right now. “Let’s move to your bed.”

“Why?” Why should they return to their awful reality for even a moment when they could feel good?

“There’s a spring digging into my back.” Sure enough one of the springs from the ancient couch had broken away from its home. Dirk was kissing John again, grabbing his legs, silently instructing him. John complied, wrapping his legs around Dirk’s waste as the blonde carried him to the bedroom. As they approached the room, Dirk pushed his back against the door to find it locked, he liked his privacy and now it was biting him in the ass. He fished his key out, kissing John all the while as the brunette was clawing his shoulder. He tried to unlock the door, but John had decided to suck on his neck and play with his nipples through his shirt, and it was very distracting. He hoisted himself off the door and slammed John into the door, he was about to say “Just give me a minute,” but was cut off by a long sultry moan. The two met each others eyes, a blush covered John and Dirk was soon on his neck rutting against him, pushing him harder into the door.

“You like that Egbert?” Dirk slammed him into the door again, eliciting a louder moan. Dirk sucked hard on the base of John’s neck, making the smaller male squirm, resulting in another slam against the door and another moan.

“Dirk, fuck.”

“Mmmm John.”

The heir’s hands were tangled in his hair and hot breath was felt against his chin. They kissed again, fevered, hungry, and with a shared need to fill the hole of loneliness and abandonment in their hearts. John’s legs were soon back on the ground as the two fumbled to get their pants off. Dirk realized he still had his keys in his hand and finally unlocked the door, grabbing the lube as John joined him on his bed.

Dirk was above John, hand coated in lube, asking permission. He grabbed the blonde’s wrist and the gooey hand on his erection. Dirk pumped him as soft grunts and mewls filled the room. Dirk was actually surprised with how quiet John was. “Fuck Dirk, should- should I…?”

“No,” Dirk placed his dick flush against John’s and pumped them together. Both boys thrusting against each other, looking for that sliver of bliss in their own personal hell. Grace blessed them with climax and they laid together, allowed a reprieve from their reality and from their thoughts and desolation.

When the divine fuzziness receded from them and they were left with messed up sheets, sweaty bodies, and each other, an awkward hush fell over them. Dirk was the first to act, taking John’s hand in his. “Hey, that didn’t have to mean anything if you don’t want it to. I mean, it…just…you know.”

“…” Rather than saying anything, John curled against Dirk, clutching him as if the blonde would melt away if he didn’t.

“John?”

“I want it to mean something.”

Dirk held the brunette close. “Me too.”

“Does this make me gay now?”

“Do orientations even exist at the end of the universe?”

“Good point.” The two held each other tightly, soft caresses and affectionate kisses.

“So, you like being man-handled?” John blushed a deep red.

“I guess I do.”

“I’ll have to remember that for next time.” John half-heartedly punched him.

“No, I need to learn your weaknesses.”

“You act like sex is a video game boss battle.”

“No, I just don’t want to be the only one getting off.”

“Uh, John? Look at our shirts.” The heir gazed at their clothing, semen stains very clear. “Trust me, I got off.” Dirk pulled him into another kiss, completely different from before. Rather than a desperate need to escape, the kiss was a contract, a question with its own answer. _Will you stay with me after the end of everything? Always._


	28. DirkJake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Homestuck Sexcanon #3197: Jake English is a total bottom. He likes it when Dirk spanks him, and Dirk's obsession with his plush rump turns him on more than anything in the world. Also, he enjoys doggy style, and riding Dirk's cock as if tomorrow is never coming. Dirk has nothing to complain about.

“Oh god, Dirk.” You sigh, the breach always feels so good. He has you bent over the bed, massaging your hips as he slides into you, whispering little curses of his own.

“Fuck Jake, you’re so tight. Fuck.” Once he’s fully sheathed inside he leans forward, sucking at the hallow behind your ear and you moan. “You’re going to be my noisy little bitch tonight, right? Going to make all those nice noises for me?” He slaps your ass and you let out another loud, wordless moan. He’s needy tonight, in his own way, you love it when he’s like this. “I’m going to fuck this tight little ass of yours…make you beg me to let you come…and you’re going to love it.” He’s grabbing the base of your cock, using the sensation and the dirty talk to relax you so he can fuck you properly, betraying himself with a soft caress of your arm and a kiss at one your shoulder.

“Yes, master.” His breath hitches at that, just like it always does. He spanks you and you groan “master” once more and he hits you again, the fleshy burn making you quiver. He kisses down your spine, massaging the area. He’s always so careful in the beginning, maybe because you always melt under him. He must have deemed you ready because he’s slowly moving in you and you have to remind yourself to relax, it’s been a while, you’re not as stretched you were last time. Warm hands are rubbing your sides, the moving inside you continues like a slow dance, refreshing you of the steps before the main event. It also has the effect of lulling you into a pliant repose, your mind fuzzing at the edges, just as he likes, so he can have you however he wants.

“Jake?” His voice is tight with restraint and a little gravelly with lust, the tone one of concern, he doesn’t like it when you get quiet.

“Nnnn?” Mind doesn’t want to form words, eyes don’t want to open, that is until three sharp slaps come down on your rump hard. The stinging sending adrenaline through your body, nerves lighting up and mixing with that relaxed pleasure; mind caught between blissful serenity and the excitement of the pain. “Dirraaahh” a staccato croak as your voice couldn’t decide what to do.

“Excuse me.” Breathless and rough and dark, the sound of his consumed you, flooding in through your ears and seeping into every vein and every bone.

Another smack and your shout “Master!” He’s fucking you hard now, each thrust moves you, and you swear moves the bed as well. He’s so powerful and he’s in you and your babbling and not making sense but it doesn’t matter because he’s fucking you so nicely. “Ah! More! Please, I-I-I hit me again! I-please!”

And he hits you repeatedly, over and over, his hand long gone from your dick, the abuse to your rear end making you leak. He’s still hitting you, alternating cheeks and it hurts so magnificently and tears spring to your eyes before he finally stops. You’re shaking uncontrollably now, and he’s whispering in your ear “Beg me.”

And you sing for him like his little canary, sing for him because you know he loves it, and he grips you abused ass and everything burns that much more. “P-pl-hah-ease m-maAAHster I gotta-gotta come.”

He licks you from your shoulder to your ear, and you nearly miss what he says “Should’ve eaten you out first, fuck you taste so good…a..” the rest is lost in static of imminent orgasm, you sob and beg again, you think, because Dirk’s hand is on dick, one touch is all it takes, and your gone.

Moments later, both of you breathing heavy, your hearing still cutting in and out. He pulls out of you and whispers how good you were. He’s asking if you need anything and your words are still gone, nothing forms and he looks concerned and asks you again, placing his hand on your face. You smile and hold it there, he seems to get the message and kisses you. Strong arms hold you close, the scent of his sweat fills your nose and warmth envelopes your chest. Hiding in the crook of his neck you let exhaustion take hold, a fleeting realization that he’s humming your favorite song crosses, as you fade into a loving black.


	29. DirkJake (with lilhal)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Homestuck Sexcanon #5019: Dirk likes to keep his glasses on during sex so his autoresponder doesn't feel left out.

The room was dim, twilight glimmers dancing across the walls through the curtains, a soft glow from a distant lamp allowing the lovers to see outlines. The bed squeaked as they expressed utmost passion for each other. Naked and flushed against each other, hair a mess, completely bare except for Dirk’s shades. A caramel hand raised and rested under the eyewear; a pale hand held it there leaning into its comfort. “Have I ever told you you’re beautiful?” A rare sentimental word from the otherwise reticent male.

“Only every night.”

“I don’t do it enough.”

Jake hummed as Dirk kissed his neck, following an invisible line down his torso, careful not to upset the skin with his pointed shades. Dirk gave a leisure thrust, taking his time, watching Jake’s reactions as he moved inside him. A slight surprised gaping of the mouth, eyes fluttered closed, a small pucker of the brow, his gorgeous boyfriend was a candied sight that threaten to overwhelm the senses. The brunette’s back arched and his breathing hitched, he squirmed underneath his lover. Strung tight only to haplessly jerk and relax, leading to another winding and repeated experience.

A smirk crept over Dirk’s face, it was rare that Jake reacted this way, must have been worked up to night. He started plunging faster into Jake the writhing becoming faster and more erratic. Dirk’s excitement could only grow with the sensation and the sight. He felt desperate hand pull him forward, likely for a kiss, and he wanted to comply. Give his adventurer and comfort or excitement he needed. Instead he was given a surprise, a whisper in his ear. “Harder, Senpai.” Dirk lost all of his stoicism and control of the situation, coming instantly inside Jake.

Labored breathing and frazzled nerves were interrupted and intensified by a spurt of hot white arousal across his chest and a gasp from the one below him. His world was spinning as connection failed to communicate and all was an indistinct blur of limbs and fluid. When the details of the world filtered back in, red text spanned his vision. “I took the liberty of telling Jake some of your milder preference, he still doesn’t know about the pony play fiction you wrote. Also, I recorded this session of your lovemaking for your perusal later.” After several scans of the words, meaning finally sank in and the blonde smiled. He wasn’t sure involving Hal was a good idea, but he’s glad he took the chance. He could feel Jake’s head resting on his chest, his own arm raised with great effort to possessively hold Jake closer.

“Fuck.”

“I wasn’t aware of your Japanese school boy predilections, I though Hal was pulling my leg quite honestly.”

“…Did it weird you out?”

“No, although I was a little surprised at how much you responded to it. Should I wear a school uniform next time and ask you for help with my homework?”

Dirk groaned because as much as he hated to admit it, that did sound hot.

“I’ll take that as a yes then.”

More red text flashed across the screen. “Just ordered it.”


	30. JohnRoxy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Homestuck Sexcanon 9063: John loves having his balls sucked.Roxy is more than eager to oblige.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys like it! Also, sorry, but I had to have inexperienced John.

John held Roxy close as he kissed her, one hand threading through the beautiful soft blonde hair, the other securely on the small of her back, keeping her close. He felt one of her hands bunching his shirt while the other caressed his neck, making him shiver. It’s like they were made for each other, two goofy dorks, making jokes with each other; followed by sloppy makeouts. She loved watching movies with him, sometimes he’d watch her program, never really understanding, but loving the image of her in the zone. Hal wasn’t happy about it so much, poor guy was forced back into the computer. Apparently, he a Roxy bonded over coding and John got in the way. Not that Hal was ever very considerate of their time together, even now he can see blurry red commentary on her computer screen from the corner of his eye.

Neck exposed as he felt her kiss down to his shoulders, he shuddered. Only she had ever had the power to do this to him. A small scrape of her nails against his stomach, under his shirt. Within seconds it was gone and she was kissing down the line of his body once more. She took his breath away…ha, the rouge of void taking the heir of breath’s aspect away. How fitting. He giggled and she stopped and looked at him smiling. “What’s so funny?” He explained his line of though and she giggled as well. “Well John, perhaps I should move on to phase two of my plan.”

She ripped the pants from his hips, yes he had gone commando for the day. His cock exposed and in her mouth before he could say a word. “Oh god, Roxy. Roxy!”  he moaned. Hallowing her cheeks, his excitement building, “W-wait.” She pulled off him, a worried expression on her face.

“What’s wrong? Did I-“

“No, god no, you’re fantastic. I was-um…” He shifted uncomfortably, was it okay to ask her?

“Yeah.”

“Never mind.”

“No, John tell me.”

“I was…” He beckoned her close, too shy to say the words out loud, she smiled at him and hear his request, kissing him in assent.

Gently massaging his dick as she adjusted herself, taking on of his testicles in her mouth, licking it before sucking in softly. “OH GOD!” John, now very thankful he asked, was gripping the sheets tightly. She continued to suck, jerking him with one hand while rubbing his other testicle with the other. “Yes, fuck Roxy.” She hummed and the vibrations only made him moan louder. When she switched, giving attention to the neglected orb, he cried out a warning and came.

The rouge grabbed tissues and cleaned up her boyfriend as he looked at her in a dreamy haze. When words returned to him he praised her, “You’re the best.”  Pulling her in and kissing her neck, making her groan, her own body alight from her boyfriend’s performance. “Hmm, let me repay you.” Turning them over so he was on top of her, pawing at her clothes trying to get remove them as quickly as possible. Kissing her body as he listened to her breathy moans. He wasn’t very skilled at cunnilingus, he tried his best, but she asked him to finger her…he messed that up too. Soon she was pleasuring herself while John did his best to help. Whispering sweet nothings in her ear, attempting to dirty talk, until she just asked him to moan for her. That he was good at.

Afterwards they laid together, cuddling (finally something he was good at). She was comfortable and content, drifting sweetly to sleep, John soon to follow. His phone buzzed, quietly picking it up to see that Hal had sent him a few pesters. “You are quite possibly the worst lover I have ever seen. Urkel could get a woman off better than that, WITH the suspenders and glasses on. I’m sending you videos and information, read that shit.” John rolled his eyes and glared at the webcam, he should have covered it with a cloth. Too tired to be freaked out that an AI had watched them, John made a mental note to look at the material Hal provided later, and join Roxy in a peaceful snooze.


	31. Rosemary

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not a sexcanon, a request from anon on tumblr: "power bottom rose, with kayana, who very much enjoys rose riding her bulge"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright! It’s done. I hope you like it anon! This was my first time I really tried to write a power bottom, so feel free to comment with critiques!

Kanaya was laid out on the bed, her bulge writhing with anticipation. Her lover covered her body, gently brushing her erotic appendage away if she became too eager. “Remember darling, do nothing until I say so. Don’t even come unless I say.”

“Is this common for human mating rituals?”

“Yes, now just relax.” Rose kissed her lover’s form, taking one of her large mounds of grey flesh into the human mouth. Kanaya gasped and whined, making Rose smirk. She sucked, eliciting a sharp cry from the troll under her. “You want me to ride you, don’t you Kan?”

“Yes.” Rose moved to the other mound of flesh, Kanaya’s fists clenched the sheets.

“You can put it in now Kan.” The troll didn’t need to be told twice, the oozing green tentacle slithered inside her girlfriend, making the human shudder. “Careful, no thrashing yet.” Kanaya whined, trying to retrain herself, Rose’s heat making it difficult. The delicious warmth encompassing her appendage, begging her to explore its depths.

Rose rocked her hips inducing another moan from her matesprit. A devious smirk appeared on the human’s face. Delicate hands explored their own body, purple eyes met their jade opposite, lidded and enticing. She pinched her nipples and moaned Kanaya’s name, making the bulge in her twitch, hitting the very edge of her g-spot. Thankful for her exceptional self-control, she kept her sound of need in, slapping Kanaya’s thigh in admonishment.

“Keep as still as possible.” Rose started grinding and bouncing on Kanaya’s bulge. Her breasts jiggling every time their hips met again. Kanaya watched Rose perform for her, a dark green coating her skin, losing control of her lower extremities as her tentacle began to wriggle inside her human lover. Rose stopped instantly, staring her paramour down in an erotic haze.

“I’m sorry Rose, you just-“

“Go ahead Kanaya. Let’s see what you’ve got.” The appendage began thrashing inside Rose, all of the pent up restraint breaking free and stretching Rose in the most pleasurable way. Every once in a while hitting her button, making her shake.

“Rose, I-I think I’m going to-“

“Don’t, know yet.” Soon Rose was bouncing on Kanaya’s lap once more, encouraging the bulge to jerk against her inner walls. Kanaya was forced to lie back, caught between watching her lover and shielding herself from stimuli that may bring about a premature end. As the speed increased, she wondered if she would be able to hold out. The sight of her dearest’s brow puckered with carnal delight and the soft tinge of pink made her grip the sheets in a desperate attempt at control.

“Come Kanaya.” She didn’t need to be told twice. Green genetic fluid flooded Rose’s cavern, the blonde climaxing shortly after. The hot alien semen inside her making her moan, filling her more than she ever thought possible.

Kanaya was the first to recover, she kindly gripped Rose’s shoulders, easing her down and slipping out of her. Kisses and whispers of adoration we the only noises until Rose recovered. Soft exhausted smiles were exchanged between the two before they drifted into the realm of pleasant illusions.


	32. JohnDave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Homestuck Sexcanon 3513:Dave can get John to easily cum if he fucks him from behind rough, pumps his length, and licks/kisses the sensitive parts of his neck all at the same time. John rarely ever lasts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bonus story because I’m on break!

John was chopping vegetables in preparation for dinner when he heard the lock click and his boyfriend open the door. He set down the knife and wiped his hand before head to the front door to great his paramour after what had to have been a long day. “Hey Dave……!-“

Dave’s sunglasses were off, a rare occurrence so early in the evening. The look in his incarnadine eyes felt like it could burn flesh. The brunette couldn’t even ask the blonde how his day went before the knight was on him, kissing him hard and taking his breath away. John was gasping as Dave continued his assault, pushing the breath player down the hall and towards their bedroom. Dave began nibbling at John’s jaw giving the smaller male a chance to ask as the whirlwind of arousal threatened to derail his thoughts, “Wh-what brought this on?”

“Been wanting you all day.” The pair’s legs met the edge of the bed. Dave pulled away, forcefully turned John around and pressed him into the mattress, head turned so he could breath. Dave pinned him there as he grinded his hard-on against John’s backside. The brunette moaning as he felt his own pants become painfully tight. “Say my name.” Dave demanded.

“Dave, fuck. God, Dave.” John’s hips bucked, making Dave swear.

The carnal undulations stopped, making John whine as Dave knelt down and whispered harshly in his ear. “Don’t move.”

The submissive male clenched his fists in the sheets as he felt the unfortunate departure of his lover. He could hear rustling, Dave was getting the lube and condoms. He felt the items placed beside him as Dave pawed at his clothes, nearly ripping them off his form. The blonde was naked now too, fingering John quickly before slicking himself up. He pressed into the heir, when John moaned he stopped, worried he had been too eager and hadn’t prepped him enough, “You okay.”

“Don’t stop.”

Dave smirked and continued to press into John, the two groaning at the contact. After only a few seconds to adjust Dave was pounding John as hard as he could. The male beneath him was writhing and clawing as the sheets as high pitched sounds of pleasure fell from his lips. The knight wrapped his hand around his lover’s cock, pumping powerfully and fervently. It still wasn’t enough, Dave kissed the special little intimate space on John neck, making him shout half formed words and mangled variations of Dave’s name. After another three pumps John was spent and collapsed on the bed as Dave continued fucking him. The blonde had an insane level of stamina, plunging into John’s soft lithe body until a second climax was imminent. Dave made him come again before finally releasing inside his boyfriend. The condom collected the fluid, but the heat still felt as John moaned at the sensation.

Dave took it upon himself to clean up and cover John, watching as his lover looked up at him bleary eyed. “I still have to make dinner.”

“Just rest for a bit and I’ll help you later.”


	33. Jake/Dirk/Roxy/Jane

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a while, Jake's shorts started to get too big for his rump. Everybody can't help oogling his ass in those tight khaki shorts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think the person who had submitted this to Homestuck Sexcanons meant that the shorts were too SMALL, that’s why they’re tight. At least, that’s the interpretation I went with. Not super NSFW, but NSFW enough to be here.

Jake had gained a little weight, Jane was bringing cake and cookies to every gathering of the alphas and it would have been rude to refuse. Now the calories all went to his rump and he can barely fit them on anymore. He silently hoped that none of the others noticed.

Dirk was walking behind Jake, next to Roxy, his eyes pulled downwards despite many efforts to keep them level. Thank god for the shades. Roxy was surprisingly quiet, thankfully. Trying to carry a conversation with this enticing distraction would be near impossible. His mind constantly wandering towards inappropriate fantasies. Day dreams of fucking Jake against a wall, squeezing his ass as he separated the cheeks. Or bending Jake over the bed, watching as his dick disappeared into the plush skin, hips smacking against the soft roundness with every thrust, the occasional slap that would make Jake moan. Shit, he’s going to get a raging boner if he doesn’t stop. Stop looking at the ass, stop looking at the ass, stop looking at the ass.

Roxy wasn’t fairing much better. Jake’s booty bounced when he walked, the tight khakis hiding nothing. She imagined idly, him dancing for her, in nothing but those tiny, tight, shorts. Ooo, what if he twerked in them? Did Jake know how to twerk? Roxy could teach him? Watch that ass shake. It was still jiggling nicely right now, almost hypnotic. No, this isn’t right. Jane and Dirk both liked Jake, she didn’t want to start anything. Maybe just admire the view a bit longer.

The four kids were setting up their weekly picnic on LOMAX, Dirk and Roxy were setting up the blanket, and Jake was helping Jane with the food. The adventurer was carrying the cooler, “Where would you like me to set this?”

“Over there’s fine.”

“Righto!”

Jane watched as Jake bent over, setting the cooler down, his ass perfectly framed by the too tight pants. A blush crept up to her cheeks as she went about setting up the food. Fanciful imagery filtered into her vision as she imagined a domestic scene with herself and Jake. Jake was cooking as she supervised, a playful squeeze on the large rump to distract him, dissolving into mutual touching, a burned dinner and tender lovemaking on the kitchen floor. Roxy had to call her back to reality and they began to eat.

Jake was oblivious to the entire predicament of his friend, merely relieved that no one seemed to notice his extra weight.


	34. Davekat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Homestuck Sexcanon 6869: Daveis pretty good at keeping his cool during sex, but when he finally cums he's a loud, shaking mess.

Karkat was frustrated with his stoic boyfriend. The bastard never moaned like he did during foreplay. Blunt human fingers trailed his grubscars making him swear and tremble, kissing with more passion and a hint of desperation. And the bastard smirked, he fucking smirked. One of the troll’s claws traced the most vulnerable area of the human’s neck, barely even a shudder. Shades were ripped from the pale face and flung to the corner of the room. A growl built in the stentorian boy’s chest, leaking into a lust filled kiss. “Dave I’m going to break that cool kid façade if it’s the last thing I do, I swear to frog.”

“What do you mean?”

“You know what I mean bulge muncher.”

“No, I really don’t.” Rosy lips licked where Karkat’s jaw met his neck, a breathy moan following and a writhing bulge that desperately needed freedom from its confines. Dave softly groped Karkat through his pants making the troll moan louder; it also appeared to unleash the more aggressive side of him.

Karkat forced Dave onto his back, claws tearing the shirt in half and away from the slender form. Reaching for the human’s lower raiment he was met with a slightly out of breath and mildly panicked response. “Whoa, dude. I don’t want your claws on my junk.” A leer and grunt of acknowledgement was given before the slate hued male climbed off and removed his own clothing.

Dave barley had enough time to remove his pants before Karkat was back on him, a slimy, but oddly pleasant and familiar feeling of a lubed tentacle at his entrance made Dave bite back a whine. Karkat, despite the aggressive nature, was always very gentle during the breach, kissing Dave tenderly, watching him intently, doing everything possible to make the experience comfortable.

Once sheathed inside a subtle wriggling could be felt. The troll patiently looking for the trigger. The only indication that he had found was a subtle arch and barely heard gasp from his lover. He continued to abuse it, Dave slowly unraveled little gasps and tiny moans, ripples of erotic sensations traveled through him. As he hit his brink he was writing underneath his matesprit calling out in high pitched cries of pleasure “FUCK K-KARKAT! KARKAT!” White spurts of hot cum spread across his stomach, Karkat slowed his assault, kissing Dave down from his high.

“Good, now we can do this right.” Before Dave could protest Karkat began thrashing inside him, swallowing his argument down with a kiss.

When he finally broke the lip-lock, Dave was already in the throes of a carnal embrace. “Ah- AH! AH!”


	35. DirkJake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sexcanon #1451: Jake English loves taking it up the ass. He will ride Dirk like a western adventurer rides a wild stallion, and dominate him into tameness.

“Jake! …Jake where the hell are you?” Dirk looked around, he hated Jake’s island, trees everywhere, impossible to see anything, the exact opposite of home. Shit, he had wandered too far away and had no idea where he was or which way Jake’s place was. He had no choice but to continue aimlessly about the forest. The terrain changed beneath his feet, the pumpkin patch, well at least now he had an idea of where he was. He began to move towards home when he was tackled from behind, the wind knocked out of him, gasping breath. Senses on high alert he fought frantically get free before he felt cool metal on his neck. “Steady there, Strider.”

The tension disappeared as mild annoyance set it. “I’ve been looking for you for the past hour, where the fuck were you?” Mouth partially obstructed by vines as he felt Jake’s weight on the back of his hips. Jake seemed to understand him nonetheless.

“Oh, just out for my evening hike. I apologize, I should have told you.”

“Yeah you should have.”

“I can make it up to you.” A soft rock of Jake’s hips against his ass sent Dirk mind to the filthiest place in this universe. Jake would not want that, sex maybe, but not THAT type of sex. Jake grinded against Dirk again eliciting a soft whimper from the blonde.

“Yeah, you do that.” Hands were clawing at his back as his shirt was removed. His body forced to roll on to his back by surprisingly strong hands. Jake was already shirtless, only tight-leaving-nothing-to-the-imagination shorts and his black pants keeping them from each other. “You sure you want to do this Jake?”

The page smiled the darkest smile Dirk had ever seen from his paramour and leaned down, a harsh breath in his ear “If I didn’t want it Dirk, would I have already lubed myself and stretched myself for you?” Yep, that’s it, Dirk needs his pants off now. The two quickly stripped and Jake knelt over pale hips, reaching behind as he pulled something out of his ass. Eyes hungry and a voiced groan as Jake grabbed the lube from his pants and slathered some on the flushed and gorgeous cock before him.

The brunette grabbed Dirk’s hands, placing them on his hips as his own hands gripped the blonde’s shoulder. “Nice and slow now, eh Strider?”

“Yeah, of course.” Dirk braced him and showered him with tender kisses, asking him if he was alright.

“I’m fine, just let me…” Jake rocked his hips, testing. Dirk moaned loudly falling on to his back.

“Fuck, English.” Jake smirked and began soft bounces on Dirk’s hips. “Ah-F-f-f-uuuucccck. Oh god.” Hands were soon on tan hips, trying to help and increase the sensations. Jake raked his fingernails down Dirk’s chest, bright lines of fire dotted with a strangled cry.

“No, no, no, Dirk, I’m the one in control.” The blonde was breathing hard, not even able to protest before Jake was riding him again. Pale hands found their way to bronze thigh, rubbing them for encouragement, soon gripping them harder. “Don’t come.” Jake commanded as he ripped the shades from Dirk’s face. Wide with warm flares encompassing inky irises in a thin line, his own personal solar eclipse.

The command had the near opposite effect on Dirk, sending a bolt of arousal through him that threatened to set him off. Jake soon slowed his pace, “Fuck, c’mon Jake. I wanna. Just-“

His words were cut off with a vicious bite to the juncture of his neck and shoulder, making him jerk against Jake, nearly sending him over the edge. Now, only pleas fell from his lips as Jake sucked the already forming bruise. “Jake please, please let me come. I-I need to come Jake.”

“From now on you do what I say without argument, got it? Dirk?”

The prince sobbed, “Yes, yes-just-please! I’m so close Jake, just let me come. Please!”

“Come Dirk.” Jake came as he felt the hot thick liquid fill him. And the two laid in the patch for a long while, the sun nearly set before they dressed and walked home. Well, Dirk walked, Jake insisted on being carried.


	36. DirkJake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sexcanon 2725:Jake has to bite his pillow every time Dirk nails his ass, otherwise Dirk will notice the fact that Jake's voice cracks all the time.

The two were nothing tangled limbs and writhes pleasure, Jake begging “Please Dirk, just, fuck me!” Dirk was able to extricate himself after a few haphazard attempts, Jake making impatient huffing noises. Dirk nipped his throat making him moan, “Now be good and be patient.” A breathless command.

“Yes sir.”

“Atta boy. And take of your pants.”

Dirk retrieved the lube while Jake disrobed, spreading the substance over his fingers as traced Jake’s opening; making the brunette groaning in frustration. Dirk snickered and inserted a finger, feeling the warmth inside. “Fuck Jake.” He gasped.

“Heh, want my ass don’t you.”

“Damn right.” Dirk pulled his fingers out, coating his member while Jake changed position to his hands and knees. “You sure you wouldn’t prefer missionary?”

“We never do missionary.”

“I know, but-“ Dirk kissed him. “I want to see your face when you come. C’mon Jake.”

“Next time will use a mirror.”

Dirk would argue, that it’s not the same, that it’s not what he wants; but he’s painfully hard and now is not the time. The blonde grabbed Jake’s hips, sliding himself inside. Starting with shallow, gentle thrusts to start a rhythm. Jake was soon whining for more, faster, harder. Dirk was happy to oblige. Pounding him hard into the sheets as Jake buried his face into a pillow.

No, this time, Dirk wanted to hear him. He stopped, making Jake raise his head and ask what was wrong. The prince seized his opportunity to remove the pillow and whisper harshly in his boyfriend’s ear, “I want to hear you.”

Without his go to hiding place Jake was forced to bite back his moans desperately, it was all over for him when Dirk hit his prostate though. He moaned loudly, voice cracking. His boyfriend hit it again making his scream, his voice failing once again halfway through. “Fuck Jake.” Dirk seemed into it, fucking him harder with every failed vocalization.

After that night, Jake was never allowed hide in a pillow again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last one for the week. See you guys on Monday.


	37. JohnDave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> #7692: One time Dave said he and John fucked like rabbits, so John showed up in bed with a pair of fake rabbit ears on and proceeded to fuck the hell out of Dave.

Dave entered the apartment, keys jingling in his hands. “John?” A soft echo through the house, followed by distant rustling. Setting the groceries down, Dave systematically made his way through every darkened room in the apartment, repeatedly calling John’s name. He finally ended with their room, tempted to pretend to give up if John wasn’t going to answer, he knew the boy was here, shoes by the door don’t lie.

A flick of the finger and the room illuminated, showcasing a scantily clad young brunette male splayed across their shared bed. Lace panties strained by a hard cock, a black vest and little bunny ears adorned the slim figure. Dave looked on agape, “John…wha?”

“Don’t you remember Dave, what you said last night?”

“No.”

“You said we fucked like rabbits.”

“So you decided to dress as a rabbit?”

“Yep.” A sly grin.

“How does that even make sense?”

The blonde watched as the heir raised his hand, starting at his forehead and trailing finger tips down until he reached his hard-on, palming himself as he moaned, “You don’t like it?”

Dave was on him in an instant hand cupping John’s while his mouth sucked at John’s neck. Pulling away only to groan, “No, I like it. It’s hot.”

John flipped them over, “Ah-ah, bunny wants a carrot.” Dave was about to complain about the ridiculousness of John’s comment, but the boy already had his mouth around his knight.

“AHHHHHHhhhhhhhh-fuck.” Panting breaths, John was fast, and entirely too good. Where did his pants go? A cool slick finger was at his entrance as John continued to suck him. Trailing kisses down his shaft while a finger worked circles over his sensitive entrance, slowly pushing inside. Fingers pumping every once in a while swiping over that heavenly spot, making him scream, never once letting up on his dick. Dave came into John’s mouth, the brunette swallowing it greedily, wiping mouth and slowly undoing his vest as Dave watched in an orgasmic haze.

Something blunt filling him as a piecing gaze struck through his dreamy state, making him want everything all over again. John moved inside him at a steady pace, every time Dave moaned or whimpered the rhythm would become faster and ever so slightly more erratic.

It wasn’t long before the breath player was fucking Dave so hard that he wondered in a fleeting notion if they would break the bed. The beautiful sight beneath him chasing such cares away, and when Dave screamed, it was all over.

Both came in unison, cum all over Dave inside and out. A lovely darkness pricking at the edges of his vision. Not yet, not yet……………….

John cleaned up his boyfriend and found him already asleep, placing the blankets over them both, he held the slight form of his Texan close and joined him in that beautiful figurative universe of dreams.


	38. DirkJake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> #689: Jake has a vine/tentacle fetish. Dirk found out and put some...special settings in Dirkbot, (his multiple arms weren't just for thumbs down during strifing). Jake found out the fun way and is still debating whether or not he should send the video to Dirk or not.

The dastardly contraption of metal parts was kicking his rump. Even on easy mode, the thing still managed to one up him in a round of fisticuffs. He had it this time though, he was recorded the fight, learning it’s secrets for next time. Next time he would triumph! This time though he just needed to hold his own so he could get enough footage. The robot had him in an arm lock, forcing him to the ground where it….caressed the back of his head. Thick metal fingers trailing down his spine through his clothes, distracting him momentarily from the other hands which were reaching around his front, stroking him through his clothes. He whined, cheeks burning with embarrassment, the blasted contraption shouldn’t get him riled up like this. It was the first time he had been touched this way by hands that weren’t his own.

The mental hands seemed to know everything he liked though. Long rough stroked through his shorts, making them feel smaller than they already are. A soft gyration against his ass making him groan, which started a whole new series of manuvers.

A small grainy voice “Initiating subroutine FJFA-001. Please confirm that you are JAKE ENGLISH.”

“…I am…?” He wanted to look at the infuriating machine, but the arms kept him firmly in place.

“The following procedure is meant to pleasurable for you. If at any time you experience pain, discomfort, or want to stop, please say ‘Red’ to terminate the program, alternatively, if you find it difficult to speak,” The robot removed one of his hands from Jake’s waist, entwining strong chrome fingers with comparatively delicate flesh ones. “Please stretch out your fingers to terminate the program.”

“…okay?”

The many arms turned him around to face Brobot, “This is the tool that will be used in this sequence.” A well lubricated erotic looking tapered appendage fell out of the robot’s pelvis and immediately began wriggling. Jake was nearly drool, that was going to be inside him. “Is the tool satisfactory?”

“Yes, fuck yes.” Jake groaned.

The event happened at lightning speed. Clothes were torn from Jake’s body, the tentacle slowly rotating at his entrance, like it was drilling its way inside. Two hands kept him in place, while the forth held his hand as he gripped it hard and the third was tracing soothing circles in the small of his back. Once the appendage was fully seated inside with began to flail while the tip never left his prostate, applying varying amounts of pressure, always keeping him guessing and excited.  No time to even get used to the feeling as the hand from his back disappeared and reappeared, lubed and pumping his dick. He would have squirmed with overstimulation if the two metal appendages weren’t completely locking him down, increasing his overall excited until his came into the robot’s hand. Attempting to thrash against his bonds.

The robot continued through his orgasm before retracting all hands and the tentacle dick. Carrying him to his room and placing him on the bed, holding him close. The faint heat from Jake’s body moments before could still be felt. Jake remembered the camera that was still on outside. Maybe he should send Dirk a copy.


	39. DirkJakeHal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 4270:Lil Hal records Dirk's point of view whenever he masturbates, and then sends the video to Jake. Dirk Still doesn't know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love this prompt so much. I wish there were more Hal related sexcanons and prompts.

Dirk laid out on his bed, horny, but hesitant, like always. He had just finished talking with Jake, it’s not like anything was particularly arousing in their conversation, the adventurer just had that effect on him.

Hands tweaking his nipples through his shirt, traveling down to massage his inner thighs through his soft pajama pants, cock already erect and strain against the cotton. He shouldn’t do this, he was a creep for doing this.

TT: Want some help?

“No, I don’t need help.” Hands trembling over his desperate dick.

TT: Did you know that Jake’s webcam faces his bed?

“Yes,…?” Where was this going.”

TT: The dork doesn’t have any firewalls either.

A video popped up on the screen, Jake with his fingers up his ass, pumping them in and out, making the best noise imaginable. Dirk was done, shoving his pants down he grasped his aching phallus, massaging the shaft, wiping his thumb across his slit, groaning Jake’s name.

The video continued to play, Jake moved, ass hidden from view, but his dick on full display. The blonde hastily grabbed his lube from beside him, slicking the fingers as he teased his entrance, gasping Jake’s name.

The audio was climbing, Jake’s moans were growing, “AH! YES! YES!” fueling Dirk’s desire and excitement. He was getting close, he didn’t want this to end, he didn’t want to stop watching the object of his obsession.

“Dirk! AH DIRK!”

The blonde climaxed the instant he heard his name. Jake had said his name. Jake had said his name! The knowledge made the afterglow all the sweeter as annoying red text quipped at him.

TT: You’re welcome.

LATER

TT: The video worked, thin you could make some more.

GT: I don’t know, it was quite uncomfortable doing that know someone was recording me.

TT: Well, thanks to your video, I have a hell of a video for you.

GT….

GT: Oh my god.

TT: Like it?

GT: Boy shitting howdy do I!

TT: Good, a few more videos from you and Dirk might actually initiate something during chat. Try to keep the camera in mind though, let Dirk see everything.

GT:Al-alright.


	40. Dirk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> #5644: Heart players get off when they go god tier.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wish I could have made this longer. There just wasn’t enough to go on.

Dirk lay on his quest bed, contemplating what to do. They had gone through so much to get to this point. He could die, he’d done it once, he could do it again, but Roxy…he couldn’t kill Roxy. The blonde girl next him laid curled up on her side, back facing him. She was scared.

It was a decision he didn’t have to make. The planet of Derse shook and groaned, immediately after consumed in a bright light. He was dying. The magic of the bed wrapped itself around him. Filling him with a sweet light. It felt good, really good, exhilarating. Illusions seeped into his visions, the future? His wishes? A wet dream? Who fucking know, best not to question it. The feeling of the situation was more than enough to satisfy. Jake above him, plowing into him, chanting his name. Everything he shamefully wanted and despicably enjoyed. He hated himself for it, but it was just too delectable not to savor. Jake hitting his prostate with every thrust, saying dirty things in his ear, hand wrapped around the blonde’s cock, making him beg. Climax imminent as a blade was placed to his throat, a swift slice was all it took to climax.

The magic forming around him taking form, those awful poofy asshole pants. And a fucking crown too. Roxy was next to him looking surprised, but also relieved, he chose not to mention his experience.

 


	41. Cronkri

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> #2168: When Kankri can't take the build up any longer and breaks his vow, he'll rush to his partner of choice as fast as he can. His clothes will stay on, and his hips will jerk slightly, but the arching and screaming of his partner is a dead giveaway that he's thrashing wildly inside them. He leaves them exhausted, satisfied, and too shaky to stand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It doesn’t follow the prompt exactly, but I think it fits Kankri a bit better. I hope you guys like it!

Kankri’s damned libido had been building for the past several months. Self-denial was a practiced art for him, one he was proud of, his fists shook as he clenched his sheets, he would not give in. He would not succumb to his base desires, refusing to leave the room, lest temptation proved too much.  He just needed to ride…he needed Cronus riding his bu-NO! He needed to ride out the temptation, the sticky syrup of fiery bliss that would make him feel incredible. The warmth that would envelope him and the taste of his matesprit’s lips. Mmmmm, maybe just kissing Cronus would be enough. No, it wouldn’t, a few months ago it was enough, now it would only spur something else, carnal and sinfully decadent.

To get his mind off things he looked for his book on sexuality and the caste system in media, trying to distract himself from the throbbing between his legs, praying that it would pass soon.

Not fifteen minutes later, there was a knock on his door. A foreboding omen he couldn’t help but indulge. “Who is it?”

“It’s me chief.” Heat danced on his skin, robbing the warmth from inside him, begging for touch.

“Come in.” He done. Before the sea dweller could even say two words Kankri was on him, kissing him hard and locking the door. Beckoning the high-blood with his scalding hands on cold skin back with him, onto the bed. Pants ripped open and shoved down, whose were first was impossible to tell, Cronus doing everything he could just to keep up. He rarely got sex from Kankri, he wasn’t about to stop and ask why.

Soon a large, dripping, writhing bulge slithered into slipped into the fin-bearer’s nook, mewling at the intrusion. Kankri remained silent, but afloat in an erotic haze of overactive hormones and firing neurons; dopamine flooding his system. The writhing troll on his lap scream his name as he watched with lidded eyes.

Skin flushed violet as his scrawny chest heaved, head thrown back and his body shook; strong hands of his social warrior kept him from moving away, forced to endure the near over whelming intensity. Kankri was in a particularly giving mood, after all, he hadn’t asked permission. Since Cronus seemed to be enjoying himself, he deserved a little extra for Kankri’s lack of consideration. The red blood, nipped at the violet grubscars on the side of his victim. Earning a mewl and a whiny “Please.” From the one above. He latched one sucking as hard as he could as Cronus let out a scream so loud his voice broke and was left raspy and panting. Kankri bit down, his torso soon covered in violent genetic fluid as he finally allowed himself to come inside Cronus, a small whimper escaped the abused body of his lover.

The two lay panting for some time, covered in the product of their coitus. Cronus would remain in Kankri’s bed until the next morning, unable to move, and served breakfast as a further apology from Kankri for not ascertaining verbal consent before engaging in such activities. Varying levels of apologies continued for the next week, despite how many times Cronus said he was happy it happened and that he wasn’t forced in any way.


	42. DirkJake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> #2767: Jake needs rough sex to feel satisfied. Nothing else will wear him out enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this is considered rough enough for the prompt.

Jake laid idly on the couch, Dirk should be home any minute. Hopefully the blonde got the pictures. Regardless of whether he did or not, this surprise should be fun. Jake was completely naked, light stroking his hard-on, think of what Dirk might do to him. He heard the key in the lock and closed his eyes, pretending he was too caught up to notice his boyfriend’s arrival. “Ah, Dirk…my god.”

A brief pause in after the door opened, he continued, trying not to make himself climax. “Oh! AH!” Dirk was on him, kissing him sweetly, too sweetly. “C’mon treat me like one of your robots, I can take it. I want it.” Dirk threw him off the couch, face down on the ground. A hesitation above as he heard a groan and felt grinding on his ass.

“You tease me all fucking day and then you make demands.” Dirk slapped his ass making him mewl. The page’s head was pulled up by his hair as he gasped, the delicious sting sending shudders down his spine.

“Y-you work too hard, thought you deserved a treat. Thought I deserved a treat as well.” The weight lifted off him before he was yanked off the ground, scrambling limbs as he fought Dirk for domination, the blonde one as usual. Dirk had him pressed against the wall, gyrating, the rough fabric of the pants making him hiss.

Dirk peeled him off the wall, pushing him down the all while he shucked his pants. As soon as the offending clothing was gone he pinned Jake against the nearest wall, grabbed hold of both they’re cocks and began jacking them off. Jake’s volume climbing with every stroke. “How’s this for a treat.” Dirk said between panting breaths.

“I-it’s pretty good.” Licking his soft lips before a dominating mouth suck on his bottom lip, nibbling it softly.

“That’s not good enough Jake.” He turned the brunette around, arm twisted behind his back, keeping him in place, but not hurting him. Letting his dick rub against the seam of Jake’s ass, moaning. “God, that ass is so plush, bet it would fit nicely around my cock.

Jake shivered and groaned. The prince pulled him off the wall, pushing him once again towards the bedroom. The two stumbled in, Dirk quicker to regain his balance. He bent the hope player over the bed, roughly probing him with a finger and moaning when he found Jake had already prepped himself. He quickly shoved himself inside the inviting warmth, fucking Jake so hard he could barely breathe.

Hard and fast he plunged into coffee colored skin, making him writhe and give breathless cries.

When it was over Jake was left passed out on the bed, while Dirk cleaned them both up. Tucking Jake in before leaving to make some dinner.


	43. DirkJake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> #3642: Dirk really loves it when his partner is dressed as a pony during sex.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry guys, I’m so sorry. I’m awful.

Dirk better appreciate this because I feel ridiculous. I’m standing here in front of the bathroom mirror decked out like some trollop pony looking for a stud. The furry boots may be a bit much, but it’s his birthday and I really wanted to go all out. I spent a small fortune on this ridiculous get-up, lace saddle with matching panties, a small hole in the back; the reins-like gag already in place, with the stupid horse ears headband. The only thing needed to complete the outfit was the tail plug. Sighing to myself I start prepping, trying to get lost in my own thoughts and not think of horse related sex puns which would only result in me giggling like a school girl.

I lather my fingers in lube, stretching myself nice and slow. Dirk was a firebomb in bed once he got going, I don’t want him to have to stop. I allow myself the luxury of a groan when I find my prostate, I can’t allow my little rocket to take off and leave me on planet rumpy humpy funland just yet, but lordy-hoo, that feels good. My southern pistol is loaded and ready to fire, straining against the confines of the gossamer fabric of boner magic underwear.

Forcing my fingers to leave the cave of delights I insert the tail plug, letting it settle. Unfortunately for me, it settles in the simultaneous best and worst place. Biting down on my gag as I fight for dominance over my carnal urges. I try to focus on displaying myself enticingly on the bed. Do I show of the saddle? The plug? My adventurous weeping rod in these lascivious undergarments?

After some position and repositioning (and a few close calls, consarn toy of impropriety teasing my switch of orgasmagic) I finally decide to position myself, with my bum toward the door and my back arched. Just in time too, I can hear him entering our dwelling of sinful …er….sexy times. No, our dungeon of …

“Jake?”

Oh dear, he’s here. I moan in response, slightly delayed, but it doesn’t appear to impede him in the least. He flash steps over, grabbing my hips and rocking his raging engorged pleasure rod into my hole of desperation. I groan again into the reins, which he seems to take notice of and pulls my head pulled back as he continues to rut against me.

“Fuck Jake, what’d I do to deserve this?”

He plays with the tail plug still inside me and I scream into my gag when he presses it sharp against my prostate. He moans and I can feel chest swell a little with pride. He slowly takes it out, thrusting it in and out of me a little as he goes, teasing me; the cocky (heh heh, cocky) bastard. His hoisted meat petard is at may entrance of erotic wonders and I brace myself for the fucking of a life time when he pauses and sweetly caresses my hips. “Thanks Jake, I love you.” And he kisses between my shoulder blades, and down my spine, acting as though he’s about to lick my unmentionable area when his thick flagpole plunges into my moist body, claiming me as his own.


	44. DirkJake RoxyHal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> #4751: Roxy has convinced AR to peep while Dirk and Jake are doing naughty stuff. He shares the video with her later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys, what am I doing with my life.

TT: I have to admit, it feels, or at least as much as a soulless automaton like me can feel, weird about spying on my creator’s, and by extension myself getting fucked.

TG: C’mon give me the nasties.

You’re giggling, not drunk, you swear, just a lot of sugar, your new vice.

TT: Fine.

*TT sent video to TG*

You click the play button and HOLY HELL that’s a lot of naked boy bodies. They look good though, you never realized Dirk was so ripped, or a bottom. Jake is mister butterfingers with his dick, which you didn’t even think was possible, even with all the lube it really shouldn’t be that hard to put a dick in a butt. Dirk looks equal parts aroused and perturbed.

When Jake finally starts to sink his battleship (*snort*) into Dirk, the blonde grimaces and grabs hold of Jake’s bicep. “Slowly Jake, remember?”

“Sorry!”

It’s kind of cute more than erotic watching the two, Jake looks terrified and keeps kissing the prince. Dirk is smiling for the first time in, forever. You don’t think you’ve ever seen him smile before. You hear a murmur, but can’t quite make out what’s being said, but Jake’s starts moving his hips again until Dirk seizes up and tells him to stop. You sit there entranced at the sheer love of it all. They’re giggling and smiling and it’s all so intimate. You almost feel bad for sneaking peeks like this.

“I’m going to start, okay?”

“Yeah, go ahead.”

Jake starts thrusting gently in and out, he lets out a few moans, but seems entirely focused on Dirk. The blonde visibly scrunching his face, the most expressive you’ve ever seen him. Jake seems to be trying his best to keep a slow rhythm. After a little bit Dirk relaxes into the bed, giving little whimpers and groans.

“Jake, come on, h-harder.” Jake picks up his pace. It’s really getting good now. Dirk’s moans pick up as well, and he looks so vulnerable.

“Harder! F-faster, faster! Ah! H-hah! YES!” You had not pegged Dirk as a screamer. “YES, JAKE! JAKE! JAKE! Oh god! M-more! MORE!”

The color his creeping over your face and you can feel a tension growing between your own legs. You almost begin touching yourself when it abruptly ends…apparently neither boy has much stamina. Jake came first, but Dirk was with him after only two strokes.

You sit there for a moment giggling a little, but your laughter dies when you see Jake grab a towel and wipe Dirk down. You can hear the blonde audibly hiss when Jake wipes too roughly “Sorry!” He’s kissing the Texan lovingly and soon tosses the towel away and brings him into a cuddle.

Dirk murmurs something about bottoming more often and you can hear Jake chuckle at that. And the bodies still for a few moments before the video ends.

TT: I told you it would be disappointing.

TG: Nah, it was cute!

TT: C’mon you were disappointed with quick draw and the premature adventure.

TG: They were still adorbs.

TT: Whatever. Want help with your lady boner?

TG: …Yes.


	45. DaveJake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> #8699: Dave is a huge teaser. He will make you beg until you're screaming his name.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I learned that daddykink really isn’t my thing. Sorry, this is super short. I won’t say this goes on my “absolutely not” list, but it probably isn’t something I’ll do again unless specifically requested. And probably nothing longer than a drabble.
> 
> This is why I like trying to write new stuff though, I learned about a kink, I learned what it entailed, and I learned how I feel about it. Overall, a positive experience.

Jake was bent over the desk, Dave playing with his entrance and pinning his hands over his head. The poor page teased mercilessly for the past twenty minutes. 

“Nnngh.”

“Now Jake, remember our talk. You have to use your words.”

“Please daddy.” He whined, gripping the edge of the desk tightly.

“Good boy, now keep those hands over your head, no touching.”

“Yes, daddy.”

Dave lowered himself and began lapping and Jake’s hole, leaving the brunette squirming. Dave let his tongue wander to the adventurer’s taint before coming up and nipping at the firm skin of Jake’s ass. “Roll over and spread ‘em.”

Jake did as he was told, bare and exposed to Dave’s wishes. The blonde began at his knee, trailing kisses down his thigh and began sucking on the skin just before Jake’s cock. The page was panting and begging for contact. Dave blew hot breath on Jake’s weeping cock, looking up and meeting green eyes as he made a painfully slow decent, tongue outstretched toward the erect phallus; only to swerve off course at the last moment and make a matching hickey on the other side of Jake’s pelvis.

The brunette screamed in frustration. “C’mon Dave, jiminy fucking chirstmas!”

Dave immediately drew to his full height, glowered at Jake with his piercing red eyes, spanking Jake hard making his sub cry out. “I’m sorry, what did you say?” His voice dulcet and dark.

Jake sobbed, “Please daddy. I just, fuck I-I need.”

Dave cut him off with a kiss, “Good, Jake.” His hand wandered down as he began stroking his lover, a strangled, emotional moan, his reward.

“How do you want it?”


	46. DirkJake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> #5343: Dirk has a giant foot fetish. Whenever he sees Jake's black socks, he can't help, but get an instant boner. Same goes with him barefoot. Jake often uses it in bed, never taking socks off before sex.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve met a couple of people that know about foot fetishes and are completely grossed out by them. I don’t really get why. As long as the feet are clean, it’s just skin. I personally don’t get the arousal factor, but I’m not grossed out by them. This was actually fun to write, but I feel mean because I laughed while I wrote it.
> 
> Can anyone with a foot fetish give me feedback? I’m curious if I did an okay job for my first time writing this kink.

Dirk, clad in nothing but boxer shorts to combat the insane heat of the day, was reading a robotics manual in bed. The lazy Sunday morning, while hot, had a nice serenity of domestic bliss to it. Jake was likely cleaning his guns, as he did every Sunday.

The blonde was engrossed in specs of a newly designed processer when he felt a tickle on his calf, looking down he say Jake’s bare foot, slowly marking a trail from his ankle to his hip. He penis already standing at attention, he looked over and was met with Jake’s devious smile and completely naked form. “Wanna have some fun?”

Dirk cupped Jake’s foot, bringing it to his mouth, sucking on his toes, one at a time. Jake giggled and used his other foot to gently rub Dirk’s harder, earning a very loud groan from his paramour. The blonde ran his tongue alone the light callus on the ball of Jake’s foot, the taste of soap and the smell of cranberries filled his nose. Jake laughed a little louder, as the prince moved to suck on the arch of his foot. “Stop Dirk, you know I’m really ticklish there.”

His protests were ignored as Dirk gripped the foot with both hands, rubbing his face against flesh. The page lifted his other foot, to Dirk’s face. Earning a groan from his victim as Dirk pressed both feet to his face, soon taking the one he had been lavishing with attention and placing it against his crotch, rutting against it as he began sucking on the toes of the new foot.

Every time his tongue ran along the glorious ridges of Jake’s now pointed foot he lost a little more of his breath and grinded a bit harder against the glorious appendage on his dick. He wanted to fuck Jake’s feet so bad. “Mmm…please Jake.” Desperate licking “Can we…?”

“Hmmm…”

“Please, fuck, please.” Involuntary buck of his hips, he needed it.

“Will you blow me after?”

“Yes, best fucking blow job of your life.”

“Alright.” Jake reclined back, pressing his feet flat against each other. He had ridiculously high arches (one of Dirk’s favorite things about his feet). Dirk licked the gap between his feet before coating the edges of the space with a light layer of lube. Grasping Jake’s ankles and rising to his knees, Jake’s back on the bed with his feet in the air. Dirk slowly pushed his dick through the gap, groaning as he watched his own actions, soon thrusting fast and erratically.

Jake watched in amusement, mostly; it was hard not to get off a little on Dirk’s grunts and moans. He always found it weird watch Dirk fuck his feet, with precum dribbling from the blonde’s tip.

It wasn’t long before Dirk climaxed, his cum spurting across Jake’s body, making the brunette moan and stroke himself a little to relieve the building pressure.

“Fuck, that was awesome.”

“Well, I jolly over the butter biscuit moon, love, really. But I bloody need you on my adventure pistol.” The page whined.

Dirk was still too hazy in his afterglow to do more than follow order, swallowing Jake down immediately and bestowed well deserved attention to Jake’s cock.


	47. DirkJake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt:Jake calling Dirk at work to try and fluster him by saying how much he wishes Dirk was there and telling him he’s so ready for his cock and he wants Dirk to fuck him over his work desk but what he doesn’t know is that Dirk is on speaker and Roxy Jane Rose and Dave all have varying degrees of horror and amusement on their faces. That day when they all meet up for drinks Jake is the recipient of quite a few odd looks.Dirk keeps telling Jake to stop because’s he’s at work and he sounds all tense and Jake takes it as a victory and gets more brazen, moaning and maybe even saying something embarrassing like calling Dirk master and everyone’s heads IMMEDIATELY spin to Dirk. He wants to scream.Jake whimpering about how he’s such a fricking trollop and he wants Dirk to lay one on his caboose so terribly and yet Dirk’s boner is still threatening to cut through his slacks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, this was getting too long for a drabble so it’s only half. I’m actually going to post a sequel using request prompt 293 (I was surprised something would actually work with the idea I had). In the sequel we’ll see Dirk return home, angry and aroused B) Because I just have to.

Dirk was sitting in one of the conference rooms with Roxy, Rose, and Dave. A meeting for the family business that could easily been done at home, but they preferred to keep their jobs as separate from their home lives as possible. They were going over the budget for Dave’s next movie when the phone rang, Jake’s number flashed across the ID. He rarely called, and the others said they didn’t mind, mild concern on their faces, which promptly melted away as soon as Jake spoke.

Jake was feeling a bit devious today, his fantasies roaming to the rougher side of amorous activities. Dirk had been too gentle, especially recently. Even when he tried to be rough he would become sentimental half-way through and sex would melt into tender caresses and sweet sex. Not that that wasn’t nice, but it wasn’t what Jake wanted. Maybe he could have some fun today and piss Dirk off enough to come home and fuck him hard. Picking up his phone he dialed Dirk’s work number.

“Jake?”

“Howdy Dirk. I’m not interrupting anything, am I?”

“Well-“

“Marvelous, do you know what I’m think of right now? …I’ll give you a hint, I stark naked in our bed.”

The heat rose to Dirk’s face as he reached to turn off the phone, when Roxy, who’s spent entirely too much time with Jane, pulled the phone to her side of the table. Earning a thumbs up from Rose and a mixture of amusement and horror from Dave.

“Jake-“

“I wish you were here. All I can think of is your big thick tallywhacker up my rump.” Jake moaned “Wouldn’t you like that Dirk, your great _giant_ sword tearing up my ass. Mmmm, especially over that desk of yours. Wouldn’t you love to slam onto you work space and spread me over the spread sheets?”

At the last sentence Rose was smirking and Roxy was giving him a thumbs up, while Dave took that moment to scrawl in big letters on his notebook “Don’t you dare! I have to touch that shit.”

“Jake, you need to stop.” Dirk’s voiced strained with embarrassment and more arousal than he’d like to admit.

Jake could hear it and moaned loudly. “Wouldn’t you like your little harlot tied up and begging for your cock? You know how much of a rocket trollop I am, especially for your huge rod of adventure. You could penetrate my throat while, calling me all those filthy things. C’mon Dirk, say them, you know the ones.”

Roxy and Rose looked at him mostly entertained, partly confused; Dave chose to cover his ears, a new sign made from his notebook resting against his head, down on the desk. “Make it Stop.”

“Jake, you can’t call my work like this, I have stuff to do.”

“But I want to ride your disco stick.”

“Stop using Lady Gaga references.”

“You liked it last week.”

“Jake I’m serious. I’ll get home when I get home. You are keeping me from getting stuff done so I can actually get home.”

“You never take a day off, please master, I need you.”

The three snapped their focus from the phone to Dirk. Rose’s smirk was bordering on a smug smile, Roxy was shaking from trying to keep her laughter in, and Dave’s mouth was hanging open, apparently his hands weren’t very affective blocking the sound out.

“Oops, I’m sorry, I should say **senpai**. Oh please, senpai, come here and help me with my homework~”

Roxy ended the call just before falling into the loudest fit of giggles anyone had ever heard from her.

Rose looked at him, with a deadpan expression and a twinkle in her eye. “Dirk, I think it’s best that you take the rest of the week off and sort stuff out at home, we are trying to run a business here. You’ll still get paid, and I think you should give these people a visit. Rose slid a business card across the table, a sex toy shop, very amusing. She seemed to think herself clever, as she sashayed out of the conference room. Roxy was sputtering in her hysterical giggles. Dirk couldn’t understand anything, but gleaned something about his sex practices, but every time she got to the word “senpai,” she became incomprehensible. She fell twice on her way out the door from the sheer force of her laughter, while Dave refused to look at him. The knight helped Roxy out the room before closing the door behind them. Leaving Dirk with a very painful boner and stewing in complete humiliation.


	48. DirkJake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> #6816: Sight of come on his partner's face makes Dirk feel dominant. It really does.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sequel to the last chapter.
> 
> *cough* I um…had a lot of fun writing this. *Blushes*

Jake waited for the door to open, he was reading, clad in nothing but those tiny hunter green short-shorts with the removable lace rear flap, that Dirk loved. He was a few steps away from the door, posed seductively against the wall.

He jumped when the door slammed open and almost immediately slammed shut. Dirk was on him in moments, hot mouth against his, rutting against him. “You dirty little fucker. Never call me at work again.” Jake could feel his shoulders being pushed down, he complied as Dirk’s dick was almost immediately pressed to his mouth. He accepted it with enthusiasm, Dirk being rougher than ever before, shoving it into his mouth, taking only moment before yanking Jake’s hair, guiding his head back and forth. “You like my cock, don’t you slut? Take it all in, that’s right. Fuck, that’s right. Little whore.” Jake moaned and pressed his thighs together, desperate for some relief, his own boner pushing against the unforgiving fabric of his shorts. “That’s right, moan slut.” Dirk withdrew his dick, slapped Jake across the face and forced the page’s mouth back open, shoving his penis as far in as it would go, making Jake gag, but not letting up. “Fuck. You’ve been a bad boy Jake, very bad. And..” Dirk took hold of Jake’s head, fucking his throat, completely degrading the smaller male and punctuating each thrust with a word. “You. Must. Be. Punished. Slut. Fucking. Ngh.” He pushed Jake off him just in time for cum to coat Jake’s face.

The adventurer sat there, looking up dazedly and completely turned on. His vision half blocked by his boyfriend’s fluid. He looked up at with the one eye that wasn’t covered and felt his dick twitch. The blonde looking at him, panting and red, pupils blown wide and something insanely dominating, piercing, and primal shown in his expression. Jake was completely transfixed until Dirk kneeled down, wiped his fingers across Jake’s face and shoves the translucent coated appendages into Jake’s mouth. The taste of Dirk’s bitter semen lights up his already taxed senses, groaning against them and allows Dirk to finger fuck his mouth. Removing them only to reapply the fingers with semen from his face. Dirk looked savage and Jake was shaking, trembling from overstimulation.

The look of his quaking boyfriend, specks of cum still on his face compounds the sense of power Dirk felt when he came on Jake’s face. He wanted to own Jake, completely. He leaned in and kissed his paramour roughly, forcing him completely on the floor, spread out and whimpering as Dirk palmed his tent. He could take Jake here, make him beg for it and tease him until he’s sobbing…while that’s appealing, there’s an even better plan, and with Jake this pliable, he’ll go along with it.

“Remember that project I told you about?” Jake gives him a confused look and nods, clearly no idea what Dirk is saying, but fuck it. “I’m going to go grab the stuff, I want you naked, bent over the bed and spread wide for me by the time I get there.” That gets the brunette’s attention, and he’s up and fighting with those beautiful shorts, stumbling down the hallway.

Dirk takes the opportunity to take a breath, good to make Jake wait anyway. He needs a clear head for this. Let’s see condoms, towels, and emergency enema kit, and his special lube. He leisurely went about collection his items, taking them one at a time to their room. After placing the towels on the bed he made a point to slap each of Jake’s cheeks and whisper in his ear “Don’t you dare touch,” before leaving once more to find the other items.

After dropping off the enema kit he noticed Jake was tense, like he had had enough time to realize what would happen. Dirk took a few moments to kiss down his spine and reassure him “Don’t worry, I won’t let anything bad happen. I’ll take care of you.

Depositing the condoms on the bed he made a point to caress Jake’s ass before gripping them, making him shiver. Kneeling down to his knees, Dirk lapped at Jake’s entrance making the male squirm and let out a handful of breathy moans. Just as he seemed to develop a rhythm to his gyrations, Dirk pulled away, returning with his special lube.

The lube was designed to tingle and stimulate Jake’s prostate, and when any movement, such as Dirk thrusting, it would heat up and increase the sensation. It was also designed to last an insane amount of time.

Dirk coated Jake’s inner walls, polishing the prostate with the substance, and when he removed his fingers Jake was still gripping the sheets and jerking as though he were being fucked. Dirk, hard again from the sight, put on a condom, lest the substance get on his dick, and entered Jake.

He plunged mercilessly into Jake, fucking him hard into the bed, Jake was screaming his name. Dirk felt the page flutter around him before orgasm hit. Dirk fucked him through three consecutive orgasms before Jake was nothing more than a limb body. A few quakes and trembles denoted more orgasms, but Jake was too out of it to do anything other than whine and drool onto the bed.

And still, Dirk continued to fuck him. Again and again he forced himself deeper. “Yeah, look at you. Fucking exhausted from my dick.” Jake climaxed again. Dirk pulled out and rolled him over, semen covered his stomach and his eyes were unfocused. Dirk was in him again, watching as his eyes rolled back into his head every so often. Soon making the page climax a final time before coming himself.

A few days later was the family Fourth of July party, Jake’s voice was still raspy. Rose gave a knowing smug look. Roxy couldn’t look at Jake without giggling, Dave couldn’t look at Jake at all.

“What’s with your family?”

“What do you mean?”

“They’re acting weird.”

“….Never call me work again Jake.” Dirk whispered

Jake didn’t get the hint. “Sorry, no can do. It worked out too well for me.” Jake gave a finger pistol and a wink at his boyfriend before making his way over to the food table for some chips.


	49. DirkJake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on this art:http://smutandgore.tumblr.com/post/147195605584/all-the-homestuck-shit-hehehehe-wink

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this when I was tired and I’m not entirely sure why it turned out the way it did, but here it is.

Jake gripped Dirk’s hips, leaving tiny bruises, as he fucked Dirk into the mattress. Over and over he plunged, unwilling to allow Dirk even a moments breath before he slammed into the plush ass once more.

The blonde could do nothing but writhe under the brunette. Whimpers and moans escaping from already breathless lungs. Sharp stings on his ass has Jake’s rough palm met smooth vulnerable flesh. “Ahh! Mmmf! AH-AH-AH!”

“Who’s the manwhore now.”

This hadn’t been the plan, Roxy wasn’t supposed to see it or open her mouth. It was supposed to be something for Jake to figure out over the holidays. Then, he would try to call Dirk, and Dirk would tell him to be on Skype in twenty minutes. Dirk would surprise him with an image of himself being fucked by the machine he made. And he would watch as Jake gets caught between annoyance and arousal and he would moan Jake’s name and watch the brunette wrap his beautiful hand around that enormous cock. And when he was flustered and hot, Dirk would whine how it wasn’t enough, how it wasn’t _huge_ like Jake and not satisfying enough for him.

The prince wasn’t sure which scenario he preferred.  Jake pulled at his hair, making his back arch as Jake forced himself deeper. Might as fulfill play it up. “I’m the manwhore, I’m YOUR manwhore. Fuck me harder. Oh god, Jake, you’re so big!”

It clearly caught he page off guard, he wasn’t used to coherent sentences. “You love my dick, slut?” Jake spanked him again, gripping the reddening cheek with his free hand, the other still tangled in soft hair.

Dirk hissed, “Yes, fuck yes! Please, deeper!”

Jake’s speed picked up, slamming into Dirk so hard he almost worried he would his lover. When the sounds of wanton cries reached his ears, all sense of reason was abandoned. Jake plunged a few times into Dirk’s warmth before coming inside him, the sensation causing Dirk to join him in sensational bliss.

The two lay in bed after some minor clean up, Dirk wincing, pain already setting in. Jake looked on concerned. “Was I too rough?”

“No, I’m just sore.”

Jake went underneath the blanket, intruding fingers touching sensitive skin. Dirk whimpered in discomfort. Jake reemerged with determination and slight panic on his features. “I think you’re bleeding. Dirk, I-I’m so sorry.” Jake moved to get out of bed and Dirk grabbed his wrist.

“Where are you going?”

“Getting clothes, you’re going to the hospital.”

“Jake it’s 2am and I’m fine.”

“You’re bleeding!”

“It happens with rough sex.”

“You’re also in a lot of pain.”

“I’m just sore, you fucked me hard.”

Jake took Dirk’s face in his hands, “You’re not dying because of me.”

An exasperated sigh, “Over dramatic much? If it doesn’t get better, we’ll go in the morning.”

“But-“

“Please, Jake. Trust me when I say, I’m not in any excruciating pain, I’m just sore.”

Jake looked uneasy, but climbed back into bed, holding Dirk with possessive concern. Jake drifted in and out of consciousness that night, and pampered Dirk the next day. Dirk finally agreed to a doctor’s visit the following week, nothing was wrong, and Dirk made a point to writing manwhore on his ass when Jake was back from his time in Australia.


	50. DirkJake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dirk’s celebrity BF Jake picking him up from school in a Ferrari when he SPECIFICALLY told him not to do anything that would draw attention and now everyone knows he’s dating THE Jake English

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys don’t mind, I was really feeling jealous/possessive Jake with this.

“I thought we agreed to be inconspicuous about our relationship.”

“Oh come on! It wasn’t THAT obvious!”

The two boys were driving down the road, Jake at the wheel, an arrogant smirk playing across his face.

“You showed in a fucking Ferrari! This is a poor town Jake, this car is like a giant fucking billboard with flashing neon lights that says ‘LOOK AT ME’!”

Dirk glared at his boyfriend, the celebrity, he played the young Indiana Jones in a major box office film. Dirk was lucky enough to meet him through some fluke event at a convention. He was so personable, like a regular guy. However, he was CERTAINLY flamboyant with his wealth and status.

“Well, what can I say…I’m possessive.”

“…What?”

“I saw that guy you were talking to.”

“What guy? John?”

“The one who resembles me, he’s with you every time I drop in for a surprise visit.”

“We’re friends.”

“…”

“Seriously, Jake, we’re friends, that’s it. He’s dating my sister and sometimes we watch shitty movies together.”

Jake seemed to relax a little at the statement.

“So all of this was to compete with John?”

The brunette colored a little and pulled off to the side of the road, Dirk realized at that moment that they were pretty far from home, in a wooded area that had yet to be torn down for housing development. Jake put the car in park and placed the keys in the glove compartment before climbing into Dirk’s lap.

“Jake, what’re you-“ Lips smashed together in a heated desperate kiss. Jake forced his tongue into Dirk mouth, rewarded with a needy whine. He pulled back, already breathless and aroused.

“I did it to show I’m better. I can give you more than he can.” The celebrity latched on to his boyfriend’s neck sucking hard before biting softly. Dirk jerked against him and he bit harder.

“Fuck Jake.” A long loud moan.

“I can make you feel so much better than he ever could.” A low growl against the bruising skin and slight grinding of the hips.

Dirk’s trembling hands explored a sculpted back and tangled into soft, perfect hair. The blonde dipped his head, eager to return the affection, latching onto his paramour’s neck. Jake leaned his head to the side, exposing himself even more. The eighteen-year-old lavished his movie star with attention before Jake reached and reclined the seat all the way back.

Dirk gave him a dazed, questioning look. Jake moved back to the driver’s seat, fishing down the side before producing blueberry flavored condoms. He jumped back to Dirk’s straining cock, freeing it from its confines. He  away his boyfriend’s trademark shades away and stares into orange irises as he pops the condom into his mouth and slowly lowers himself towards the erect phallus.

Dirk watches, hypnotized as Jake takes all his cock into that warm mouth. Immediately pulling all the way off him to reveal the blue wrapping on his phallus. The two lock gazes once more, Jake winks and licks his lips before kissing him and sucking on the hollow behind his ear, whispering “I’ve been fantasizing about this for past few months. You’re bigger than I thought. I want to suck on your big, thick, gorgeous cock, Dirk. Please, let me.” Each word grew in volume and by the last sentence Jake’s voice was nothing but a breathy wanton moan.

Dirk keened “Fuck, yes. Please.” He felt Jake smile against his skin before moving lower and enveloping his member in that perfect mouth.

Jake was better than Dirk thought he would be, he wondered as a pang of jealousy hit him, how many times Jake had done this before to get so good. The thought dissolved as he felt a hand cradle his balls and a tongue swirl around his tip.

“Nnnngh.”

Jake popped off him, much to Dirk’s dismay. “Hey, no keeping in your noises, I drove us out here for a reason. I want to hear your lewd noises while I suck on your tallywhacker.”

“Must you call it that?”

“I’ll stop when you stop keeping what I want from me.”

Before Dirk could retort Jake was back on him, sucking harder than before, mouth and hands on his junk and massaging his thighs. It was an intense experience, Dirk couldn't hold back.

“Fuck! Like that-oh god! Jake! JAKE!” He heart was beating out of his chest the pressure built and broke free, releasing into the contraceptive.

Jake watched him as he basked in the afterglow. Kissing his face and neck and chest, whispering every once in a while “You’re mine. All mine.”


	51. DirkJake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> #3045: Dirk's/Bro's hands almost never leave their partner's ass during sex.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There’s very little of this prompt in the actual fic. Sorry. It started out way raunchier, then at some point during the last 24 hours, it turned into fluffy gay dating dads without their kids for the evening, getting a chance to bang.

The two of them fell into Dirk’s apartment, gasping hot mouths and lewd grabbing. Someone slams the door shut as the taller male tries to direct them to the couch, when his phone alarm goes off, reminding him of his responsibilities. Forced to pull away from his paramour’s embrace, he groans and shakes his phone, “Gotta check on Dave.”

The expression of lust on the other’s face is replaced by a realization. “Righto, thanks for reminding me.” Jake pulled out his own phone, texting to his daughter, reminding her not to pet stray dogs.

Dirk was on the phone, “Hey, Dave? You get there all right? You remember everything? Toothbrush, sleeping bag? What about your epipen?” Dirk looked over at Jake, “Is Jade there? She have everything? Alright, Oh- The fireworks, _do not_ try to light those yourself, alright. Have Mr. Egbert do that. I mean it Dave, I don’t want to get a phone call that you’re in the emergency room missing three fingers, alright. You like your fingers Dave? Don’t fucking light those fireworks. Okay. Alright, alright, I let you go. Bye, love ya little man. Ha ha. You’re still little to me. Beat me in a strife and I’ll stop.”

Dirk ended the call and turned to seem Jake watching him with a dreamy expression, he moved fluidly over to the blonde, remove his shades and laced his dark arms around the pale neck, lips almost touching. “You’re really cute when you’re being parental. Jade’s there, right?”

“Yep, everything set, the night is ours.”

“It’s been too long.”

“Way too long.” They kissed once more, first in sweet loving adoration, melting into an inferno of repressed desire. Dirk pulled away breathless, “How do you want to..?”

“I want to ride you.” Jake was back on him, forcing him onto the sofa, lavishing his neck with attention. The buff male, exposed his neck further, pulling at Jake’s shirt.

Clothes were shed, lube was retrieved and the two held each other close as Jake kissed every place he could reach and Dirk had his fingers knuckle deep in his boyfriend. The warmth of the adventurer’s body and wetness of lube, coupled with a few delectable needy whines from the man in his lap made Dirk moan, “Fuck you’re tight. Mmm, Jake. I want in you. Want you spread around my cock, fuck you till you scream.” His voice nothing but a growl.

“Yeah, fuck, fuck me.”

The blonde slid inside and Jake started to bounce, pale hands grabbed tan hips, “Wait, let me just…fuck I want to look at you.” , his hands moving to cup that perfect ass.

The darker male leaned back, a red flush visible and his dick pressed against his stomach, his eyes are lidded and a light sheen of sweat graced over his form. “How long are you going to stare at me?” The blush darkened and his cock twitched at Dirk’s grin.

“It’s been over a month since we last did this, my spank bank needs a deposit.”

“You are bloody well about to kill the mood. How about you get AH-“

Dirk did his best to grind into Jake, hitting something in the process. Words no longer seemed important as Jake was bouncing once again and faster than before, his head thrown back and the angle perfect to hit his prostate again and again. Dirk continued to grip the adventurer’s plush rump, spreading the cheeks each time their hips met.

Neither lasted long. As they bathed in the afterglow of mutual orgasm, Jake draped over Dirk, both kissing and caressing, hazy glazed eyes meeting in mutual bliss. “We really need to do this more often.” Said the blonde as he kissed his boyfriend tenderly.

“Yeah. We should.” Smiles and light laughter followed by clean up and cuddles, laying together wrapped in each other, when a high pitched ring pierced their moment.

Dirk pawed for his phone. “Yeah,…..sleeping, what- I was TIRED, not very often I can get a good nap in. What do you want?” And exasperated sigh, “I asked you if you had it an hour ago. So you lied. Alright I’ll be over in a bi- what? ….Yes, alright, I’ll tell him.”

“What was that about.”

“Dave forgot his toothbrush and apparently Jade has been trying to get ahold of you.”

“Is she alright?!”

“Yeah, she’s fine, she forgot her pajamas in the car this morning.”

Jake let out a half relieved, half annoyed breath. “I told her over and over to put them in her bag.”

“Kids.”

“No kidding. So, time to be responsible fathers?”

“It’s only eight, it’s too light to even start the fireworks, they can wait an hour.” Dirk pulled his darling into hug, kissing him softly. The two smiled and allowed their limbs to tangle once more, whispering sweet nothings to each other for as long as time would allow.


	52. DirkJake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 1143: If you take Dave's or Bro's shades, they orgasm on the spot.

“C’mon, let me just.”

“No.” Dirk’s lips sealed around Jake’s once more, pulling the brunette into his lap, grinding against the page’s skin tight shorts.

“But..” A breathy protest laced in lust, only a half lucid thought of his to connect his words.

“No.”

“I want.”

“Mmmnnn”

“Oh, that’s!” Dirk fingers deftly undid the button on the shorts, dipping his hand beneath the waistband into the back, tracing Jake’s hole through his underwear.

“You like that?”

“Yeah, oh-oh GOD, yes.”

“Good.” Dirk kissed his neck, the pointy shades digging into dark skin.

“Dirk, I’m serious, those shades need to come off.”

“No can do adventure boy.” Dirk sucked harder in his neck, Jake moaned and squirmed in Dirk’s grip.

“I want to see all of you.”

“You will.”

“Now.” A small whine. Jake finally let his inner aggression take hold, pushing Dirk away and whipping the eye wear from his face.

Orange irises barely visible, pupils blown wide enough to devour Jake hole. The blonde’s mouth hung open as he twitched slightly, his face coloring a deep red over pale skin. His whole body was ridged for moments before collapsing into his boyfriend.

“That was…unexpected.”

“I told you not to take off my shades.”

“I didn’t think you’d cum!”

Dirk shoved Jake onto his back, ripping the shirt from his torso, and tugging the shorts past his hips. “Just shut up and forget about it, alright.” Red now from humiliation, Dirk took all of Jake into his mouth, licking the underside and cradling the testicles with his hands.

“S-sure. Just-fuck- keep doing that.”


	53. Rosemary

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This was part of an ask meme on Tumblr. It's Rosemary collarbone kiss. It's super short because I had been expecting more of them and had only planned for super short drabbles.

Kanaya walked into the low lit room, the soft glow of the fire gracing her form in the newly sewn deep v dress. The side of her breasts showing, her hair styled perfectly to frame her face, eyes focused on the figure by the fireplace. Blonde hair blocking her view. She glided up to the half slumped body, only to see her girlfriend asleep over a book. Peeking at its contents to find information of troll dating etiquette, a soft toothy smile floating across her countenance.

She placed a slender hand on her human’s shoulder, “Rose, you will hurt yourself sleeping like this.”

A soft noise and gentle stirring of the girl, sleepy eyes wandering over her form. “Did I forget date night?”

“No, I just wanted your opinion on my new dress.”

“It’s very nice.” The blonde lifted up, coming to full height and placed a chaste kiss on her lover’s collar bone. “It goes with the dream I was having.” Fully awake eyes met slightly startled ones, both sets melting into gazes of seduction and flirting.

“Could you help me out of this? It’s become quite uncomfortable.”

Rose placed another kiss on Kanaya’s clavicle, followed by a series of kisses traveling through her cleavage. “How about we go to the bedroom?”

A breathless replay, “Ye- AH!” A wandering hand playing with her bulge through the dress. “Yes, I think that would be best.”


	54. DirkJohn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> #6651: When Dirk subs, he's calls his partner "senpai."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some shitty DirkJohn smut.

Dirk was in John’s lap, naked and split wide open on his dick. They were sitting in from of the piano, the brunette playing a sweet simple melody, despite not being able to see the keys. Kisses on his spine made the blonde shutter. “You ready to try?”

“Yes, Senpai.”

John traced the muscles down Dirk’s back before rubbing his way back up, taking pale long fingers and placing them correctly on the piano. “Play well, and I’ll fuck you just like you like.”

“Yes, Senpai.”

“Press your middle finger down.” Dirk did as he was told and gasped as he felt a hand close around his dick. “That’s D. Now your thumb.” Again, Dirk did as he was told and groaned, nearly melting into John was he felt a hand massage his balls.

“Fuck, senpai.”

“That’s a B. Now your pinky.” Dirk was the perfect student and was rewarded with an awkward thrust into his hips. “That’s an F.”

“What’s this one.” Dirk used his ring finger and felt John take hold of his hips and gyrated as best he could with their positioning. “G”

Dirk’s eyes lidded, “And this one?” A sharp slap to his ass making him whimper.  
“An A, only two left Dirk.”

“This one?”

John straightened his back, nibbling on Dirk’s ear before a husky whisper. “An E.”

“This one then is the last one, right sen-AH” John had brought his hand to Dirk’s tip, wiping his thumb across the blonde’s slit.

“That’s a C, Now, I’m going to teach you Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. If you get it right, you get a reward.”

John gave instructions of which letter to push, matching each note with an erotic touch, making Dirk shiver and shake as he played. He never missed a note though, and finished the song without errors.

“Good boy.”

“My reward senpai.”

John responded by shoving Dirk against the piano, discordant noise mixed with the prince’s moans as John unrelentingly forced himself deeper and deeper into his boyfriend.

Dirk came onto the keys. John grabbed a fistful of soft hair, forcing his face onto the keys, more discordant sounds. “Clean it up.” Dirk licked his fluid off the keys as John pumped himself beside the debased male. “Hurry up.”

Dirk moved faster and when the fluid was gone and down his throat, John forced him to sit down on the bench, bent him forward and came onto his face.

He pulled the blonde back up, fist still clenched in formerly perfect hair, and watched the translucent liquid drip down his paramour’s face. Heavy breath between them while John slowly released his grip. “I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

Dirk wiped his face, collecting John’s seed onto his hand and made show of licking it off his hand. “No, not at all.”


	55. Erisol

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> #6888: All prince players liked to be reassured that their partners find them attractive and wants to be with them, because princes have a habit of destroying their own relationships. Their partner can express this by begging for them, body worship, claiming them during petplay, etc.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first time writing erisol and my first time writing Eridan ever. I’m sorry if it completely sucks. I struggled with it a hell of a lot more than I thought I would. Also, it came out kind of blackrom (maybe, someone on tumblr said it didn't so maybe not).

“Oh for fuckth thakes, again?”

“What?”

Sollux responded by pulling Eridan’s shirt over his head, kissing his grub scars as he palmed the prince’s writhing bulge. A hiss being his only reward. “I want you dumbath.” Sollux climbed back into the hope player’s lap, grinding against him and sucking on his neck, while Eridan remained passive. “C’mon fuck me, please.”

Eridan began kissing back, hesitant and nervous. Kissing Sollux’s throat, he let his hands wander, down his back, cupping his ass before grinding their hips together.

“Yeah, god damn, like that, please, more. No more of this insecurity bullshit. Just fuck me.” Sollux reached down, undoing the prince’s pants and allowing their bulges to entwine, resulting in a needy groan from both of them and an impatient plea from the mage. “Please.”

Eridan, grabbed the yellow blood’s hips, changing their position so he was hovering on top. “Are you sure?”

“Of course I’m sure athhole.” An angry snap fading into a another whine, “I need it.” With the dripping yellow bulge prodding his nook, Eridan finally let go.

“Fuck, your tight.”

“Yeah, well, it’s been what, two monthth. Plus, you have a whale bulge. It’s freakish, really.”

Eridan began thrusting hard into Sollux, the smaller male moaning out right. “Fuck, I love your freakish dick.” The sea dweller colored and his confidence grew. Sollux writhed underneath him, thrashing and cursing, spitting compliments disguised as insults. “I’m going to come too soon if you keep this up dumbath.”

“Come then,” Eridan never ceased getting off on Sollux obeying his commands during sex.


	56. JakeDirk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> #7156: Dirk, being alone for such a long time, masturbated quite frequently. He's even crafted a few toys to aid him. His favorite one to use is his cock ring.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Possibly one of the least nsfw, nsfw stories I’ve written here.

Jake was rooting around Dirk’s room, the blonde to be back any moment with the promised refreshments. Normally, Jake wasn’t the type to snoop. What self-respecting gentleman would ever lower himself to such nefarious activities? It was his first time here though, and he wanted to find out as much as he could. Conversation wasn’t going as he had planned, neither himself or Dirk were very practiced in the art of conversation.

The brunette was not expecting a closet full of sex toys. Dirk had a variety of erotic looking contraptions, many with condoms on them (which Jake had to admit was a little gross, clean up your stuff). The most notable one was tentacle machination that writhed when you pressed the button on the bottom. The adventurer colored as he thought about Dirk using it, and as he thought about the blonde using it on him and as he thought about using it on the boy who was not yet his boyfriend, and wow, he needs to stop thi-

“Jake.” A deadpan tone could not hide the tomato red face that greeted Jake when he turned around.

“Hello Dirk, I was just noticing your, um, collection.”

Dirk marched up, closing his closet door, only to turn around and realize Jake was holding the vibrating tentacle he had used this morning, to…get out some frustration before their date, er, hanging out.

“How many of these did you make?”

“Not all of them work,” muttered the blonde, “A lot were failed attempts.”

“Which one do you like most?” Jake’s voice was soft with an underpinning of arousal, deep below the façade of rectitude dwelled the suppression of sexual expression toward his object of desire.

Dirk’s blush trailed down his neck, he couldn’t tell Jake that his favorite toy was the one he was wearing right now, a convertible cock ring/chastity belt meant to suit his exhibitionist streak.

The deep coloring making Jake oogle and blush himself he set it down and the two sat in silence, pointedly ignoring the tent in Jake’s pants and a soft click heard from Dirk’s.


	57. DirkJohn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> #3825: When John and Bro have sex, Bro makes John dress up and act like a little school girl. The cross-dressing turns the both of them on.

Dirk sits in front of you on the bed, relaxed and gesturing towards his lap. You're standing in the middle of the bedroom, clad in a stereotypical anime school girl outfit, a little ashamed of how sexy you feel. The skirt barely covers you and the thigh-high stockings leave just a little bit of skin showing between where they end and the skirt begins. You know it drives Dirk wild.

“C’mere John.”

You do your best to walk over to him in a suggestive manner, but the constant worry of exposing yourself (not that it should matter), leaves you tugging at your skirt and stumbling towards him, until you’re sitting on his knee. He seems to enjoy it and grins, fingers wandering under the garment and stroking your bare thigh.

“How do you feel?”

Your face is bright red, which only makes him smile wider, might as well play it up. You bring your hand up to mouth, saying in a higher pitch than was normal, “I feel good.”

“Yeah? How?” Dirk’s voice a little rougher. His hand now on your bare ass (commando, as instructed), squeezing as he started sucking on your neck.

Your voice is breathy as you elaborate, “I feel….sexy….and…I don’t know….”

Dirk kisses you as his pale hands trace the top of the stockings. “You look amazing, sexy, perfect.”

You look at his face, marred by the obtrusive obsidian shades, well, you’re dressed for it. You take the shades and look into his eyes as you drop them off the side of the bed. “Oops, let me get than…senpai.” The look he gives you is filled with predation and makes a shiver run down your spine. You don’t look away, getting up, you turn your back to him and make an exaggerated bow to retrieve the eyewear, your ass and dick completely exposed.

You catch him leaning over, trying to get a better look as you return to full height. He’s undone his pants, a tent threatening to break free from his boxers.

Straddling his lap, you present the wear to him, demure and submissive, but grinding against him.

“Oh, John.”

He kisses you, hard, and his hands are on your hips, creating more friction. You moan into his mouth and he pulls away, dangling his shades in front of you before tossing them to the other end of the room.

“Be a dear and get those for me.”

You want to roll your eyes, but instead look down and bow your head. “Yes, senpai.”

As you bend over for the second time, you decide to tease him. Spreading your legs wide, you let him see you stroke yourself. A growl emanates behind you, a devious little smirk crosses your lips. You let your hand drift to your ass, playing with your hole and moaning his name. …That’s when things get rough.


	58. DirkJake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt:Jake wants dirk to do something for him that dirk doesn’t wanna do (maybe just laundry duty or something) so he gets himself dolled up in something frilly that he knows dirk will ike and sits on his lap and moans and talks dirty and dirk ends up fucking him and Jake uses that as a clever excuse to get out of chores because he’s “soooo sore dirk you bastard” and dirk is kind of mad but also wow he’s dating such a dork who does that

Jake thought of the impending summer season, beach parties, barbeques, fresh fruit, and tons of sun light. And lawn mowing. Ugh. Dirk had been on his rump for the past week about giving the lawn its first trim of the season, he, of course, had been avoiding it. The great outdoors are meant to be explored and investigated, not tamed into a poor excuse for “nature.” Dirk seemed to disagree, insisting that everything needed order. Jake suspected that Dirk had spent too much time in a confined space, and expected the world to conform to his expectations of “proper,” which apparently included swords in their refrigerator. Many an argument was started over that logic.

Jake didn’t want to participate in the systematic destruction of mother nature,…okay he just didn’t want to mow the law, it’s hot and exhausting and ends up being the type of job that never feels fully done. Thankfully, Dirk was an easy fella to manipulate. An orange maid outfit adorns Jake’s form, coming down to about mid-thigh, with a matching garter belt peeking through, it’s too hot to deal with actual stockings. His hair is curled loosely, framing his face in a way that accents his strong jawline. A little makeup to make his eyes stand out. And a pair of lace panties with a hole in the rear to tie everything together.

Jake tiptoed into the living room, noting Dirk’s hunched back and fingers gripping his hair, he must be having trouble with one of his projects, excellent. Jake draped himself over Dirk’s lap, not giving the blonde a single moment to talk before bring him into a kiss. Pale arms wrapped around him as large hands caressed his back. When Jake pulled away Dirk looked him up and down. “What do I owe this to?”

“Horniness, it’s been at least a week since your tallywhacker pillaged my caboose. I think it’s time that Dirk Jr had some fun with my rump, don’t you?” Without giving Dirk an opportunity to respond, Jake began grinding against his boyfriend. “I even wore something that should suit your amorous inclinations.

Taking the blonde’s hand, he guided fingertips over the lace before resting them on his distinctly bare ass, before moaning in Dirk’s ear, “I want your sword to plunder my backside.”

Dirk would laugh at Jake’s attempt at dirty talk if it wasn’t for his fingers already tracing the brunettes hole and the page himself making a show to writhe in Dirk’s lap.

“Yes, come on. You want me, right? You're hard, I can feel it. Come on, ravage me Dirk.”

The prince scrambled for his pockets, lube, lube, where’s the fucking lube. Jake glided from his lap, twirling into an undulating dance, taking the container of lube from his apron pocket and bending all the way down, allowing Dirk to watch as he worked himself open, moaning and panting as he teased himself.

It didn’t take long for Dirk to become impatient, smacking Jake’s hand away to rut against his ass. “Give me the lube,” his voice low and strained. Jake felt Dirk finger him quickly, brushing against his prostate to help him. When he was deemed stretched enough, Jake was thrown against the wall, barely able to breath as Dirk’s hands groped him and a deliciously wet mouth sucked at his throat.

“G-golly, Dirk.”

“ _Oh, Jake.”_

The adventurer’s surprise was short lived as he was dragged to the bedroom, forced face down on the bed as Dirk entered him. Pinned to the bed, with only his mouth free.

“You like that?”

“Yes, OH YES! I’m your harlot Dirk, harder!”

“Fuck, Jake.”

It didn’t take long for them both to come, laying exhausted next to each other. The prince basked for a few minutes in the afterglow before finding a washcloth and gently cleaning them both. He helped Jake out of the maid costume, tossing it aside and kissing his lover, cuddling until sleep overtook them both.

As they woke, Dirk gave a light smile. “That was nice last night.”

“Yeah, it was, but gee whiz, I’m sore, I don’t think I can mow the lawn. You’ll have to do it.”

Dirk frowned “…Why do I get the feeling this was all a ploy?”

“How was I supposed to know you would fuck me so hard, feisty bastard.”

“…Fine.” Dirk eyed Jake suspiciously, certain that he had just been played, but unsure whether it ultimately worked out in his favor or not. Maybe he should insist Jake do the chores he hates, if last night is the result, maybe it’s worth it.


	59. BDGJake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This was the alt self fic for Dirk week

Your fingers are lubed and up his ass while he writhes in your lap. “Yeah, yeah like that. Oh god, faster, faster, harder.” Breathless pleas.

“Technically you are in complete control dude. I’m all in your head.”

“D-don’t remind me. Just a-ah! Fuck, golly, wow. Just b-be Dirk.”

You bring your mouth to the crook of his neck, sucking hard before whispering in his ear. “Well, I am a part of Dirk, some part of the prince of heart power, or some shit. I-He would love this, you all naked and at his mercy. He’s a control freak you know, and a bit of an asshole, like me.” As Jake tenses, nearing his brink you take your finger off his prostate, tracing circles around it. Jake whines and squirms, trying to get the friction back. You caress inside of his thighs, “…Why did you allow me to feel excitement from this?”

“Wah-?”

“I’m just a figment of your imagination, but I have a raging boner and am getting off on you struggling in my arms, just like the real Dirk. Why? Wouldn’t it have been easier for me to be your puppet?”

“I-I don’t have as much control of it as you seem to think.” His voice is starting to even out, you start stroking him lightly. “OH, bu-hah, but even if I did, it would be the same.” You stop again and hear his huff of frustration.

“Why?”

“I like Dirk, I want Dirk, I want you. It’s better if the person playing with me actually gets some enjoyment out of it.”

“You sound like you want to be a toy.” His flush from the sex deepens as he moves, uncomfortable, in your lap.

“Well, I do, kind of, want to be his toy. I mean, I like the feeling of being played with, like you’re doing. I want Dirk to use me over and over…”

“Why?”

“Because he would get more inventive with time, it certainly wouldn’t be boring. And I think I love him, love you.”

You start stroking him and pressing on his prostate once more. His words making you feel powerful and almost real. Like you are the real Dirk, and your heart is elated by his words and your dick is standing at attention. You watch him through his orgasm, getting off from the mere sight of his body wracking with pleasure and the strangled sounds of your name coming out of his mouth.

As you fade from existence for the night, you feel the real Dirk’s consciousness link with yours, it saddens you, you might not return, not if the real Dirk actually makes a move.


	60. DirkJake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> #8512: Though Dave and Dirk are quiet and stoic, they're hot messes during sexual activities. Especially when they're being submissive. 
> 
> Also, the trickster prompt for DirkJake Week

The green-haired boy floated in from of him, giggling and waggling his eye brows. “So Dirk, how do you feel?”

“About the same.” Stoic faced as ever, an impenetrable defense.

“Really? My, this form has created all sorts of feelings for me~” Jake began a dancing, quickly devolving into gyrations and groping at his own skin. “I feel as though I’m on fire, Dirky. The idea of you hugging my fat cock as I fuck you open, fill my mind.” Maniacal giggles. “I thought for sure you’d feel the same way, desperate for me to touch you.”

“Well, if that’s what you think, than why haven’t you made a move.”

At this Jake stops his dancing, standing stock still with an over-dramatic expression of surprise. “Now Dirk, you really think me some nefarious cur?! I would never force a gent into bed.” The tone melting into one of sensuous ribbon that caressed Dirk’s ears. “No matter how much I want to tie you up and bend you over the table, gag you and finger you until you are just about to come. And then watch you squirm as you try to get the sensation back. I want to do that to you again and again until you sob, aching for release.”

The tent in Dirk’s pants was well formed by now, his own body getting hot and a thread pulled taut in his lower abdomen. “Well, I suppose, we could do that.”

Jake swirled in the air, hovering behind him, a giggle of patronization as Jake ran his finger from Dirk’s chin to his clavicle. “I’m afraid that’s not good enough, lad. Do you want my cock? Yes or no?” His voice buttery and dangerous, making Dirk shiver.

“Yes.”

“Yes, what?”

“Yes, I want your cock.”

“Wonderful! The safe word is ‘pumpkin’. You got that darling?”

“Yes.” Red faced and shifting in his place.

“Spectacular!” Jake hit Dirk hard, sending him sprawled out on the floor, pinning him to the ground and grinding against his ass. “Oooo, the Strider rump is quite plush! I need a taste!” Yanking Dirk’s pants off, Jake buried his face in the red-head’s ass, lapping at the hole as he gripped the cheeks. Dirk writhed and moaned, the pain from the punch mixing with the pleasure of Jake’s tongue. And when he felt the pressure of teeth he yelped and felt the arousal in him spike, coming instantly.

A sharp pain was felt on his ass, as the sensation of his burning cheeks appeared and the flood of his orgasm ebbed away. “Bad boy, naughty little boy. I didn’t say you could come, did I?”

“No.” Another smack.

“What did you say?”

“No…sir?”

“Better, now, since you’ve been such a naughty boy, you must be punished.” Oversized cuffs appeared on Dirk’s wrist and a gag was placed in his mouth, tasting of orange sherbet. Jake waved a candy cane in his face before pulling out a rainbow condom, placing it in his mouth and fellating the candy, now covered in a rainbow print. “How do you feel about this up your bum?” Dirk moaned. “I’m sorry chap, but that isn’t an answer.” Dirk tried to glare at him through the shades, he has a fucking ball gag in his mouth, how is he supposed to fucking answer?

The issue seemed to dawn on Jake, “Ah, yes, how about this?” Jake pulled out his dick and ripped the gag out of the prince’s mouth. “If you’d like the candy cane up your caboose, suck my tallywhacker.” Dirk didn’t even question the logic, he immediately wrapped his lips around Jake’s cock, licking and sucking, moaning around him. “Ah! Good boy, Dirk. Take it all in.”

A firm hand was in Dirk’s hair, forcing him to take all of Jake, until his nose was pressed into the page’s pelvis. “Ah, good boy.” Jake slowly thrust in and out of Dirk’s mouth, giving the crimson-haired boy enough time to breathe before forcing all the way back down his throat. The adventurer was soon panting as his thrusts became more erratic, soon pulling out completely and coming all over Dirk’s face. “You look good like this.”

“Please, give me the candy cane.”

“Oh, very well. But only until I get Mr. Jones back up. If your ass is anything like your mouth, we’ll both have a lot of fun. “

The gag was shoved back into the prince’s mouth. He soon felt the candy cane breach his entrance, and… vibrate? Oh GOD. A scream was emitted through the gag as Jake grinned deviously behind him. “You’re a screamer?” And a dark chuckle as the thrusts of the candy cane became faster and Dirk was left completely at the mercy of the page.

Soon the candy cane was out, and Jake was grinding against him again. “I’ve saved my best condom for you Dirk,” he said as he bent over and licked the now exhausted boy’s ear.

Dirk felt himself being penetrated once more, moaning with every thrust, too exhausted to move as Jake pounded into him. Orgasms crashed over him leaving him screaming until his voice was gone and Jake finally came inside him.


	61. DirkJake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Imagine your OTP committing a murder-suicide.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first time actually writing murder, so please let me know how I did!

You two are sitting at the dining room table, a tentative lingering awkwardness, it’s the fourth time you’ve tried this whole making up thing. First the awkward dinner, then you two will watch a movie, slowly working your way into each other’s arms. Everything will melt into a practiced easiness as you thread your fingers through his hair and kiss his temple. He’ll sigh, become boneless in your lap and your body will react whether you want it to or not. The appendage will poke him and he’ll turn around and smirk at you. “Golly Dirk, is that a sword in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?” Or some other nonsense.

You hate it, but you’ll laugh at his antics and language as he tries to dirty talk you. That look of disappointment will cross his face, he really does try. And you’ll kiss him, slowly and earnestly; the kiss will flow like a river, ever onward and with purpose. Rapids will appear as you two start to grind against each other moaning into each other’s mouths. The waterfall will appear and you take his hand as you plunge into the bedroom, fucking him senseless, watching as he lays blissed out before you, happy and sated.

Normally, this would lead into a cuddle session, holding each other close until everything fades away. Tomorrow you would wake up and the fight suddenly never happened.

That’s not what tonight will bring though, not after what he did. As he eats the roasted chicken on his plate, all you can see is him fucking your brother. Jake getting some sexual frustration out during your “broken up” times is nothing new; you two have even set rules to it. No guys, if he really needs to do that, fuck a girl, not another guy; not until everything was truly settled. Poor Jane was the typical casualty. Guess she couldn’t do it anymore, that’s understandable. Instead of going to a whore, he went to a guy, not just any guy, Dave. He ruined everything and going through this is absolute torture. You really should break-up for good, but you love him so much.

No, the thing with Dave opened your eyes. This cycle you guys are in, is toxic, you have to end it. So, you go through the motions, the movie, the cuddling, the sex; and as he lays there your vanity gets the better of you. “Am I better than Dave?”

Confusion crosses his face first, then agitation as he pushes you off, saying he doesn’t want to do that. Which means, no, you aren’t better than Dave. He looks as if he might leave, the pane of glass within you threatens to crack and shatter. You apologize and desperately coax him back to bed. It doesn’t take much, he still loves you, he’s yours. You offer him a night-cap, that pumpkin liqueur he likes so much. The smile on his face is precious. Your lips meet, unsure if you kissed him or he kissed you, but it doesn’t matter, it’s your anchor right now.

In the kitchen, you mix the cyanide in with his drink and yours. You grasp the glasses, suppressing you the small shaking of your hand, your heart beats in your head as you remember to smile. Jake is waiting and you hand him his drink, but before you allow him to take a sip you ask, “Jake, I need to know if we’re going to move on. Why Dave?”

You know the hurt shows in your eyes, part of you hoping it convinces him to talk. He does, “Jesus Christ, Dirk. It just sort of happened.”

“How Jake? How do you just sort of bang my brother?” your voice not nearly as commanding as you’d wish, it seems to soften him though.

He shifts uncomfortably in his seat. “I wanted to know what it’d be like with another guy. You’re the only guy I’ve been with before Dave. And I really only had sex with Dave out of convenience. He was there, I was drunk.”

“Was he?”

“I don’t remember.” No eye contact.

“Did he flirt with you?” Jake scoots away from you and that’s all the confirmation you need. “Never mind,” You raise your glass, “To new beginnings.” He smiles and clinks his glass with yours. You watch as he downs the liqueur in one large gulp. He rests as you nurse your drink, soon he’s out and you know his death is imminent. You finish your glass and lay next to him, holding him in your arms, one last “I love you,” leaves your lips as your mind is pulled away and you embrace the underworld.


	62. DirkJake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So imagine Dirk masturbating and Jake catching him mid-act. Jake has a little bit of a voyeur streak and just watches Dirk for a little bit, but he’s right out in the open. It doesn’t take long for Dirk to notice and he’s embarrassed. Jake blindfolds him and tells him to continue. Dirk makes a point to put on a small show for Jake’s benefit. Jake really likes it and will every so often touch Dirk’s skin or suck on his neck, etc. Never a lot, but it always catches Dirk off guard. After Dirk climaxes Jake straddles him on the bed, jerking himself off until he comes on Dirk’s chest or face.

Dirk massaged his thighs and let his fingers trail down his stomach, playing with the hair of his happy trail, just like Jake likes to do. Jake had gone away on some adventure in Egypt, wasn’t due back of another week, total of six. For the past week, Dirk had been insatiably horny, no amount of self-service was satisfactory, it was all he had right now though. He really should invest in some masturbatory toys for times like this. Jake had taken their only vibrator with him, all that was left was a selection of ropes and some costumes…. actually, their whole repertoire of toys could use some upgrading. The thought help Dirk fall into the mood.

Yeah, like a vibrating cock ring, buzzing against his skin while he was tied up, and a spreader, so he couldn’t close his legs. Maybe some extra-large dildos, so Jake could really split him open and work him over. The blonde started panting, this was turning into his best session yet. Oh god, yeah, and a circle gag, to keep his mouth open while Jake used him for his own pleasure. His body thrummed at the thought, two of his fingers found their way into his mouth. Yeah, Jake was fucking him good, he moaned around the fingers in his mouth, there’s a pressing on his mind though, this odd feeling.

He opened his eyes to see Jake in front of him, watching him, tent apparent in shorts. Red-faced from embarrassment and arousal, Dirk smiled, “You’re home!”

“I thought I’d surprise you, glad I did, keep going.”

Dirk squirmed, he’d actually preferred it if Jake just fucked him, the brunette, watching him, leaned in and gave him a sweet kiss. “Just a little welcome home present for me, tonight I promise to return the favor,” leaning right next to his ear and added in a husky voice “your favorite.”

Dirk’s face beamed a bright crimson and he began stroking himself once more, writhing at his own touch. He moaned and teased himself, hoping Jake enjoyed the sight; the steady lidded gaze fanned his ego. He was nearing his peak when Jake smacked his hand away, pinning it to the side of his body. His cock ached and he begged, “Please, let me come, I gotta come. Fuck, come on!” He felt the excitement recede and he whined.

I thought of something that would make this much better. Jake placed a silky fabric over his eyes, blinding him. “Start again.”  His hand was instantly on his cock, pumping fast, desperate to achieve orgasm. He could hear a moan as he tried harder. Climax was soon imminent and he pumped harder and faster, he felt a wet mouth on his neck, fingers brushing his arm, and a soft “Come Dirk.” The warmth spread through his veins soaking him in a pleasant hum, his mind blank.

He noted Jake climbing on top of him, it wasn’t until he was bathing in the afterglow that he realized Jake was jerking off, smirking down at him. A soft grunt left him before his seed covered Dirk’s face, making the blonde groan, a little over stimulated, but too tired to move.

Gentle hands cleansed his face before kisses peppered his jaw and throat. “What a nice welcome home gift.”

“I missed you.”

“I missed you too.


	63. BroJake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone had requested that DirkJohn prompt with the school girl cosplay, but as BroJake, so here it is. Both are of age though.

I walk out in the school girl outfit, feeling a little ridiculous. Dirk is sitting in his favorite chair, he had arranged for Dave to spend the night at a friend’s house, so the night is ours. He wanted to try a little costume play, I didn’t think this was what he meant. He’s taken off his shades and baseball cap, a compromise in exchange for me dressing like this.

“Don’t you look like a treat.”

I don’t really know how to respond, my face feels bright red. He’s motioning me to come towards him, but my legs won’t work. I can see him rolling his eyes as he stands up and walks towards me.

“When did you get so shy?”

His fingers trail on my clavicle and across my shoulders as I fail to suppress a shudder. Some weird part of me is turned on by this and I’m not sure how I feel about that. My voice still won’t work as he continues to whisper in my ear.  
  


“I can see that semi you’re sporting. You like this don’t you.” I look him in the eye and he falters. “Jake, are you okay with this?” I quickly nod, but he isn’t satisfied, he cups my face and his gaze softens as he asks me in that special tone that reminds me how much he cares. “I’m serious, if you’re not okay with this, we can stop. Forget about the deal, if you don’t want this, just say so.”

My voice is smaller than I’d like it to be, “No, I-I like it, just….unfamilar.” My face feels hot again and he smirks.

“So, you like it? Just unsure why? Maybe a little nervous or scared?” I nod and he hugs me. “That we can work with together. If it gets to be too much, just say so, okay?” I nod again and he kisses me, hard. His massive form backs me into the wall and I feel pleasantly smothered. His hands grace my form as naughty fingers climb up my skirt, tracing the matching panties before palming me outright. I gasp at his touch and he pulls his body off me, for what I can only assume is a better angle. I miss the weight of him.

His heated stare watches me as he continues to make me squirm, he seems to like it. He’s groaning. “You’re so hot when you’re riled up.”

He’s dipping his hand into the panties, jacking me off and I can’t control the involuntary arching and fidgeting as he teases me slowly. Little whines escape when he stops, a plea nearly falling from my lips. He’s latched onto my neck, his body on me, the weight making everything spin.

My legs tremble as he continues to play, I notice his gigantic erection threatening to break through his trousers. I reach out to give him some help, make him feel good the way he has done to me. Instead he grabs my wrist and throws me on the bed, soon looming over me. My skirt is up over my hips, the panties gone, completely exposed, and it’s exhilarating. I can hear him lament about condoms as he starts stroking me again. Since I can’t touch him, I scream for him, praise him, say his name like it’s the only thing I know. And when we’re finished and he helps me out of the costume before holding me close on the bed. I tell him I love him, the first time I’d ever said it. He looks shocked and a little hurt.

“Don’t say what you don’t mean. We have fun, but this is the dopamine and oxytocin in your brain talking, not really what you want.” He seems decided, and I’ve decided to prove him wrong. I tell him I love him when we wake up, and rush to make breakfast before he can respond. I tell him I love him while he’s drinking coffee and eating the omelet I made. I tell him I love him before I leave, and text it to him later. Each time he seems to tense and can’t look at me. I want to prove it, I have to prove it. I make him a key to my apartment, leaving it with Dave, as well as an apple fritter as a bribe not to read the letter contents.

Later, a simple text appears on my phone, “I love you too.” Along with a lengthy phone message, an email, and two video attachments. One of him sitting on his bed, pouring his heart out and leaves me in the happiest tears possible. The other leaves me… flustered.


	64. DirkJake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For the anon prompt:Dirk likes to cum in Jake. Jake likes to be cum in. Dirk likes to take pictures of his cum dripping out of Jake’s hole and stage an impromptu photo shoot with his well-fucked boyfriend. Jake likes this also. It works out pretty well.

Dirk could feel his orgasm crash over him as he came inside Jake, the brunette whimpering under him, erection hard and leaking, begging to be touched. Dirk pulled out, grabbing the camera as he petted Jake’s stomach. “Relax for me.” A soft floating caress as Jake lay there, spread open and horny. “Think about me sucking that nice cock of yours."

Jake moaned, overstimulated and desperate, as Dirk took the pictures. He snapped countless shots before he made Jake get on his hands and knees, another perfect shot of his hole; cum leaking out of it and down his thighs. A beautiful red coated Jake’s entire form. Dirk smirked, knowing how riled up it made Jake when he had his picture taken like this.

“Push your ass out a little more, yeah like that.”

Jake buried his face in the pillow, shaking with arousal, trying to maintain the pose. An involuntary sound of need escaped him as Dirk rubbed his lower back, attempting to soothe him. “Just a little more, and then I’ll make you come however you want. Suck you, fuck you, touch you, whatever you want babe.”

The touches and words only made it more difficult to remain still. He wanted Dirk in him, fuck him senseless and cum inside him again. Dirk was finished the pictures with merciful speed and as soon nipping at the skin where Jake’s ass met his thigh, making the brunette jerk, desperate and needy.

“How do you want it, babe?”

“I want you to cum inside me again.” Jake groaned, panting. He sobbed as Dirk entered him once more, slowly, and wrapped a hand around Jake’s cock. The pace was painfully slow, making Jake beg. “Please, god Dirk, I need it. Please.”

“What do you need, Jake?” A teasing squeeze to his dick.

“Come on, faster, fuck me hard, please.”

“As you wish.” Dirk began plunging hard into Jake, making him scream.

“Y-yes, like that, harder. Yes, ah! AH! DIRK!”

Both were spent, sprawled out on the sheets, fresh cum coating Jake’s thighs once more. Dirk reached for a towel, cleaning them both up. He brought Jake into a hug, praising him for a job well done; feeling Jake’s tears on his chest. “Was it too much?”

“No, just….intense.”

“Good intense?”

“Yeah, yeah really good.”


	65. DirkJane

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> #9428: Dirk loves it when Jane rides his face hard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, this made me realize how little smut I’ve written involving vaginas.  
> Hmmm….I might look through the requests list for some Rosemary over the weekend.

Dirk’s head was under Jane’s shirt, the result of much negotiation regarding her disrobing. Two damp circles resided over her nipples, his side of the argument…it was convincing. He was pressed against her breasts, sucking at the bare skin and could hear her moaning above him. Thoughts of eating her out flitting through his mind, sitting on his face and smothering him. The taste of skin and arousal with the weight of her body in his face and her moaning in his ears. …Yeah, he wanted her to ride his face.

He withdrew himself from the inviting warmth and softness of her chest and returned to kissing her. He had to play this right, she was always so self-conscious. He cupped her face, kissing her roughly, guiding her to lay on her back, his hands massaging her boobs, flicking his thumb across the nipples, making her arch into him. “Oh, Jane.” He moaned, grinding into her as she matched his gyrations.

“Ah, Dirk.”

She’s becoming vocal, that’s good. He kiss his way down to her neck, sucking earnestly as one of his hands dipped lower, gliding across her belly and below her waistband, playing with the pubic hair, making her squirm.

“I-I haven’t shaved.” Her face red and an expression caught between shame and arousal.

“You never shave, I’ve told you it’s not an issue.”

“Don’t you think it’s gross?”

“Just hair.” Truth was, Dirk preferred the hair. She tried to shave once, for him, poor think was covered in ingrown hairs and razor burn. She said something about waxing next time, but he wouldn’t hear of it. It’s not like he shaves either. They can both either get used to it or find other stuff to do. He really found he didn’t mind though, he actually liked playing with the hair, seemed to make her more sensitive to his touch. His finger found her clit, tracing around it before caressing her labia, making her writhe. He returned to her clit, rubbing and tapping it gently as she twitched and moaned. He smirked and whispered in her ear, “I want you to ride my face.”

She was gripping his shoulder, biting her lower lip, a little squeak at his ministrations before he finally stopped and she could catch her breath. “Wha-“

“I want you to ride my face, I want you to smother me and make me suck on your clit.” She buried her face in his shoulder, hesitant and quiet. “You don’t have to.”

“I….” Dirk noted that she pulled at her clothes, a tick, when she was nervous and insecure.

“Hey,” He kissed her sweetly, “hey, it’s alright. You don’t have to, it’s okay.”

“…You swear you won’t be grossed out?” Dirk felt his dick twitch, was this happening? Was this actually happening.

“Fuck no.” He moaned, hand playing with her labia, making her shift and roses rise fresh to her cheeks.

“Okay.” He laid back on the bed, beckoning her closer, she hesitated a little, but soon was straddling his face, hovering too far above him.

“You have to lower yourself a little more, babe.” She braced herself against the headboard, lowering herself closer to his face. He licked her, making the brunette tremble. The blonde smirked to himself, brushing his lips near her clit and sucking, he could hear a sound of need from above.

Dirk spent a good while teasing Jane and relaxing her until she lost enough control and needed to grind against his mouth. The weight and smell of her filled him, his dick desperate for attention. He tried to remember to change motions every so often, Jane lost her balance when his tongue flicked against her just right, smothering him for five seconds. He got off from it, coming into his pants without even being touched. Jane was off him almost immediately, apologizing left and right. He pushed her back onto to her back, eating her out until she came.


	66. JohnDave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> #9057: John has a pretty round butt, especially for a teenage boy. Dave looks at it pretty much whenever he can. Only ironically though, of course.

You make a point to walk behind John as you walk home from school. His round plump ass jiggles a little as he walks. Perfect hypnotic bounces, as if keeping a beat to a song. “Dave, you okay? Need me to slow down?”

“No, I’m good.” You speed up a little, showing him that you're fine. Some part of you is disappointed that you can’t look at that ass anymore. John’s yammering on about the new Ghostbusters movie. He talks about Patty Tolan as though she were a goddess. You remind him that Leslie Jones is almost 50. He punches your arm and walks ahead. The bouncing of his ass is a little faster than before, you try to think of a rap to go along with the beat, your own arousal distracting you. You wonder if you might be gay. 

* * *

You two are in your house alone, Bro is off with his boyfriend. You thank the gods that you won’t have to hear Jake scream tonight. John’s with you, spending the night so you won’t be lonely. You ask him to get the plates for the pizza that should arrive any minute. He searches the upper cupboards, you moved the plates to the lower cupboards, watching as he bends down; instantly regretting that decision. How will you explain your boner? You need to calm the fuck down.

It’s over in seconds and you’re disappointed.

* * *

You’ve eaten the pizza and both of you are in pajamas. Why did John have to wear shorts to bed. The fabric is different from his cargo shorts. It clings to his shape more. He says it’s hot and wants to take off his shirt, you can’t think of a good reason to say no. He takes your silence as permission and your eyes wander over his scrawny form. It appears every ounce of fat he has resides in his ass. 

* * *

That night you dream about John twerking at you, his cheeks bounces, begging to be slapped. One of your hands meets one of his cheeks and the scene changes, you now balls deep in him. He’s soft and moaning your name.

You awake with a start, John snoring next to you. You should never have shared a bed, what were you thinking. His back is turned to you and he’s rutting against a pillow, an erotic dream of his own, eh? He mumbles in his sleep, the same syllable over and over. Listening closely, you realize it’s your name. You rush to the bathroom to take care of yourself, trying to figure out how to handle this knowledge for tomorrow morning.


	67. JohnDave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> #9254 Dave is actually pretty fluent in French. When he whispered French in John's ear, John immediately rode him like a wild horse.

You two are sitting down to eat, burger and fries, good old American classic… except for the part where John’s is a veggie burger. Hippy. You love him all the same though, you love the way he becomes irate and manically sorts through your trash when he discovers that carefully placed banana peel on the top, next to an empty plastic water bottle (his sworn enemy after Betty Crocker). You love the way he stops the water mid-way through his shower while he soaps up, shivering his ass off in the winter, all to save a little water. You love teasing him about his affinity for slutty brownies, despite the fact that he tries so hard to be vegan. Most of all though, you love his little kinks. He’s always embarrassed about them, he spent months hiding them, ashamed. He’s still not 100% upfront about them, but you know a few to get his motor running.

As you watch him wipe the ketchup off his face, hair falling forward, you find yourself unable to control your movements as you brush the hair from his eyes. The piercing cerulean gaze meets yours, a smile appears on his face and you can’t help, but smile back. His smile grows as you notice him take a fist full of your fries, you smack his hand while he laughs. Fucking asshole.

“You’re the only one that’s affected by my looks, got to exploit that for all it’s worth.”

“If you wanted fries that bad, why didn’t you order some yourself.”

A look of realization crosses his face as he drops most of fries back onto your plate. He takes three, puts them on his plate and resumes his cheerful demeanor, hoping you won’t notice. You place a few more on his plate and he shakes his head, trying to put them back, not again. “Another diet?”

“Just want to lose a little weight.”

“Why?”

His head bows a little, not making eye contact. “It’s not for me…is it? Because, I think you look great John, you don’t have to do it for me.”

“Maybe a little, I mean,” a blush crosses his cheeks as he looks away from you, and you grow worried, he mutters something.

“John, come on, talk to me.”

He’s covering his face, neck completely flushed, it would be cute if you weren’t so concerned. More muffled murmurings.

You pull his hand away and look him in the eye, “Tell me, why you are trying to losing weight.” His history of yo-yo dieting isn’t what worries you, it’s the how obsessed he gets with it. You know he suffered from bulimia as a teenager and part of you still frets that he could go back there. He still won’t look at you, twisting his shirt in his hands. “….I want to ….”

“What?”  
“I want to dress as….”

“John, you need to speak up.”

“I want to go to comic-con as Deadpool next year and I want to look the part!” He practically shouts it, words strung together so quickly you almost couldn’t make out what he said.

Every muscle in your body relaxes and you laugh, the dork. He looks offended and you wave your hands, brushing it aside, and you kiss him. He still looks a little upset, and suddenly you just want to make him feel good. You want to thank him for being a dork, for being your dork.

You take his wrist, sliding two fingers into your mouth, sucking the salt from them, lavishing them with your tongue. He’s turning pink again, this time you can really enjoy it. You take off your shades, and resume eating, like nothing happened. He’s thrown off kilter, clearly aroused, time for his favorite little fetish. “Passe le sel.”

He sits there, stock still, he asks, licking his lips, “What?”

“Passe le sel. It means ‘pass the salt’, John.” A playful smirk adorns your lips as you watch him, trembling, do as asked. You lean over, taking the shaker from him, kissing him. He returns the affection ardently, but you pull away and watch him try to settle himself, while you eat your food. When you finish, he’s finally managed to eat his food, watching you the entire time. You straddle his lap, taking his hand again, and sucking the any stray condiments left on the digits. He’s already half hard. You pull his fingers out, moving to his neck, working your way up to the shell of his ear. You nibble at it and feel him clutch you closer. You whisper, “Monte ma bite.”

You hear him groan, stuttering out “What does that mean?”

You muster up your best seduction voice. “It means, ‘ride my dick.’”

Next thing you know, you’re on the ground, pants off, you don’t know where John got the lube from, but he’s putting on quite the show, working himself open. He’s chanting your name. It takes everything you have not to jack yourself off right then. “Say it again.” He demands, and you smirk.

“Monte ma bite.” He impales himself on you as soon as the words leave your mouth. He’s riding you as hard as he can and your too overcome with pleasure to help him or return the affection. It’s taking everything you have not to come so soon. He’s jacking himself off, and moaning your name.

A sharp ringing in your ears accompanies orgasm, all you do is stare, unfocused, at the ceiling. John’s next to you, saying something, you can feel the drool going down the side of your mouth. The ringing is subsiding and you can hear him chuckling. “Fuck.” You slur out, and he’s on you with kisses as your drunken limbs attempt to hold him close.

At some point you think you fell asleep. Waking up some time later in your bedroom, all tucked in and every muscle in your body feeling like jelly. John wasn’t in bed though, nope, he was doing sit-ups on the floor, Deadpool cosplay hanging prominently as motivation. This boy will be the death of you, but it’s a great way to die. 

“Don’t over do it.” You remind him, and he smiles.

“I won’t.”


	68. DirkJake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Imagine Person A comes home to find Person B sleeping on top of the covers… completely naked.

Dirk finally arrived home after working a double shift and getting stuck in the worst traffic imaginable. He felt like weather beaten paneling of an unkempt home, sad and rotting. As soon as the door was closed he stripped off his shirt and pants, the house nice and warm, perfect for lounging around naked. He headed for the bathroom, wanting to be clean before Jake saw him. He let the scalding water wash over him, trying to work out the buildup of tension in his neck with his own hands, maybe he could convince Jake to give him a neck massage tomorrow, since they both have the day off. His mind wandered to the other glories of his time off, sleeping in, cuddle time with Jake, those awesome hours when he can lock himself in a room and get lost in his own projects; not to mention the sex. He wondered how Jake would feel about tying him up, technically it was his turn to dom, maybe they could do both. What would he do to Jake? A smile crossed his lips when he thought of Jake squirming while being edged, as Dirk took a soft cloth, brushing it over his skin to make up for the lack of attention to his dick. Jake always looked so cute when he begged, it was hot too, but something about Jake’s utmost vulnerability never ceased to make the blonde’s heart melt. The prince shuddered, he hoped Jake wouldn’t ask him to use the gun again. Dirk was up for a lot of things, but sticking a gun, even an unloaded gun up his boyfriend’s ass was severely uncomfortable for him. Maybe he could just rub against Jake’s dick. He liked that, right?

The water was starting to get cold, Dirk sighed and finished up, sauntering to the bedroom. He blushed as he saw what laid before him. Jake was stretched out in Dirk’s favorite outfit, ass-less short shorts that cradled Jake’s cock magnificently, and that tiny vest that made his arms look fan-fucking-tastic. Dirk stood at the edge of the bed, looking down at his boyfriend, hard as hell, thankful that he confessed his fetish to Jake a few weeks before. He let his fingers brush the exposed clavicle, down the sculpted abs, cupping the clothed cock, and massaging those toned, muscular legs. His could feel himself become unbearably hungry for Jake. Dipping his head down, he mouthed clothed cock, fantasies of feeling it become hard in his mouth made him stifle back a moan. He’d sew the shorts back up later, he quickly and quietly fumbled for some scissors in their play closet. Cutting along the seams, he peeled the cloth away from his paramour’s form, seeing Jake’s flaccid cock making his mouth water. He prayed Jake was the heavy sleeper he’d always been tonight, this was too golden an opportunity. He kissed his lover’s shaft, nuzzling it and thinking of how much he loved Jake. Taking it into his mouth, he didn’t waste any time, forcing it down his throat until his nose was against Jake’s pelvis, and he sucked. He sucked slowly and carefully, not wanting to wake the page.

It didn’t take long for the cock to start becoming hard in his mouth, making Dirk whine and stroke himself. Jake was starting to move in his sleep, the prince froze, afraid to move his mouth off of Jake, after a few seconds, the brunette settled back into a still sleep. Dirk carefully withdrew from Jake, checking to make sure the smaller male was actually asleep.

He placed on hand on the bed to balance himself while he checked Jake’s hole, no lube, shit. He wondered briefly if he could finger Jake, but the body beneath him moved once more, thighs clenching and a barely there sleep filled whimper. The blonde nearly climaxed at the sight alone. He was back on Jake’s member, sucking him slowly, lavishing the shaft with his tongue, only stopping when Jake became too restless. His own dick was painfully hard from all the teasing he had done to himself, but he wouldn’t allow himself to come before Jake. He could tell the page was close, precum brushing across his tongue, bitter and exhilarating. He brushed his tongue under the foreskin and across Jake’s slit. His mouth filled with semen, making him gurgle and choke a little and the sudden rush of it. He managed to swallow most of it, painfully aroused at this point, two strokes and he was coming in his hand. He sat there on his knees, head resting against the end of the bed, catching his breath.

He thought briefly of cleaning them up, but the excuse of morning shower sex was too good to pass up. He was going to tell Jake everything he did to him in his sleep.


	69. DirkJake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> But what if Jake one day became very self conscious of his ass. For a week wouldn’t wear the same shorts, he’d wear looser ones. And Dirk started to notice that if they went on adventures together, Jake would make him climb trees first and stuff like that so Dirk wouldn’t have a look at his ass. So one day Dirk got fed up with it. He and Jake proceeded to then fuck and Dirk whispered how “Jakes ass was his” in his ear the whole time and became very dominant towards him? (That anon with self conscious Jake I CANT it was so cute! What if Dirk made him say stuff like Dirk would stop licking his ass until Jake repeated that his ass was cute and fuckable or something)

Dirk was walking behind Jake, their latest adventure to one of the tombs, when Dirk noticed Jake wasn’t in his trademark tight shorts or his signature skull shirt. The clothes had been replaced with looser cargo shorts and an extra-long t-shirt that completely covered his ass. Dirk looked on, questioning why the brunette would suddenly change his wardrobe, but not wanting to impose on his personal dress decisions. He had no right to impose his preferences on Jake, he knew that. Still, Jake had been acting odd recently, when Dirk thought about it. He more than once caught Jake pulling at his clothes recently, could he be self-conscious?  No, Jake English was one of the most confident guys he knew, the guy spoke old timey English like a dork with complete authority.

As they approached a ladder, Dirk noticed it again, Jake tugging at his shirt and pulling up his shorts. “What are we waiting for, English? This is the way, let’s go.”

“Why don’t you go first.”

“Why?”

“I’m….. scared?”

Okay this bullshit had to stop. Dirk stood there, arms crossed, hoping his stare was reaching Jake, he left his shades at home today, but the mask was still an obstruction. Jake looked down, wringing the end of his shirt in his hands. “What’s going on, Jake? You’re not scared of anything and since when do you wear clothes like that?”

“You don’t like them?”

“It’s not a matter of liking or not liking them. They’re not YOU, Jake. You’re the guy who wears next to nothing. You should be in one of those burger commercials washing a car, your clothes are so tight. And now? These tents you’re wearing? It’s not you. What’s going on?” Jake was pulling down his shirt in back, refusing to look at Dirk. The blonde noticed though. “Your ass?! That’s what you’re self-conscious about?!” A blush could be seen on Jake’s neck, surely his face was crimson as well. “Why would you be self-conscious about that?”

“It’s too big. I’ve gained some weight Strider, surely you’ve noticed, at it all seems to go to my blasted derriere. It’s not manly! No gentleman should have a rump this large.”

Dirk was speechless, this idiot, this loveable idiot. Dirk grabbed his wrist, catching Jake off guard, and slinging the smaller male over his shoulder.

“What in blazes are you doing Strider?!”

“Teaching you a lesson.” Dirk was running, he couldn’t possibly wait to get back to LOMAX, opting instead for his all-but-abandoned former home.

Soon he was in the doorway, in his bedroom, throwing Jake down on the bed. He ripped off his mask, the air breathable once more and descended onto Jake’s neck, sucking hard. Jake was scrambling to get his own mask off, Dirk offering no help, just little kisses wherever skin was exposed, neck, clavicle, arms, finger. As soon as the barrier on Jake’s face was removed, Dirk forced him onto his stomach, grabbed him by the hips and was rutting against his ass.

“Oh god!” Jake’s cry only spurred Dirk on. Clothes tangling with limbs as frantic hands tossed them aside.

The blonde growled in his ear, “Your ass is mine, Jake.” The brunette whimpered as strong hands squeezed his cheeks, melting into a massage motion as Dirk repeated, “Your ass is mine. …. Say it.”

“M-my ass is yours.”

“That’s fucking right.” The shorts were removed and teeth nipped at the exposed skin.

“Oh! Golly!”

“You have such as cute fuckable ass, you know that Jake?” The page responded by hiding his face in the pillow as Dirk began to trace his hole with that scorching tongue. Jake was soon grasping at the sheets, aroused and trembling. “Beautiful,” he could hear from further down. “Say your ass is cute, Jake.” The brunette didn’t respond, the pleasure subsiding as stimulation was denied to him. He whimpered and heard again, “Say it.”

“My ass is cute. AH! DIRK!” The blonde was lapping at his entrance, a hand wrapped around his cock, teasing him.

“Mmmnnn. Say your ass is fuckable.”

“My ass is f-fuckable.”

“So how about I fuck it?” Dirk reached for his pants, pulling out the lube and a condom. What can he say? He likes to be prepared…maybe he had planned on riling Jake up in the tomb.

Soon Jake was prepped and Dirk was in him, their bodies flush against each other. Dirk looked directly into Jake’s lidded gaze, words falling from his lips “You’re perfect.” Kissing the brunette as his languid thrusts worked to make Jake relax and more pliable. “Say you’re perfect.”

Jake placed his arm over his eyes, unable to take the intensity, “I’m perfect.”

“Good boy. I love you Jake, love you so fucking much.” Dirk took one of the page’s hands, kissing the palm and slipping fingers into his mouth, moaning around them, watching Jake the entire time. He soon had four fingers in his mouth, lightly biting the tips now and again. Jake a trembling mess beneath him. He moved on to the thumb, and soon the other hand, never letting up on the steady thrusts of his hips.

He moved Jake’s arm out of the way, holding his face, two gazes met, both red faced and panting. Dirk kissed him, sweetly and passionately, kissing Jake’s jaw up to his ear, before whispering “I love you.”

And Jake was gone, his body wracking through his orgasm a feeble “Dirk, golly,” leaving his lips. Dirk wasn’t far behind. As they lay next to each other, catching their breath, Dirk brings him in for a cuddle, caressing every part of him, leaving Jake loose and limp in his arms.

“I meant everything.”


	70. DaveJake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> #6242 Heart players are masters of sex. They are flexible enough to stretch into every position and then some, and switch from dom to sub with ease.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, someone requested this, but as DaveJake. I accepted the request, but realized as I went to write this that neither Dave, nor Jake, were heart players. So, this was kind of the result.

His muscles stretched like elastic behind his head, Jake looking down at him, hungry and wanting. A finger teased his hole, while a wet, hot tongue flicked across his balls. The knight moaned, “Jake.” A goofy, infuriating chuckle as fingers danced on his tip and the finger refused to breach his entrance. “I wan’ it.”

“I’m sure you do, chap. But, I’ve never had an erotic companion so flexible. Got my mind racing, I want to see what you can do." Ankles were eased back down from behind his head, gentle massages on his hip reminded him that the page cared. He was turned over, legs coaxed up, so that’s what he wanted. Dave, with some difficulty, the bed was hardly the best place for this position, curled back, feet planted on either side of his head, dick in the air. Jake didn’t hesitate, descending on his phallus, lavishing it with strokes of his tongue. Dave groaned, both a little uncomfortable, and incredibly turned on. He felt his skin tingle and warm, the pressure building and everything tightening, “Close!” And Jake was off him, both panting, Dave sweating and trembling, Jake watching him regain control. He uncurled himself, body still thrumming with excitement, a rollercoaster in his veins. He looked upon Jake’s form sheer delicacy of the flesh, ripped and glistening, heaving chest. Dave stood, his supple form undulating little movements, partially for Jake, partially to help the near unbearable tension between his legs.

He placed a hand on the dark, broad chest; licking the nipple, earning a “Crikey,” from his lover. The drug of touch helping the withdrawal symptoms from his own high. He kissed and sucked at Jake’s naked form, pushing him against the wall, showering him with affection of every variety. It wasn’t the same high, but it was a damn good substitute. He lowered himself, kissing Jake’s member, down his shaft before licking a path on the underside, swirling his tongue at the pinnacle. “C-close.”

Dave removed himself, climbing onto all fours on the bed. Jake lubed him up, entering him slowly. The adventurer alternated between fast thrusts and slow, leisure one, show a great amount of self-control and driving them both insane. Hands gripped pale hips so hard bruises were sure to form, while pale hands gripped at the sheets in desperation, always brought to the brink of ecstasy before he was forced to retreat. “J-jake, I-I can’t take much more. Fuck, I-I need to come.”

The brunette kissed his lower back, earning a small sob, and began plunging into the smaller male’s for, watching as the body became overwhelmed with pleasure and broken vocals cried his name.


	71. JohnDave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> #9068: Whenever Dave tops John, everyone knows about it because John moans and screams are so loud. Dave now makes John gag himself with his god tier hood whenever they fuck.

Golden rays brushed a near colorless forehead, dewy sleep stuck in the corner of fire. Tangled linens between his legs, a warm, solid form next to him. A doll with porcelain skin and delicate features, lithe and supple limbs that contort in logic defying ways, and ebony ink dusts his brow, a vision of perfection. Hesitant hands brushes against the serene mask of Morpheus, gentle and devoted, as imprints of lavender flashbacks flit across his mind.

_John is naked and panting in front of him, begging to come, but Dave wasn’t finished. He teased the heir’s balls with his tongue, making the brunette sob openly. He was Dave’s masterpiece when he was like this, tears flowing over crimson flesh and heaving chest; barely coherent and desperate. He was too loud though, and must be silenced with that soft god tier hood of his. The male beneath him reaches to remove the gag, that won’t do at all._

Sky peaks out as the moon retreats, radiant sunshine spreads. Dave smiles back and kisses him, nuzzling his neck, whispering, “How do you feel?”

“A little sore.” Raspy voice and a barely noticeable wince. Dave holds the sun in his hands, kissing it and then the sky, and then the world, as Atlas relaxes and allows him to take the burden. Aloe is retrieved from the dresser drawer, soothing the red streaks across the world’s plane.

_John’s wrists were tied, the gag in place. Dave was nipping at every inch of skin on his canvas, painting it varying shades of red, listening to the music of his medium. He swallowed John’s cock, a muffled scream nearly making him choke from his own need. His canvas was pulled taught and he looked down. Beautiful coloring and a place of water around the face, John was ready._

Blankets were arranged, pillows fluffed, coffee brought, amorous wounds were cleaned and treated. Dave held his passion close, the fine details of his work already faded, but the radiance they left behind was worth it. John hummed into his chest, coming up only to eat the offered pieces of food as some shitty movie played in the background. A new warmth radiated from the body, not on of lust and want, but of contentment and security. Dave combed the silken locks with his fingers and left no marks as he peppered the faded piece with fresh kisses.

_Dave was pounding into John while leaving only the faintest of touches on the weeping cock. John pulled against his restraints, wetness coating the hood and his chin. Muffled sounds of someone too exhausted to scream and moan, as more wetness formed around pleading eyes, he was at his limit, the paper still in his hand, but was manipulated, tempted to fall. Dave picked up his pace, lavishing John’s dick with the attention it deserved, singing John praises, he had done so well._

Dave massaged the stiff, aching joints, kissing them when he was finished. A comfortable and languid make-out session was given and gentle cradling of every body part made everything seem so intimate. Gazes held like a spell, neither could move until a flickering break and dusting of rose petals brought more caresses and kisses on the porcelain face. They were happy. Thank god it’s Saturday.


	72. DirkJake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on this pic. http://smutandgore.tumblr.com/post/149669688564/chibinsfw-tt-what-a-dirty-mind-you-have

The last fleeting minutes of wakefulness spread out onto their bed, Dirk tucked behind Jake, nestled into the curves of his body, holding him close. The electric arm sends an unwelcome jolt through Jake’s system, aroused and ashamed, too embarrassed to ask, dick straining against the fabric. Dirk rubs the page’s stomach affectionately, surprised when a choked whine ripples through the sensitive smaller body. He doesn’t say anything, opting instead to let his hand wander, gripping Jake through the fabric of his boxers, a soft moan escaping the darker male.

Large hands dip beneath the fabric, brushing against the scalding skin and weeping member. “Hm, your hard already.” A flush crept onto pale skin, adding to the heat under the blankets, a tender kiss on the neck and a languid stroke made Jake arch, head resting in the crook of Dirk’s neck as the low sultry voice kept talking. “What were you thinking about to get like this?” Another stroke, just gracing the head of Jake’s penis.

“Ah.”

Fingers traced the raphe, the rustle of blankets and tangled limbs as Jake tried to keep still. “Maybe about me? Getting on my knees in front of you, kissing, licking, sucking you off?” He hand became firmer, using Jake’s precum as lube, moving his hand in one stroke, squeezing at the base.

“Ah! P-please, Dirk, like that.” Dirk repeated the motion making Jake groan. He could feel his own sound of need swell in his chest.

“Fuck, Jake.” Pressing his hard-on into the brunette’s plush ass. “Driving me crazy here.” A nip and Jake’s neck before sinking his teeth gently in, for the right amount of pain. Jake thrusted into his hand, whimpering. “You’re so hot, think I could….?”

“Lube?”

“Mmmm, bought a fresh bottle yesterday. I can really slick you up.”

Jake moaned, “Yeah, please.”

A smirk graced vulnerable skin before moving away and a grabbing the bottle from the bedside table. Fingers were soon coated heavily in the substance and penetrating Jake’s vulnerable area. More and more lube was added as Dirk massaged the walls inside Jake, allowing him to melt into the bed, drool and in his own subspace. The sound of the squelching fluid seeping in and out of the puckered hole was enough to leave Dirk trembling for a taste. “You ready? ….Jake.”

The brunette laid motionless, the blonde wondering briefly if he had fallen asleep. A small shifting under the covers and a needy whine told him otherwise. “…fuck me.” A small, desperate plea.

Dirk gently massaged his hips, pushing himself into Jake with ease. He began thrust, soft sounds of skin smacking against skin and a few broken cries from his lover filled the room. Jake came almost instantly, flooding Dirk with a sense of power. The blonde continued to thrust into him, talking to him. “What a dirty mind you have, Jake. Bet you were thinking about all of this, wanting me to fuck you like this. Wanting me to suck you and fill you and leave you boneless. Right?”

A cracked whine was all the noise Jake could offer. “You’re a slut for me aren’t you? Barely had to do anything and you came for me. Bet I could make you come again. You want that, Jake?”

Panting was the only response. Dirk fucked him harder, whispering dirty little promises in his ear. “One of these days I’m going to tie you up and have some real fun. Maybe give you something to keep you loose and limp. Fucking you over and over again, sucking you, making you suck me, licking your hole until you’re so hard you can’t stand it. You will come as many times as I want you to, you will come, Jake.” The smaller male’s body wracked with a second orgasm, tightening around Dirk’s arousal, milking him for every last drop of seed.

The two lay exhausted for some time, hazy and sated. The blonde pulled out and they ended the night in the position they began and a lavender blanket calling them to rest.


	73. DirkJake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This was a combination of a couple of homesmut canons. The one about AR sending Roxy of Dirk and Jake. And the following:  
> #5270: Watching Dirk and Jake have sex would cause someone a lot of second hand embarrassment. Dirk likes to indulge in the fantasy that he's Jake's pimp without stating it or acknowledging it consciously, so he'll get Jake to call him "Daddy" and twerk for him and he'll punish him for trying to be anything but completely submissive and obedient to Dirk's commands. He loves it when he can make Jake cum without touching his dick. Jake loves it too, but he's deeply ashamed of it.

TT: I’m telling you, it’s pretty cringe worthy.

TG: Lay it on me. I’m in desperate need of pron.

TG: *porn

TT: Just remembered that I warned you.

The video started with Jake twerking, ass jiggling, and Dirk’s face in perfect position for it to smack his face every time. Both were completely naked. The blonde groaned out an order, that Jake seemed to ignore, prompting an very different attitude for the prince. Dirk pinned the page to the floor, shoving two fingers into Jake’s ass making him squirm and pant.

“You do what you are fucking told.”

“Yes, daddy.”

Dirk pulled his fingers out, disappearing off camera for a moment, reappearing with an armchair, sitting on it, spreading his legs. “Get to work, whore.” Jake was on his hands and knees, inching closer, apparently not moving fast enough, Dirk grabbed him by his hair, bringing his face into the prince’s lap. “Why you so shy now, huh? Slut. You love my cock, you know you do.  From the look of it (the camera didn’t allow for the best of views), Dirk was rubbing Jake’s face against his cock. Jake’s hands scrambling for purchase of something to grab onto, something for leverage. “Suck it, slut.” Jake was shaking a little, but was soon bobbing his head up and down, Dirk melted into the chair. “Yeah, good job.” Jake started going faster, but the heart player’s hand was back in his hair, regulating him to a slow even pace. “Don’t want to finish too early, you won’t get to come that way.” Jake moaned loudly, shifting a little, squeezing his thighs together, Dirk paid no attention; instead lolling his head back, keeping Jake to an agonizingly slow pace.

After sometime, Dirk pulled his boyfriend off, Jake’s lips were red, drool dripped of his chin. Dirk looked down at his erection, “Damn English, looks like you’re about to blow.” Jake nodded eagerly and Dirk smiled down at him before taking his hand and smacking him across the face. Jake climaxed in that moment, shooting seed onto Dirk’s feet. “Harlot.” Jake whined, it had always been his preferred put-down. “Clean up your fucking mess.”

Jake kneeled down further, licking at Dirk’s feet and ankles, tasting himself against a sheen of Dirk’s own sweat; it tasted like soulmates. He bowed his head when finished, waiting for Dirk’s next command. “Assume the position.”

“Which one.” Another smack across the face. “I mean, which one, daddy.”

“Marking.”

Jake seemed to know exactly what this meant, lying back, torso and limbs spread out before Dirk. The blonde stood over him, jacking himself off until he came over Jake’s vulnerable body. For a while Dirk stood there staring down, Jake patiently waited.

“Good boy.”

TG: OMG that’s some kinky shit. I wish I could tease them about this.

TT: Go ahead.

TG:  But then they know what we’re doing.

TT: It’s not like Dirk could really do anything about it.

TG: Hey, do you have kinks like that?

TT: Roxy, I’m a digital entity.

TG: But your base is Dirky, that means you share stuff. Like kinks ;)

TG: Wanna talk me through one?

TT: …Really?

TG: Lay it on me Hally baby.


	74. DirkJake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your OTP are the parents of a young child. One night, your OTP are having sex when they hear their child asking “What are you doing?” Your OTP is understandably flustered, so Person A says “Wrestling!” The child nods in understanding for a moment before asking “Who’s winning?” How the scenario plays out from there is up to you.

Dirk peeked into Dave’s room, the tyke sound asleep. Tiptoeing down the hall, stripping as he went, he thought of the sweet relief that awaited him. Closing the door behind him with a soft click, the sound sink from the master bathroom. “Alright Jake, Dave’s asleep. We can finally-“

He stood stock still, Jake draped in the doorway, silk panties trapping his growing erection. “I thought something a little special was warranted tonight, after all, it’s been years since we had a full night to ourselves.” Dave was only four, but struggled for years to sleep through the night. Their little rendezvous usually took place in the laundry room, a quick fuck while the baby slept, and even then it seldom happened. Both were usually completely exhausted. Even as he got older, Dave always woke up midway through the night, crawling into bed with them, either from a nightmare or from Dirk and Jake’s inability to get up and tuck him back in. It had been two weeks since that happened though, two weeks of uninterrupted sleep filled nights. Time for the adults to have some real fun.

Dirk marched up, holding his lover close, kneading base of Jake’s cock through the fabric. A whine escaped the brunette, quickly stifled with a lip between his teeth. Dirk watched, adding pressure, it had been so long.  Jake arched against the wall, mouth open barely contained cry, and Dirk felt himself snap. He grabbed Jake, kissing him roughly, lifting him up and throwing him onto the bed. He was on Jake within seconds, ravishing his neck, hands everywhere, urgently trying to touch every spot of Jake’s body. The brunette was panting, mind fading into nothing but a receiver of touch, too overcome with pleasure to move. Dirk didn’t mind in the slightest. Pulling the panties off of Jake, allowing his member to spring free, a brief urge to suck him was quashed, he could do that next time.

His fingers were coated in lube, stretching Jake as he watched the male’s lidded expression blur even further into a glassy erotica. When the brunette arched as his prostate was brushed with an out of practice finger, Dirk felt a resurgence in his hunger, stimulating Jake to orgasm, unable to stop. He waited a few moments before slicking himself up and pushing himself in. “Tell me if it hurts,” he whispered to Jake’s drooling form.

Dirk was slow, relishing the feeling of Jake around him and beneath him looking like the most beautiful of messes. He swelled with pride when his paramour came again, the adventurer almost looked surprised at the dry orgasm. Dirk picked up the pace, obvious that Jake was exhausted, he wouldn't last much longer himself.

“What are you doing?” Dirk bit back a moan as he felt Jake tighten him, his own body also becoming stone.

“Dave?”

“Yeah? Hey, what are you doing?”

“…Wrestling.” He could see Jake glaring at him through the dim lights. _Really?! Like Dave needs to think this is what fisticuffs look like._ While Dirk shot him a look _My dick is still fucking in you and you got a better idea?_  
  


Dave nodded, a look of four-year-old wisdom, he understood wrestling. “Who’s winning?”

Jake had to cover his mouth, his brain still swimming in dopamine and the awkwardness of the whole situation giving him a fit of the giggles.

Dirk cleared his throat, “I am. I won.” The two locked gazes and Jake nodded knowingly.

Jake gave the blonde a soft kiss. “Dave, sweetie, go wait outside a moment, okay? I’ll be right there.”

“But it’s dark in the hallway and the light switch is too far away.”

“See the flashlight on the dresser, take that. I promise I’ll only be a few minutes, okay? I’ll make you some Nutella toast.”

The promise of some sugary treat enough to sway the small child. Dave grabbed the flashlight, stepped out into the hall and closed the door behind him. Both adults let out a sigh of relief, Jake laughing, Dirk soon laughing too. “Alright.” A quick kiss. “I’ll take care of Dave, you take care of yourself.”

Dirk nodded, definitely disappointed, but more thankful than anything else. Don’t exactly want your four-year-old to see daddy’s hard-on.  Jake quickly slipped on his boxers and a robe, while Dirk covered himself with a blanket, lest Dave should peek inside the room.

The night was long, the sheets were changed, and three bodies were nestled into a king size bed in the hopes of getting seven hours of sleep.


	75. DirkJake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt:I love the idea of Jake being able to get dirk to do anything. Not in a bad way, he’s too nice to use it for something manipulative, but if he wants Indian food and Dirk wants Chinese jake can just stick his ass up extra high as he’s lying on the couch and ask again and say please and Dirk will try his best not to fall into Jake’s trap but Jake looks back at him and laughs at his expression and he’s totally done.

The kids were at school, while Dirk and Jake were hammering out responsibilities for the week. Jake started, “Okay, I can take soccer practice and the piano lesson, but you have to take them to ballet.”

“We’ve put them in too many activities.”

“Nice try, they both love ballet, if anything were to get dropped it would be soccer. I think Dave is losing interest in it.” The noticeable deflation in Dirk’s stance made the brunette smirk.

“Has he said anything?”

“No, but he seems more and more resistant to going. I’m just waiting for him to give the word and even asked him a couple of times.”

“Tough, okay, so who takes them to the dentist.”

“Uhhh….what day was that again?”

“Friday at 2:30.”

Jake rifled through his planner. It was his boxed out shooting range time, he was only able to do it once a week. “….Can you do it?”

Dirk shook his head, “It’s my time go Christmas shopping.”

“I could do that for you over the weekend or we could drop the kids off at Roxy’s and do it together.” Jake unbuttoned the top collar of his shirt and rolled up his sleeves. Pulling at the neckline to reveal even more skin before stretching and making an obscene groan.

Dirk laughed to himself, mister subtle over here. “Or you could just take the kids on Friday and that would free up the weekend. He stared at Jake, daring him to continue with his little show.

Unfortunately for Dirk, Jake had anticipated this moment, or something like this moment. He let his hands drift under the table, lightly rubbing himself before unzipping the highest section of his modifiable pants. They went from pants to booty shorts in about five seconds. Looking Dirk in the eye he stood up and stretched, willing his body to look as long as possible. Dirk defiantly kept eye contact. The brunette sashayed to his end of the small table and hip bumped him, throwing the blonde off kilter and receiving a firm slap on the behind in retaliation. Just as he had hoped for, Jake moaned loudly, whispering “again.” Success, Dirk had heard him and slapped him again; another moan, this time with the blonde’s name on his lips.

Dirk took hold of his hips and flipped him onto the table; grinding against him. Being “too tired” for the past week was paying off (well worth the evenings of jerking it in the shower). Dirk was too frenzied to even give much thought to foreplay. Jake fished the lube from his pocket, dangling it in front of Dirk. “Anytime, love.” The depth of the manipulation now apparent, it did nothing to hinder Dirk’s excitement. Pants were off in seconds, and Jake was thoroughly lubed; what he wasn’t expecting was the mouth on his dick. “Oh, god!” Dirk moaned around him, the stimulation from the sheer worship was almost too overwhelming. His face was in his hands and Dirk refused to let up, petting his body, orgasm imminent, one more lap of that sinful tongue was all he needed. And the mouth was off him, hand pinned his wrists above him. He opened his eyes to find an arrogant glint in the sea of lust. He whined.

“I have my plans too Jake.” The blonde’s head dipped low, kissing down his body, making him tremble. Wow, it had been a long time since he received this type of attention. Dirk took his time, showering each individual piece of Jake’s body with attention before plunging into him with no warning. Jake cried out in surprise, but no pain. A hand burned against his jaw, and he knew what Dirk was demanding.

“MORE! Oh GOD, DIRK! You’re the best! Ah! AH! AH! YES!”

Dirk came inside him, nearly collapsing onto of him in the process. Jake finished himself off and the two remained frozen in that moment of carnal bliss.

“So,” Jake huffed. “Dentist?”

“I’ll take them.”


	76. Stridercest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Dave and Dirk had sex for the first time, Dave was surprised to learn that Dirk's penis was bigger than Bro's.

His hands are on you and you like it, you fucking like it. You like the way his tongue presses against the bruise forming on your neck. You like the way his hands, surprisingly gentle, thread through your hair. “You sure you’re okay with this, Dave?” And my fucking god, you love the way he cares for you.

“Yeah, absolutely.” You take your shirt off like that makes a fucking point. He stares at your naked chest for a few moments before removing his own. You can’t help but compare it to Bro’s. Bro never touched you, _a Strider never goes after jailbait,_ he would say. He wasn’t above a nude strut, especially during the heat wave. Him strifing naked actually made up your nightmares for a time. Dirk…he’s the exact same, yet the complete opposite.

He’s kissing you again, moaning in your ear, “Oh, Dave.” You had pegged him for the silent type, like you. His arm pulls at your wrist, placing it on his hips. Where did your pants go? Your erection is practically out on display. It’s terrifying, being this exposed. He’s caressing your dick through you boxers and a moan finally bubbles out of you. “That’s it Dave, relax.” He pushes you back, and you let him. He’s petting your sides and your legs. It’s nice, being treasured. His own hard-on is nearly tearing through his boxers. You choose not to say anything.

Soon, both of you are naked, his cock is on full display, a fucking monster of a dick. Bigger than your Bro’s, how is that possible? What was in his diet, and how can you get some? He’s mussing your hair, the only point of contact, waiting for your signal. You kiss him, and he’s tender, caressing your cheek, giving you every opportunity to back out. “We don’t have to Dave.”

“No, I want to.”

“Why?” He’s testing you, testing your willingness.

“It feels right. I don’t know how I’m supposed to fit cockzilla in me though.”

He smirks at you. “You won’t, I’m going to ride.”

You watch as he squirts lube into his hand, no quite touching, asking for permission again. You nod, thoughts gone as his hands wrap around you.

 

You lie in bed, sated. Something fills your mind, preventing you from sleep. Regret? No, not regret. You don’t regret this, not with Dirk. And you realize, that you are completely at peace with this, it’s a foreign feeling. You two are completely fucked up, but at least you have each other.


	77. DirkJake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on this picture:http://smutandgore.tumblr.com/post/150329712684/ijustwanttodrawthembeingsexy-dick-hard-on-the

The afternoon sun shone into their bedroom, both too lazy to get up. A glorious Sunday, no plans, no responsibilities. Jake had his arm slung around Dirk’s waist, chin resting against his face and shoulder. “We should really get up.”

“Five more minutes.”

Jake laughed, “We’ve been saying that for the past three hours, it’s one o’ clock.” He felt Dirk’s calloused palm brush against his hairless arm. A dread and sadness rose in his chest, he held his breath, nestling his face in Dirk’s soft hair and relaxed. The emotion quelled and locked back in its jar.

“You okay?”

“Yeah.”

“What’s going on?”

“Nothing, don’t worry about it.” Jake began sucking on Dirk’s neck to distract him, he could feel the blonde laugh, a surprisingly ticklish lad. Jake smiled and relented, they settled into few moments of compatible silence, legs intertwined.

“…It was the hair thing again wasn’t it?”

“Not now, resting.”

“Can’t fool me, Jake. I know you were attached to the hair, but really, it’s not a big deal.”

“Says mister manly man.” Jake pouted, he’s been hairless except for his eyebrows and on top of his head for past four years, ever since going god tier in the game. He hasn’t even managed a nice beard. The vision of rugged masculinity was something he always loved, adventurer, strong, hairy, those were things Jake tried to emulate. Now his schema would forever be out of reach for himself.

“Hair doesn’t make you masculine, Jake. If there’s a debate on who is more masculine in this relationship, you win, hands down. I can’t even deal with spiders.”

“Mmm, let’s not talk about it anymore. It’s ruining the mood.”

“Fine.”

They lapsed back into quiet, a bit more strained than before, but comfortable enough. Soon Jake was unconsciously rubbing Dirk’s arms, moving to his chest and belly, in slow rhythmic circles. He heard the prince let out a contented sigh and relax further into Jake’s embrace. The warm body against his in a haze of closeness and affection. He thought it was nice, his body thought it was more than that. He felt himself get stiff and pried himself away, regrettably. “Sorry Dirk, that wasn’t very gentlemanly of me.”

“Jake, I don’t care if you get a boner while we spoon.” The blonde turned over, seeing the tent in Jake’s pants and the delicate rosy hue covering his body, an idea came to him. He pushed himself up, placing long fingers against Jake’s bare, hairless chest. “Actually, this is perfect.” Dirk reached down, pulling at Jake’s boxers, kissing the brunette before he could sputter. With the boxers gone, he moved to Jake’s neck, waiting a few beats, seeing if Jake was up for it.

When a soft “please” escaped the page’s lip, Dirk knew he was in the clear.

“I’m going to show you why I love your hairless body.” He hovered over the brunette, kissing his jaw and down his neck, “No scratchy stubble.” He continued down to Jake’s chest, flicking his tongue across the sensitive pink nubs. “No hair against my tongue.” The blonde left delicate kisses along the lightly toned muscles of Jake’s form. “I can feel how tight your body is with my mouth, no hair to keep me from your soft skin.” A quick dip of his tongue into Jake’s belly button made the brunette gasp. The prince was soon nestled between his legs, kissing the soft, smooth, thighs, moaning against them, Jake watched, transfixed.  Without warning Dirk took all of Jake’s cock into his mouth, sucking fervently, moaning against him. Jake’s head tilted back, overwhelmed with pleasure.

After only a few seconds, Dirk pulled off him, a groaning whisper in Jake’s ear, “And your dick feels so good in my mouth.” He kissed the hollow in Jake’s ear, “No pubes in my teeth, I could suck you all day Jake.” Dirk returned to Jake’s dick, licking him from base to tip, before taking one of the page’s balls in his mouth.

Jake could do nothing, but watch and enjoy Dirk’s ministrations. The blonde was soon gasping against his dick, getting as worked up from giving and Jake was from receiving. “Bloody hell, Dirk.”

The blonde raised up, lidded gaze meeting his, the heat was almost too intense. “Think you could scream my name when you cum?” Jake nodded. The blonde was on him again, sucking even harder than before. Jake wanted to keep his end of the deal, and a little more. “Oh GOD, DIRK!” His hazy mind tried to think of what Dirk liked in bed, praise, he loved praise. “You’re so good, oh golly Dirk. You’re wonderful. Yes, like that.” The brunette ran his fingers through his lover’s hair, what else, what else. “You’re amazing. You’re the best, Dirk, the be-AH! DIRK!” Jake came into Dirk’s mouth, the hot liquid was swallowed without much hassle, not that Jake would have noticed. As the aftershocks rang through him, he tried to ask. “Did you…?

He saw Dirk’s fluid coming out of his boxers. Moving with drunken limbs, he peeled the boxers off Dirk’s form. He sucked at the skin where the fluid hadn’t been absorbed by the cloth, hearing Dirk sigh was music from the angels. He never minded the hair, he liked the texture of everything that was Dirk, against his tongue.


	78. DirkJake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: something with Dirk coming home to find Jake in a cute flouncy dress cooking or something

A long day and even longer commute left Dirk exhausted. Little more than a zombie, shuffling to his next meal and maybe a chance for some rest. Wait, the kids….no. Dave is on a road trip with John and his dad….Jade? Didn’t Roxy enlist her help to set up the room for that foster kid? Rose? Yeah, that’s it. Roxy asked to keep Jade over the weekend as a “kid test run.” Just him and Jake for the weekend.

The door creaked up, a glorious silence reached his ears. No fighting, no arguing, no whining shouts of “Dad! Dave gave my doll a haircut again!” Dirk loved his kids dearly, but the silence was a nice change of pace; if he wasn’t so tired, he’d feel guilty about how much he’s enjoying this moment. Throwing his coat and briefcase on the table in the foyer. Dumbass “IT specialists” that don’t know their butt from a hole in the ground can all officially go to hell. This is why he telecommutes whenever he can. Undoing the button on his collar, Dirk collapsed into the couch, settling in the middle, head thrown back, arms outstretched.

Within a few minutes, he felt someone take off his shoes, his belt, and unbutton his shirt further. A nice warm voice, “Welcome home, long day?” Dirk gave a childish whine, curling into Jake without opening his eyes.

“I hate stupid, arrogant people.”

“We all do, dear.”

The blonde felt unusual fabric against his face. Opening his eyes and detaching himself from Jake, he saw the brunette was in a soft green apron dress. The bodice skin tight while the skirt flared out into a sea of tulle and ruffles. It looked good on him. “Wow,” Dirk met his husband’s gaze.

A look of pity broke out across the brunette’s face as he cupped Dirk’s cheek.  “You look so tired.”

Dirk gave a soft smile, gently taking Jake’s hand and kissing his palm. “Don’t worry about it, looks like you had something planned.”

“I did, but now I have two plans, you can pick.”

“Okay,” an amused tired smile crossed his face as he rested his heavy head in his hand.

Jake snuggled close, tracing the muscles in the pale arm. “We can eat, I can feed you if you’re too tired. Maybe bathe, get you nice a clean, hot water always helps.”

“Mmm.”

“Or, if you want, we can have sex and save that after you take a small nap. -Or-magic third option, you can sleep before anything.”

“I’m not going to be able to sleep after seeing you in that dress.”

“Option two?”

“Option two.”

Jake moved into a straddling position on Dirk’s lap, the blonde’s erection evident through the fabric. Two wearied hands pawed at his waist, trying to hold on, his mind already half gone. Jake grinded against Dirk, making the one beneath him moan. The blonde’s head was back, his hands caressing his lover’s sides, trying to give something back. Jake felt a little guilty, he rather enjoyed Dirk like this. Too tired to take control, all he could do was take what Jake gave. And Jake wanted to spoil him. He leaned forward, brushing his lips against the prince’s adams apple, his hands peeling the clothing off his paramour’s body. Dirk’s breath quickened, just slightly. “You’re such a good man,” whispered in his ear, making his breath catch in his throat, a heat on his cheeks. “You’re such a wonderful husband, Dirk. I love you.”

“m’love you too.” Slurred speech, he’s slipping quickly into it, his defenses are down. Jake peppered the supple body with kisses, a light sheen of sweat appearing. Licking a stripe from navel to throat making Dirk groan.

“Just take it easy love, I’ve got you.” Dirk’s hand’s fell away, drifting to his sides. Jake gleamed at the sight. “That’s it. Just relax.” Pants and boxers were removed, Jake had gone commando, already lubed up. He impaled himself on Dirk’s dick; grinding slowly while singing praises. “My, it’s been so long since I’ve had time to savor this feeling. I’d forgotten how _full_ you make me feel.” Jake kept a slow pace, relishing every blank gaze and bit of drool that came from Dirk’s mouth. “How does it feel?”

“…………..Good……………….really” A giant heaving sigh and sightless gaze. “Really good….Jake……..oh…….oh GOD.” The last word a croak as his body arched slightly.

Jake hummed against his skin, forcing himself to keep a slow and steady pace. “Yeah, you feel good too, love.”

Dirk continued to let out little broken sounds of pleasure, as Jake continued to praise him. “Your really beautiful, you know that? So amazing. And smart. And kind. And **strong.** Say your strong, Dirk.”

“I………………..”

“Come on, you can do it.”

“I-I’m strong.”

“And smart. Say it.”

“And ……s-smart.”

“And wonderful.” A deeper blush bloomed across Dirk’s face and chest. “And cute.” Jake continued the agonizing pace, feeling the pressure in him build. “I’m close. Are you?”

“Yeah, real-lly close. Jake, kiss me, please.” The brunette kissed him softly and sweetly, and they came together.

As the flutters of ecstasy drained out of them, warm rivulets trickling through their veins. Dirk was already asleep and Jake smiled to himself; cuddling against the sleeping form for a while before cleaning them both up. He popped dinner back in the oven, setting on low to keep it warm. And he wedged himself between Dirk’s torso and arm, dozing into a state of semi-consciousness.

When Dirk woke up, they greeted each other with a loving smile and a kiss of mutual devotion.


	79. JohnDave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 8414: Every now and then Dave would sleep fuck whoever was in the bed or room with him. Yes, even his bro or Cal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I could not come up with a satisfying premise for Dave to sleep fuck Bro or Cal. So now, instead, we have this really weird fic that came out of no where. Like…this wasn’t what I planned…at all. The mind is a weird place.

His skin was on fire and John wasn’t letting up. Long nimble piano fingers graced his pale skin, brushing the invisible adornment of his touch onto Dave’s unworthy body. He was the exception to those ramblings of “not gay.” He was the chosen one to receive divine blessing of this elegant angel’s contact.  A caress that sent lightning through his veins and over his body; as the heavenly figure sat back, watching him with a look of reverence that threatened to sear the blonde’s skin and leave him breathless. The brunette’s lithe form, long and lean like those magical fingers that have already explored every intimate area of his being. He quaked with exaltation, the shear summit of happiness threatened to fall from his feet as paradise called him, embraced him.

Ecstasy rained down on him with every thrust. Rapture pulling him to unending bliss, the words “sexual excitement” could not express one tenth of his elation. The rhythmic motion of John’s hips, the little sounds and whispers of each other’s names, like a chant, like a prayer. The whole experience became other worldly, celestial. It wasn’t only his body that received the idyllic static of godly connection, but his mind and soul as well. He was John’s, he could never go back. “You’re doing so well.” A delicate hand brushed the sweat coated strands from his face, cupping his face. In his eyes, Dave saw stars, the galaxy, and the promise of eternity. As he toppled the crest, falling into something that could never be described by human words, “orgasm” not even a close descriptor, he awoke.

He heard his own grunt, fabric in his mouth. Dave bolted upright, looking around, John glaring at him from across the room. “You are so fucking loud. Did you really have to do that?”

“…I was sleeping.”

A small smile graced the boy’s lips and Dave felt his heart ache. “I’m going to make fun of you so much tomorrow.” Turning his back, the moonlight no longer blessing porcelain skin, grace denied. Dave’s pants felt disgusting, his body pillow now likely had a stain, and the object of his utmost desire …. was straight.


	80. DirkJake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You guys remember that plant fucking Dirk story? Well, I kind of made a story based on that premise, but different. It’s just a drabble. Anyway, Dirk and Jake are in a committed relationship and Dirk genetically modified the plant a little, it’s less like to dislocate his joints and is very sensitive to heat. Jake has a heat wand to make the plant retract when he needs to get to Dirk or extract Dirk from the plant’s grip. I hope you enjoy and let me know what you think.

Jake gazed at the lovely sight before him. A new perfectly bred plant, spreading Dirk’s in every sense of the word. Tentacles buried inside the blonde, oozing erotic sap. Another appendage wrapped around the blonde’s weeping cock. The prince himself was far from coherent, glassy eyes, not seeing, as drool fell from his mouth and little sounds from his over taxed body signaled yet another orgasm. His tenth this session. The pale body twitched through the climax, tremors in his fingers and toes denoted overstimulation. Jake pondered whether Dirk was still even conscious, or if his body was on autopilot. Far less semen was collected than the time before, Jake considered, for a moment, while palming himself, if it was time to end their session and allow the prince to rest.

Taking his heat wand, protecting himself against the plant, he approached. Taking Dirk’s chin in his hand he met the sightless gaze, a thrum of heat coursed through his tented cock, as drool collected in his hand. “How are you doing?” More suggestive than he meant, but some recognition was back in those lidded, tired eyes. The gaze looking at his face shifted lower before a small moan escaped the trapped male.

“Wan…..see.” Panting breaths and watering eyes.

“I’m sorry, love, I didn’t catch that.”

Dirk whined, tried to speak again before a choked noise left him, the plant was milking him again. Sloppy kisses made the blonde wrack, coming again, his eleventh time. Several seconds of hair petting coaxed Dirk back from hedonistic bliss. “W-want…..see…it” tears were now streaming down his face.

“You want to see my tallywhacker?” Dirk nodded, or attempted to nod. It seemed that was having difficult lifting his head. The plant tried to reach for Jake again, the heat wand making quick work of the interfering appendage. Jake shucked his boxers, exposing his thick member to his lover. Petting Dirk’s face, he asked. “Think you can suck me?”

Dirk pulled against the restraints, more of the aphrodisiac pollen spilling over him, making him jerk. “Y-y-…P-pl…”

“You ready to come down?” Dirk made his attempted nod once more. Jake took the heat wand, pressing it to the right points of the plant, making it release his boyfriend. Dirk collapsed on top of him, the carnal liquid spreading across Jake’s legs and stomach, tingling and warm. He managed to get them a safe distance away from their slightly dangerous toy, Dirk couldn’t even stand. The blonde was red, hair an utter mess, looking well-worn and delectable. Jake licked his lips, “You ready?” He didn’t have to ask twice, Dirk was on him, sucking fervently and taking the excess plant lube on his legs, spreading it across Jake’s hips. The sensation intense, Jake bucked and Dirk didn’t falter. Soon the plant lube was wiped onto Jake’s dick, making the brunette fall back, suddenly overwhelmed. Dirk moaned around him, wiping more of the substance onto Jake’s balls. It didn’t take long for Jake to come, the taste of him setting off Dirk’s twelfth orgasm.

By the time Jake had collected his wits, Dirk was out cold.

The blonde awoke in a soft bed, naked, but clean. A little sore, bruises were all over his limbs. Jake nowhere to be seen. A small ache of loneliness washed over him, too tired and weak to go find his lover. Jake returned after a few moments, a large water bottle and some pain relievers in hand. “Take these and drink all of it, okay?” Dirk nodded and did as he was told; Jake climbing in bed next to him, gentle caresses against his skin. “How do you feel?”

“Tired, and a little hungry.”

“Hmm, I can fix that, anything in particular you want?”

“Pancakes.”

A smile against his neck, “Righto.”

“Can you stay for a bit, first?”

“Of course.”


	81. DirkJake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on this pic:http://smutandgore.tumblr.com/post/150981123164/grolify-i-uh-i-cant-tell-if-i-like-this

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can’t tell if I like this or not.

You have just met what could be the love of your life at a bar. He has his hand in your hair, balled into a fist, pulling tight. You’re bent of the bed, legs spread and his dick his resting on the separation of your ass. You can feel him dripping as he pulls your head back by your hair. You whine and beg for him to enter you, you want to feel his thick cock split you open and fill you as much as you can possibly stand. Telling him this, he releases your hair and lays his weight against your back, a hand massages your throat, asking. You respond with a groan and wanton grind against him, fill you, fuck you, you don’t have to breathe.

His fingers against your windpipe, tracing, only partially blocking your air, is he scared? After mere moments his touch is gone, he moves the mirror from the corner of your room, to across from you, facing the bed. You watch his leaking erection as he positions it just so. “I like to watch my lover’s faces. Do you mind?”

Your dick twitches, of course you don’t fucking mind. You want to give out some sarcastic remark, but the look of him is enough to take your breath away. All you can do is whine and beg, “Fuck me.” You’re a desperate whore and it’s embarrassing, thankfully, he doesn’t seem to mind. He chuckles at your state, normally a pet peeve of yours, but his voice sounds so nice. The tension is nearly unbearable. He finally touches you again and you groan his name, “Jake.”

He hums against your neck, “My, you sound nice.”

The compliment is another jolt of electricity in your veins, you want to please him. “Jake, more.”

You sound so stupid, but he feels so good. You hear a snap of plastic before two fingers enter you, he knows how to stretch without pain. How fortunate. He’s kinder than the initial play would have led you to believe, “You doing okay? God, you really are a gorgeous fellow. You liked what I did earlier, right?” All you can do is give affirmative little noises, drool is pooling out of your mouth. When did you become this pathetic? He pulls your hair again and you cry out, he’s fucking you with his fingers now.

It’s been a long time since you blushed during sex. Most are easy to please, only wanting a quick fuck. Jake appears to be different, even when you’ve been properly prepped, he isn’t finished. Says he likes his partners limp underneath him. His assault on your senses is more intense than your kink dungeon days, and when you cum violently into his hand he meets your eyes in the mirror; making you watch as he cleans his fingers. It’s too much.

When you can no longer look, that is when he decides to really enter you. He uses a nice warming lube, a guy after your own heart. He fucks you mercilessly, orgasms don’t really end, merely start over again. You lose all track of time, when your brain finally lets you off the dopamine train you’re cuddled in his arms. Not many one night stands do this, at least in your experience. He’s petting your hair and you can feel wetness on your cheeks. “You were so good.” A swell of pride expands your chest and you feel like you might burst. …You feel safe.

The next morning he’s still there, he even made you breakfast and brought you Tylenol. What a nice guy. You don’t want to lose him. He’s one of the few good ones, you can see. Maybe he’s fresh on the market, or has been lurking, or maybe your paths have just never crossed before. You ask for his number, maybe you can go on a proper date. He kisses you, and despite the events of the night before, it is the single most intimate moment of your life.


	82. JakeRoxy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 7605: Roxy and Jake had sex. They both screamed Dirk's name, and never spoke of it again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was fun. Also, never written a trans girl before (at least I don’t think I have.) I was aiming for Roxy having HRT, but no surgery yet. I didn’t go into any insecurity because the focus was more on their mutual pining for Dirk. That said, if you felt I could have done something better in regards to Roxy, please feel free to let me know.

Jake would be lying if he had said he never thought about Roxy, those pretty skirts she wears, the way she flips her hair. He voice is light and airy, gorgeous. Despite all these things though, when he stares at the back of her head, balls deep in her ass and stroking her cock, all he can think of is Dirk. The whine he hears from her, muffled by the pillows, reminds him all too much of his first time, when he and Dirk were together.

It wasn’t fair to Roxy, she’s a swell girl, deserves much more than this. He asks to switch positions, wants to solidify who this is, wants to respect her and love her. It ends up helping some. Watching the golden hair frame her face, her lidded eyes, hearing her clearly. She was bloody gorgeous.

Unfortunately, his mind seems married to Dirk Strider. His hips thrust at a steady pace, but his excitement only rises as he remembers what Dirk looked like in this position. He was a drooler, a screamer, and a filthy talker. Truly a lover that few could ever rival. It wasn’t fair, focus Jake, you’re in Roxy, she deserves your attention. Her scrunched brow and panting breath, she was getting close. He stroked her some more, praising her (an old habit from his time with Dirk.) “You’re so pretty. I want to see you cum. Cum for me sweetheart, you can do it.” The words he spoke to his true love, the image in his mind as he climaxed.

“DIRK!”  
“DIRK!”

After the first crash of orgasm, Jake’s thrusts slowing and stopping. They stared at each other, Roxy’s hand clamped over her mouth, Jake’s mouth hanging open. “You…” He began, he wasn’t upset, it’s not like he was without fault in the situation.

“You…” She said back. Jake pulled out of her, lying beside her. A pregnant silence past between them, both unsure how to proceed. “Was I okay?” Roxy asked, clearly not referring to their mutual faux pas.

“Yes, absolutely! A great lay.”

She giggled, “Good, you were too. It was nice.”

“Good, good.”

They laid there for some time, catching their breath and processing. “….Never talk about this again?”

“….Agreed.”


	83. DirkJake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You could do something where dirk just got his strapon in the mail and is VERY eager to use it, but Jake is busy with something and Dirk attempts (and succeeds, of course) to distract Jake away from his work

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trans Dirk
> 
> So, I was aiming for Dirk having HRT and top surgery. I don’t write trans characters that often, so feel free to correct me on anything.

It finally arrived, my strap-on, a small thrill runs through me. I hold it in my hands and note the end of, I’m very glad I upgraded. The end has a gel like bubble that I can press into and in that bubble is a switch, it vibrates. I need this in Jake now, I need to see him clenched around it, begging for more. I run down stairs, he’s enthralled with his weekly gun maintenance, god damn it. Touching him won’t work, tired it before, he just pushes me away. He seems to sense my presence and turns around, suddenly I feel kind of insecure about asking this, and sheepishly dangle the toy from the tips of my fingers. The smile and the utter lewd smirk he gives sends a bolt of arousal through me. I want in him. He raises his hands, a single finger sticking up, “I’m afraid I need an hour, I’m already half way through my collection and don’t want to abandon them, after?”

I can’t help pouting. “I was thinking now.” I take of my shirt, showing off the piercings he loves. He simply smiles, teasing me. “I can’t possibly now, love.” He gestures at the disassembled gun on his desk. I sigh, feigning resignation and he turns back to his cleaning. Lying on the small couch, I play with the piercings. I remember the conflict I had before getting them, my mind drifting the first time Jake asked if he could lick them and how fucking amazing it felt. I take off my pants and put on the strap-on on, massaging it as though it was my own hard-on, and an idea strikes me. “I rip your shirt off, biting your neck while I pinch your nipple.” Jake turns his head and I continue rubbing the dildo on my crotch, faster now, and arching my back into it. “I push you onto your back, my hands coated in lube as I spread you open.”

“Dirk, bloody hell. What are you doing?” His face is so red and his eyes are so wide, fucking adorable.

I smirk and decide to do the one thing sure to drive him crazy, now that I have his attention. “Ah! J-jake! You’re so tight, fuck!”

I can see the tent in his jeans and he seems fully invested now, I move my hand faster, up and down. He stands up, taking off his pants, yes. He pulls out the lube, not even giving me the chance to grab before he’s stretching himself. I stand up, pulling him into a kiss, letting him moan in my mouth.  As his kiss gets sloppier and his moans grow louder, it’s clear that he’s plenty stretched. I smack his hand away, pulling him towards the couch and bending him over the armrest. I ease the object in, stopping when every muscle in his back seems to tighten, rubbing his sides and coo and try to soothe him. It’s not long before he allows me a little deeper, and the process begins again. When it’s in to the hilt I ask him how he feels.

He moans, “Really full,” and I smile.

“You like this, hun?”

“Yeah,” I reach down, pressing firmly into the gel to start the vibrator. We moan in unison, fuck that’s strong. I begin thrusting getting and extra jolt every time I bury myself in him, the sensation of it against me send all kinds of pleasure through me. I watch him, squirming and writhing against the couch as I fuck him and it’s so fucking hot. I watch him come and don’t stop, continuing my thrusts until he comes again, then I bury it in him and rut against the end of it, finally coming myself.

We stay that way, catching our breath, I drape myself over him praising him for being so good, like he's done with me many times before. He’s crying and I shush him, asking him if I was too rough. He shakes his head, taking several minutes to calm. “That was, bloody amazing. Just a bit….overwhelming.”

I’m nervous to ask, “Would you be open to doing it again?”

“Love, you’re going to have a hard time talking me into doing anything else.” I smile and we cuddle.


	84. DirkJohn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 9349: John is a power bottom and Dirk loves it”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Features a paraplegic John. Let me know what you think. I did to research before writing, but if you think I could have done something better in regards to John, please let me know.

It’s times like this that you wouldn’t trade for the world. John is sprawled out on the bed, you’re pinching his nipples and he’s arching slightly, getting impatient. “Fuck, just suck already!” You do as you’re told, taking one of his long piano fingers in your mouth, lapping at it with your tongue as you suck, adding a second, then third finger in your mouth, and he moans. You’re beaming inside, your dick is straining against the confines of your jeans, but you don’t dare move until he gives the word. His blue eyes lidded, his face is flushing, and you’re so damn proud of both of you. He begins thrusting his fingers in and out of your mouth and you let your hands fall away from his wrist, he’s panting and you don’t think you’ve ever been this turned on before.

It took a while for your two to negotiate how to have a fulfilling sex life, John’s accident two years ago resulted in a complete severing of his spinal cord at his lower back. He was so despondent. It hurt to see him so defeated. You really owe that sexologist, saved you both. You think the intimacy is even greater than it was before, you never realized how delightfully bossy John could be in bed, or how much you would get off on it. “Take it off, take it all off.” He’s panting, not the way he used to, not out of desperation, because it helps him stay excited, which you suppose has its own level of desperation to it. You love seeing him like this regardless. You strip naked and he beckons you closer. You lay slightly on top of him, letting him feel the weight of your upper body against his own, “Do the thing.”

“Which thing?” You’re honestly not sure what he’s referring to, pinch his nipple again? Moan in his ear? Suck on his neck?

He huffs and colors a deep crimson, you can’t help but smile. “The thing with my ear…the thing you did last time.” Oh, that. You lower yourself on him, bring your hands to his chest, grabbing his nipples, rolling them both between your fingers. You capture his earlobe between your teeth, kneading it. The sound he makes almost causes you to rut against him, you hold back though, you don’t want to take him out of the moment. You groan with it between your teeth and he groans against you.

You pinch his nipples harder and pant in his ear, “Fuck John, you sound so good,” flicking the ridge of his ear with your tongue. His hands are clawing at your back, he’s getting close. You move to the other ear, repeating the process.

“Moan again, tell me…..” He can’t bring himself to say it, but you know what he wants.

“You’re so hot like this, I would let you fuck my mouth with those fingers of yours. Suck whatever you want, touch whatever you want. I want to see you come.” And he’s shuddering against you, you speed up your ministrations, not daring to stop until he’s finished. When his arms flop to his side, you finally release him, holding him close and kissing him.

It only takes a few seconds before he tells you, “Get the sleeve.” You wordlessly hand it to him, already lubed, and he holds it up above him. Blushing, you straddle his waist, pushing your dick into the toy, you’re so far gone that soon you’re shamelessly thrusting into it. You place your hands over John’s to help keep him steady. One of his hands slips away and he cradles your balls, and you’re coming hard, calling his name.

When you come down from your high, you tenderly unlatch John’s fingers from around the sleeve, letting yourself slip out before setting it off to the side (you’ll clean up later). Your arms wrap around him the smell of sweat on his head still makes you dizzy, you feel him relax and slip into dreamland. You love this guy, you really fucking love him.


	85. DirkJake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a non-canonical smut scene for my MOD fic. Based on this picture:http://smutandgore.tumblr.com/post/151639982234/alright-i-couldnt-help-myself-heres-some
> 
> Dirk asks Jake to try some light bondage for the first time.

He was bare and spread, cuffs around his wrists. He wasn’t expecting it to be…this overwhelming. “Dirk, darling, you okay?” The blonde took in a long, shaky breath, focusing on the soothing circles Jake was rubbing on his hip.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” He felt Jake drape that long, muscular body over his own, the weight comforting, grounding. Fingers were thread through his hair and a whisper in his ear.

“We can stop. You don’t have to do this.”

“No,” Dirk swallowed the lump in his throat that testified to the fear he felt. “I want to do this with you, Jake.”

The weight slowly lifted off of him, “Do you remember the safe word?”

“Yeah, it’s fine Jake, I’m fine.” Despite these reassurances, Jake spent a long time gently rubbing Dirk’s arms and legs, his stomach, and his hair. The only sound was the occasional sigh or deep breath and the small clinking sounds of the chains on his wrists and ankles. When Jake finally moved on, it was only with the gentlest of objects, silk rubbing on his skin, carefully avoiding erogenous areas. Whether this was to tease or comfort, Dirk was unsure. After the blonde’s breath finally steadied and he seemed relaxed, did Jake actually set the night’s events in motion. He pressed Dirk knees down, spreading him even more open than he was already. Moist air hit Dirk’s cock, making the blonde arch.

“Eager, aren’t we?” Dirk whined in response, bringing his forearm to his face, trying to hide himself. He’d never been so vulnerable. When Jake licked a stripe up the underside of his dick, he almost lost it. Too soon, keep it together. His arm was forced down and his mouth open as he felt the heat of Jake’s mouth on his own. The blonde moaned, everything was sensitive, his legs tingled with the unbearable tension already building in his crotch. It felt like snakes were wriggling in his veins, his heart pounding, and –

“AH! Jake!” Jake was stroking him and everything inside his was thrashing, the intensity was unlike anything he had ever felt. It wasn’t enough yet to cum, more adrenaline than arousal. He was trembling and he felt Jake cup his face.

“Shh. We’re just getting started.” Oh, the sound of the brunette’s voice was like butter. Hands roamed over the blind male’s body, everything alight. Fire rested under his skin, tears streamed from his eyes as a hot, slick mouth engulfed him and a sinful tongue dance up and down his shaft.

“Jake – I- oh fuck! Jake, I’m going to come!” Just as the tension approached its peak, Jake let Dirk’s cock slip from his mouth, the slow movement showing satisfaction, the jolt and cupping of the blonde’s face, the tender stroking of his cheek denoted concern.

“Dirk, is it too much?!” Hands scrambled to remove the cuffs.

“Jake, it’s fine, just overwhelmed.” It was too late, the cuffs were off, Jake was holding him close apologizing over and over.  “Jake, I’m fine, it’s fine, I didn’t use the safe word, remember?”

He felt his paramour relax with the realization. The sound of a pop from the uncapping of the lube bottle, and the squelch of it being squeezed into Jake’s hand. The brunette brought them close together, dicks touching, he took both in his hand and stroked. He watched Dirk arch and listened to him groan, with lidded eyes and panting breath, he spoke. “I couldn’t stand the thought that I had hurt you Dirk. I love you. You’re so wonderful, I don’t want you to feel a moment of pain. I love you. I love you. I love you! AH!” They came together, all over Jake’s hand, heated skin flushed against each other.

As they cuddled afterward, Dirk couldn’t help but ask, “would you be open to doing that again?”

“Did you really like it?”

“Yeah.”

“You cried.”

“’Cause it felt good, overwhelming, but safe at the same time. I trust you, Jake. I want you to do that to me again.”

“…Okay.” Dirk felt himself surrounded by Jake’s form and his scent and everything that he loved about his husband swelled in his chest, as he listened to the slow steady sound of Jake’s breathing, he too fell asleep.


	86. DirkDaveJohn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> #5742: Dave pants and moans like a cheap whore. Whenever John comes over, he and Bro tag-team Dave for hours on end just to hear him lose control.
> 
> *changing Bro to Dirk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ….Apparently, I’ve gotten to the point where I must write subDirk always. I’m going to try and write DomDirk next, just for a change of pace. For now though, enjoy DomJohn and substriders

Dave moans for the umpteenth time tonight. He’s shaking and groaning, John is sucking him off, while Dirk watches. Clothes are not a thing in this room. Despite the erotic vision before him, better than most porn (sorry, but nothing tops that hentai with the tentacle monster), he feels conflicted. Dave is technically his relative. He’d be lying if he said he didn’t find Dave insanely attractive…maybe that has something to do with his narcissism. Actually, that would make sense, Dave is almost a reflection of himself, but at the same time, that takes away a level of Dave’s humanity. To even think of him as another splinter is to deprive him of his very autonomy as his own person isn’t it? So Dirk’s either participating in some complex fuckery (pun intended) at the peak of self-centered heights; or he is actively dehumanizing someone. And of course, he has to be thinking about this while his hand is on his dick and John’s puffy red lips are around Dave’s cock. Dave is making the noise of cheap whore and sobbing, well, more like weeping, like Dirk’s cock. There’s a steady run of precum down his shaft and his hand shakes with self-restraint.

John, his savior, takes Dirk out of his own mind and take’s his choices away. The prankster is a surprisingly kinky guy in his own right. He forces Dave onto Dirk’s red and flushed phallus, grabbing Dirk’s arms and cuffing them, using the longer chain, around Dave’s neck. Cerulean eyes meet vibrant orange as the brunette says with panting breath, “I can’t wait anymore.” He pushes the two into doggy position, Dirk laying nearly flat against Dave’s back. He pulls the top blonde up by the hair, making Dirk hiss and buck involuntarily into Dave, both groaning. The head of John’s cock pushed into his lips as the blue scheming eyes look down at him, “Don’t forget to give Dave what he needs.” And the penis is thrust all the way into Dirk’s mouth, touching the back of his throat. John throws his head back and keens at the sensations, soon pulling at Dave’s hair as well, signally him to suck at John’s testicles. Dirk times his thrusts with John’s and soon there’s an awkward harmony that is both humiliating and exhilarating for both Striders.

The blondes come long before John does. The breath player holds Dirk by his hair as he thrusts into his mouth over and over. Soon, the prince is hard and thrusting into Dave again, the knight sobbing all the while, truly sobbing now, begging “more” pleading, “don’t stop,” the sheer need in his pleas and the spasms in Dirk’s throat is enough for John to finally come, pulling out at the last moment so he could coat them both with his seed.

 


	87. DirkJake(sad)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This was for a meme I did on my blog.

“Dirk, love! Can you help me with the groceries?!” Jake called from the front door. Taking two steps in, he noticed how dark the apartment was. “Dirk?” Something settled in chest, an urgency, something is wrong. The house is never this quiet, as quiet as a tomb. Jake wandered to the living room and the kitchen; soon the spare bedroom, their shared bedroom, footsteps becoming faster. Finally, Jake was sprinting for the bathroom, the door was locked and he was beating on it, screaming Dirk’s name, but the apartment remained sickeningly silent. Jake took out his gun, shooting the handle and kicked down the door.

Dirk was lying in the tub, clothes on, water line up to his waist, tinged red. Jake collapsed by the tub, shaking, non-believing. This wasn’t real. He tentatively put his fingers on Dirk’s neck, there was a pulse. This realization was followed by a small, labored breath from the blonde. Jake took out his phone, set it to speaker and dialed 911. He heaved his boyfriend out of the tub and talked to the operator while he applied pressure to the slits on Dirk’s wrists. He reported the six-inch slice on either arm, and the empty pill bottle he found on the counter-top. The paramedics arrived in a short amount of time, as they were strapping Dirk the gurney, he spotted the folded up note taped to the mirror. He grabbed it and stuffed it in his pocket while he ran with the medics to the ambulance.

He watched as they spoke in medical jargon that he didn’t quite understand. At one point they lost him and Jake felt his heart sink into his gut. They were able to revive him, thank god, but he needed an emergency transfusion. Jake didn’t share his blood type, he never felt so powerless.

As he waited, the nurse approached him, giving him a washcloth and told him to clean up. It wasn’t until he saw himself in the mirror, that he realized his hands and face were smeared with blood, Dirk’s blood. In a haze he cleaned himself up, a janitor disinfecting the sink and directing him where to put the used cloth.

Dirk was out of the ER shortly, moved to a monitoring area. The doctor said he was lucky the brunette arrived when he did, much longer and there would have been no saving him. Jake also received a compliment on his bandage job, but didn’t hear it. Sitting next to the medical bed, he noted the restraints on Dirk’s arms and legs, “Standard procedure for this type of injury,” he said. Jake nodded, not really paying attention, taking Dirk’s hand in his.

He remembered the note in his pocket and started reading. He needed to know what caused this. Dirk seemed fine when Jake left for the grocery store. In his note, Dirk talked of all his perceived fuck ups; real or imagined, from what Jake could tell there was no distinction in the blonde’s mind. He seemed to be punishing himself for not only the few big mistakes he had made, but also every little mistake and faux pas, dreams, thoughts, and his very birth. He calls himself tainted and unworthy; and he thanks Jake for the kindness and love that had been bestowed upon him. He apologizes for taking up Jake’s time and space, with his disgusting form, and not giving anything in return (not true, he gave so much back.) He wished Jake happiness and apologized, once more and for the final time, for the mess.

Jake crumbled the note and shredded it to pieces, he didn’t want to see it anymore. Shoving the scraps back in his pocket, he remained by Dirk’s side, the steady beep of the machine keeping him company.

Hours later, Dirk awoke. “No,” his first word, “No.” Jake kissed him. “I’m sorry.” Jake shushed him, now was not the time.

“Everything’s going to be okay, Dirk. I love you so much,” Jake repeated every kind word he could think of, kissing his boyfriend over and over, before finally cupping his face and looking into his eyes. “I want you here, on Earth, with me. Please don’t do this again.” He knew Dirk didn’t believe him, but that wasn’t going to stop him; even if it took the rest of his life. Dirk needed to know he was loved and wanted.


	88. Cronus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sexcannon:6700: When Porrium could stand Cronus no longer, she suggested he used his hair grease as lube when he masturbated. The burning lasted several days and induced several bouts of crying.

She tapped her finger impatiently on the table as she listened to Cronus ramble on. His words mixed into a repulsive sludge of self-aggrandizement and cheesy pick-up lines that no one would ever fall for. He’s wiggling his eyebrows in a stupid display of sexual interest that makes her skin crawl, posturing and brushing his nicotine stained fingers against her. She almost loses her cool. No matter how many times she says “no,” he won’t stop. He seems to be a few stars short of a galaxy, perhaps she can work that to her advantage. “You’re hair smells nice.” He sits up straight, proud of the overwhelming scent of axe gel emanating off him. While he’s clearly convinced that those ads were true, and that the vixen in front of him would soon maul him in a sexual frenzy, he was not prepared for her unusual demand. “If your bulge smelled like that, I’d be happy to suck it.”

“I could use it as lube.”

She pouts in such a way that creates a visual of those plump lips wrangling with his bulge and he’s ready to do anything she says. “It would taste bad; you could try masturbating with it a few times? And then wash it off? That way it’s clean and smells delectable.” She practically moans in his ear, a little disgusted with herself, but satisfied when he finally leaves.

A few hours later, as she’s turning in for the night, she can hear quiet sobbing through the bathroom door. It’s clear it is Cronus. Porrium takes out the little note pad her purse, writes a note and slides it under the door.

_Next time take “No” for an answer or it will hurt FAR worse than it does now, when I’m done with it._


	89. DirkCaliborn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another story from a meme I did on my blog.

Dirk was eating a meal of ramen and orange soda, the dinner of your average college student. A pile of text books next to him and his computer on an art stream. Maybe he should do one, his patrons have been very patient while he was getting settled.

He retrieved his drawing pad from one of the few boxes he still hadn’t unpacked. And set up, sending posts out through social media, asking for requests. The air in his apartment grew cold, his carefully hung picture frames were ripped from the walls. Not this again. “There goes my deposit, thanks asshole.” In response his books were sent flying to the other end of the room. Dirk lifted his middle finger, waving it around the room so the poltergeist would know how much the blonde hated him. “I will exorcise you, bitch.”

The sound of carving was heard as Dirk looked around the room, “Can’t you use the fucking mirror like a normal ghost?” His words were unheeded as the steady marking continued.

_Draw me some pornography!_

“Dude, these people paid money- HEY! Stop messing with the fucking internet signal!”

_Make me lewd pictures!_

“Could you at least use the word processor on my computer? How am I going to explain this to the landlord?”

Words continued across wall, “Draw Dean and Castiel holding hands.”

“Not the Destiel thing again. Look, this drawing time isn’t for you, it’s for- ffffuuckkk” Three bright red lines appeared on his forearm. He was hard as a rock now and he couldn’t even glare at the thing that put him in this situation. Fuck this ghost, fuck his pain kink, fuck his rock hard dick. This was going to be a long four years.


	90. DirkJake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another edition of the meme from my blog.

The sound of metal clashing filled the air of the brisk fall evening; the sun setting in the distance and the sky was painted pink. The crunch of the dying grass surrounded by orange trees, no one was out except the two of them. Dirk was sparring against his robotic double, fixed up after the game. It always caused more than a little worry in Jake, knowing Dirk’s self-hatred leanings. Usually, the sessions were calming in some odd way, Dirk would stroll back over, sweaty and heaving gulps of air. Sometimes he would dump the remaining contents of his water bottle over his head, like a baptism, cleansing him of the imagined sins that went with simply being himself.

There were sometimes days like today, though. His strikes increasing with anger and a fierceness in his eyes. A loathing so toxic that his true existence ceased and he was only the destroyer. His destroyer. The clangs became more erratic, his swings became clumsy and desperate. Brobot was struck repeatedly until his head was sent flying across the clearing. Dirk stood poised above it, sword ready to obliterate the body and Jake knew he needed to intervene.

He ran and wrapped his arms around Dirk’s waist, rubbing his stomach, then his arms. He cooed at his boyfriend in a calm soothing tone, “Shh, how about we put that sword down now? You don’t need it. There’s a good boy, Dirk. Let it go chum. It’ll be alright.” Dirk deflated with his words, and they both sank to the ground, Jake continuing his chant and ministrations. He felt Dirk talk in several shaking breaths before turning toward him and burying that sweet face in his neck. Threading his fingers through the soft golden hair he coaxed Dirk into his lap. “Atta boy. You don’t need to do that. You’re too good for that. You’re so wonderful Dirk.” He kissed the blonde’s temple and down his neck, chaste little kisses as his hands rubbing the prince’s back and outer thigh. He knew better than to comment on the shivers; these shivers weren’t from him, merely physical ripples of a ravaged mind bent on self-destruction. He also knew not to touch the erection pressing into his stomach, not with Dirk silent and limp in his arms. “Shhhh, don’t listen to those thoughts love, they lie. Remember?” A grunt of begrudging agreement. Jake chuckled, “That’s right they’re filthy liars, they don’t deserve a shadow’s place in that palace of a noggin you’ve got.” He felt Dirk smile into his neck and felt himself smile too. Progress.


	91. DirkJohn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meme from blog.

John was relaxing on the couch, some TV program about mothers putting their children in ridiculous costumes…he wasn’t really paying attention to it. His attention was elsewhere; on that audition he botched. He started out too quickly, the rhythm was all off and he had made so many mistakes. Dirk tried to soothe him with comforting words, but nothing the blonde said could convince him that he had done anything right. He had a chance, his fucking dream school, and he blew it.

He tried again to concentrate on the TV when Dirk reappeared…when did he leave? He was decked out in high heels, fishnet stockings and a sexy super skimpy version of the ghostbusters jumpsuit. The outfit framed his junk perfectly, Dirk even had the back and nozzle, with goggles on his forehead. “There’s a ghost around here somewhere.” John’s response was to sit there, unsure if he was supposed to be amused or aroused. When the blonde turned away from him and began looking under furniture, the feeling of confusion intensified as Dirk's ass cheeks hung out of the suit.

John was settling into a state of great amusement as Dirk thoroughly searched the room, committed to the bit. He made his way over to John slowly, taking a breath before stating in a grave tone. “John, I’ve found the ghost.”

Trying not to laugh, John responded “Oh? And where might that be?”

“In your pants.” Needless to say, John had never laughed so hard while receiving a blow job in all his life.


	92. JakeDave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sexcannon 5007: Striders have extremely sensitive hands. Sucking on their fingers is one of the best ways to get them aroused.

“What are you doing? Dave?” The only answer was the clicking of the keys, the blonde’s face staring adamantly at the computer. “What could you possibly be doing that is so interesting?” Jake scooted across the couch to see Dave having a thorough argument with John and the merits of the Sanderson sisters. John seems to be caught on the quality of looks and moral alignment, while Dave chose to give an entire dissertation on how each serves the plot, is developed in their own way, and singing talent. “Dave darling, while I’m sure this is very important to you, could I have your attention for two shakes?” Dave ever-so-slightly tilts his head in Jake’s direction, listening. Jake picked up his hand, licking the tip of Dave’s index finger. “You see, I have a problem in my pants that only you can fix, love. My gun needs to unload in your holster, my dragon needs to be tamed in your dungeon, my-“

“Could you at least say it in a sexy way?” Jake glanced up, his line of sight marred by the black abyss that was Dave’s eyewear. He pinched the bridge of the shades, yanking them off. Just as the knight was about to protest, Jake slipped one of the thin fingers into his own mouth, cutting off any complaint. Jake watched as a small dusting brushed across his boyfriend’s cheeks. Trying to regain control, Dave pulled his hand away, only for the brunette to chase after it, flicking the very tips of the blonde’s index and middle finger, before taking them in to the knuckle. “Fffuck, Jake.” Dave gasped as he shifted in his seat, easing his laptop off his boner. Jake moaned and accepted Dave’s ring and pinky finger into his mouth as well, slicking them up with his drool as he did his best to give Dave a look of desire. His teeth grazed the line where the fingers meet the palm of the hand and Dave moaned lowly. The laptop was haphazardly set on the coffee table as the knight clawed at his pants with his other hand, palming himself when he succeeded.

Jake pulled the fingers out of his mouth and turned the pale hand over, licking and sucking at the palm. When he lightly pinched the meat of the palm with his teeth Dave, shuttered and began panting. “So, how’s about lil-Jake explores your cave?”

“F-fuck, yes.”

“Marvelous.”


	93. NepetaDirk (Bloody and sad)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From meme on blog.

Your blades meet with a resounding clang hanging in the air, daring you to move first. The asphalt scrapes under your feet as you try, and fail, to hold your stance. Leaping back, you try to regain your balance when she leaps at you, bladed claws reaching out. Your reaction is too slow, your reflexes out of practice as she nicks your face. You dive left, away from her as she bounces from the pavement, redirecting herself towards you.

The ice cold metal burns your skin in a way you can’t describe and you’re on your back with those feral eyes gazing down at you. “Tell me the codes,” she says. And when you refuse to speak, you get the rare opportunity of feeling a blade slice through bone, you scream in your anguish and she’s repeating her question.

“Fuck you.” You no longer have two arms and are missing some of your blood.

“You’ll die if you don’t tell me.”

“I’ll die either way.” The manner in which she sneers at your words turns the adrenaline and frantic pandemonium in your skull into a force all its own. You push her off with a surge of energy and reach for your blade with your good arm, she wasn’t expecting that. With all of your anger, you lash out….

…and she bats you away like a fly. Your head lands on the ground, rolling to her feet. In a last act of utter disgust and disrespect, she spits on your face. Your body is left to rot until morning when the local authorities find you. The FBI is notified, another secret agent gone.

Your boyfriend isn’t told, he sits on the couch of your suburban home, cuddling with your dog, eagerly awaiting your return home.


	94. JohnDave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From the meme on my blog.

John laid on the bed, stark naked as Dave artfully draped a blanket over his form. Bright lights were trained on the vulnerable body. Cameras on tripods were positioned towards him, three at different angles, one in front of him, one above him and one capturing his profile off to the side. He flushed and took a heavy breath, his mouth dry and every muscle in his body tightened with nervousness and embarrassment. “Relax.” Dave stood next to him, fully clothed, the bastard. “I wouldn’t do anything to hurt you, you know that, right?” A pale hand threaded through dark locks, massaging the scalp underneath. “We can stop. You don’t have to do this.”

“Promise me this won’t end up on Facebook or on the cloud.”

“It won’t”

“I still share that cloud with my dad, Dave.”

“I swear John, these will be for my eyes only.” John shuddered at the implication, Dave’s own personal stash of nude pictures. This photo shoot is for him, so he can capture the brunette in a vulnerable state and crystalize it into an erotic gem.

“Okay.” Dave smiled, the heir admired the crinkle in the corner of his eyes. No shades, an act of solidarity and reassurance. Taking another breath, John tried to relax himself and allow the blonde to take his pictures. The first flash disoriented him, spots in his vision, don’t look directly at the camera. Still, each moment the light touched his skin was like a caress to his soul. Invisible fingers tracing the lines of his form and whispering praises that fanned his vanity. Dave didn’t comment on his erection, but he did make use of it for the shot. He re-positioned his camera, removing the blanket from the brunette’s phallus, but still looping around his shoulder and ankle; like delicate bondage.

After a few shots he placed a pillow under John’s lower back and draped the silk cloth over the cock. Taking a series of fast frames, documenting the staining of the fabric. The heir was beginning to feel self-conscious, restless fidgeting ruining several frames.

Dave unbuttoned his jeans, bringing out his own erection, straddling John’s face he pressed the tip to John’s lips. Letting the brunette lose himself in his carnal oral fixation, Dave was careful to avoid messing up the artfully mussed hair of his beloved. As drool began trickling down John’s chin, Dave pulled himself off, ignoring the ache he felt in his balls. John tried to sit up, only to be met with insistent fingers pushing him down. “We’re not done with the shoot.”


	95. Davekat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From the meme on my blog.

“I can’t believe this. I can’t fucking believe this.”

“I told you to calm down.” Dave said, scissors in hand, cutting strips of fabric away from Karkat’s body. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone get this tangled up in a sex swing.”

“How many people have you done this with Dave?”

“Well, none, but I pretty sure you are the only person that can do this type of damage.”

“Well, if you had just fucking got on with it, like I asked.”

“Begged, you begged me to let you come. It’s called being a dom, Karkat.”

“I blame you for this.” A click was heard and Karkat looked up, “Fuck you.” Dave had a stupid grin plastered on his face and his phone in his hand.

“Memories.”

“Fuck you, FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU!”

“I tried sweetheart, that’s how we got into this position.” Karkat grumbled under his breath while Dave held back laughter until the troll was finally free.


	96. John/Jake/Aradia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Homestuck sexcanon 8653: John, Jake, and Aradia are all asexual they like to meet and talk about everybody else's fetishes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> REALLY SHITTY FANFIC ALERT! This is so awful and so short.

The three sat around the table, the monthly gabfest among the trio about their partners. Jake was the first to start. “So, Dirk revealed a new kink to me last week.” Aradia leaned in with interest, John seemed ambivalent. “Apparently he likes to be choked while he masturbates.”

John decides to pipe up, “So does Roxy, I’m just not comfortable with that. She doesn’t force it, but I worry that she’ll try to do it herself sometimes.”

“I was nervous about it too, but there’s a way you can work around that. I’ll send you the wiki-how.”

John nodded, returning to a state of general conflict about this whole affair, just like every month. Aradia decided to chime in, “Sollux finally admitted to his honey kink.”

“What do you mean?” Jake leaned in.

“He wanted to drizzle hot honey on his body and lick it off.”

“Did you?”

“Off his chest, there wasn’t much point after that.” She grinned wide and the boys laughed.


	97. DirkJake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on this pic:http://smutandgore.tumblr.com/post/152356992114/first-time-dirkjake-nsfw  
> And in response to the initial snapchat updates.

It had taken two years to get to this point, both of you naked, Jake’s ass swaying in front of you. After the game ended and the two of you were declared kings of the consort kingdom, Jake changed. Maybe you did too. You didn’t chase him when he left your workshop, sometimes you didn’t acknowledge him at all. You both managed to find common ground somewhere, between the isolation and control. Tethers attached the two of you, to give you the security that he would always come back, and him the freedom to do as he pleased.

A year ago, you two kissed for the first time since the game. It was clumsy, out of practice, but there was sincerity in it. A genuine desire, his hands gripped your hips, telling you how close was close enough, your fingers in his hair directing him. A cohesion, a symbiosis of desire that wasn’t blocked by each other’s selfishness. You two had learned to give.

Six months ago, during a make-out session, he awkwardly palmed your erection, making you choke on his tongue. You learned that he likes to see you flustered. He likes watching you. The knowledge fanned the flames already a skyscraper’s height on your skin. The heat licked every fiber of you, and when he whispered in your ears, “You look nice like this,” you humiliated yourself for him. He didn’t judge, he actually seemed quite satisfied with himself.

You learned three months ago, that he likes it when you beg for him…and that he has more control over his residual hope powers than he initially lead on. Anything Jake wants, has a tendency of turning up; even when that something is your desire for him. He hadn’t meant to the first time, to make you sweaty and desperate. He was safely locked away in his room, thinking of you, wanting you. When he saw you against the wall in the corridor, red and panting, doing everything you could NOT to beg for his dick. He kissed you, he knew what he was doing then, “Cum for me.”

You were kind of surprised when he asked you to top. You finally worked it out of him that he loves having his ass played with. You never knew, his ass was mostly off limits the first time through. You spent several nights doing what you could, discovering what he liked. He could take the biggest dildo you had and still beg for more. He loved it when you kissed him open, you came several times that night; because he wanted you to.

Now, he’s here and more into it than he’s ever been, for some reason that makes you nervous. “You sure you want to go through with this?”

“Yes! You’ve asked a dozen times already…” You rip the wrapper off the condom, you suspect his powers are coming into play because you are painfully hard and pray that you don't cum prematurely. “If it hurts I demand you just keep on with it.”

This is where you draw the line powers or no powers. “No, if it hurts too much you’ll tell me and I’ll stop.” You won’t hurt him, ever, at least not in any way he wouldn’t enjoy (another discovery of yours, he likes to be roughed up a little.) You love him so much, you look up to find him flushing deeply, eyeing your cock. Please let this be good for him. Your mouth is a little dry when you say, “I’m done, you ready to give it a try?” Pressing the head of your dick to his opening, not pushing it in, but tracing it because you know he likes it.

“Ah! Y-yes. Give it your best shot.”

You watch as his hands curl into fists against the sheets “I’m serious, tell me if it hurts.”

“Yes, yes.”

You press into him and “Fuck,” he’s tight, even with everything you’ve put in his ass the past few weeks, he’s tight. God he feels so good. “Just a bit,” He’s taking you pretty easily. You lose control of your own hips and slip the rest of the way into him.

“Ah!”

“It’s in….to the hilt.”

“G-good.”

He sounds overwhelmed, “You okay?”

“Yeah, just give me a minute.” You watch for a moment, taking it all in. Jake English is wrapped around you, eyes scrunched as he breathes through this intimate moment. You love him. You love him so fucking much. You curl your body around him, kissing his neck in reassurance. You’re here and he means so much to you.

You feel him start to relax. “Heh, it hurt less than the bloody tattoo did.”

Something in his voice makes you want to give him everything. Every ounce of pleasure possible. You want to hold him close and feed every part of you into him. He can have everything. “Good,” you say, gripping his shaft. You work him slow, pushing away the part of you that wants to piston into him until he’s nothing more than writhing mass beneath you. No, Jake deserves more. You time your thrust with your strokes and he’s arching into you. “This good?” You ask, maybe he wanted something rougher.

“Y-yeah, it’s-AH!- it’s really good. …Oh Dirk, Dirk.” The way he calls your name steals the breath from your lungs. You do your best to keep your pace steady, but when he starts calling “HARDER! FASTER! YES!” Your hips have a mind of their own. Even when you cum you can’t stop. Soon you’re panting in his ear, telling him how much he means to you, how you know he’s using his magic. You tell him that you love it. You tell him that you could do this all night.

You two shudder through about five orgasm each. The condom tore at one point, cum leaking out Jake’s ass. Once the haze has mostly left you, you clean him up. He purrs once he’s back on the new earth, smiling at you. “You’re very gentle.” You just smile, unsure if he’s talking about the fucking or the cleaning. His fingertips trace your chin and you look up at him, the drunk grin plastered on his face as sweat soaked hair clings to his forehead. “You mean a lot to me too.” You’re not sure why tears flow from your eyes at this point, but Jake is kind not to mention it. He merely coaxes you back into bed, thanks you for the clean-up, and tucks himself into your chest. You stay awake nearly half the night because you don’t want the moment to end. You want to bask in this forever.

When morning does arrive, Jake is still here with you, kissing you awake. “How about some crepes?”


	98. DirkJake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Homestuck sexcanon 8914: Jake has a habit of wearing kilts. As traditional, he wears nothing underneath them. Dirk likes to use this to his advantage as much as possible by easily being able to put his head under and suck Jake off.

Dirk was working on his newest robot, one that would be bigger and stronger than the Lord English one. He heard Jake’s light footsteps near the corner of the hazardous room, broken pieces and parts all around. He sealed the seam to the first arm and turned off the tool. As he took off the welders mask he noted the calming blue of the room, illuminated by the darkening sky and the setting sun. He opened a window to relieve the smell of burning metal and heard the bustle of the consorts below. Damn, he forgot to pick up that really good pie the salamanders made. Maybe he can convince them to set one aside for next week, he is their king after all. Finally turning to face Jake, his jaw fell open as his eyes danced over the boy’s form. A sheepish grin and a gaze that refused to meet his, a glow of pink dawn melting over his face and shoulders; looking exceptionally bright against his black shirt. Resting low on his hips, not quite meeting the edge of his top and showing off the beginnings of his V, was a forest green kilt. Jake shuffled a little, looking at his feet, “Apparently, the consorts have traditional royalty garments.”

“Is that supposed to be regular wear or….for a special occasion.”

“Er…it’s a…” Jake cleared his throat and muttered into his hand.

“I’m sorry, a what.” Dirk could feel himself smirk. It wasn’t every day that Jake was so flustered.

“It’s a fertility garment. They ..a…were arguing about whether it was sitting too low or not, and wanted the-er-they wanted your opinion.”

Dirk felt the heat rise to his own cheeks and swallowed. “Take off your shirt so I can get a better look.” His voice huskier than he meant. Jake removed his shirt at what felt like a glacial pace, each ab revealing itself, he really had grown quite buff over the years. His shoulders broader, his muscles more defined. Not that Dirk wasn’t built himself, but there was a greater refinement in Jake’s physique. It was the ideal body of renaissance paintings, the body of Eros. The blonde kicked the forgotten scraps on the floor out of his way, as he walked over to Jake. Placing a hand on the brunette’s chest, he felt the tempting heat of a youthful form, calling to him for an embrace. Instead, he traced the lines of Jake’s body, the page watching him all the while, both in a tactile trance. The spell was broken when Dirk brushed his fingertips over Jake’s nipple and received a little gasp in response.

Following the kindled and growing fire inside him, Dirk licked the pink nub, making Jake lace fingers in the soft blonde hair. The prince sucked and bit and nipped at one and then then other. Pleasant little sighs fell from the brunette’s mouth and as slender fingers brushed the edge of the kilt Jake gasped and bucked. Looking down he saw Dirk grinning at him, “You make the best noises.” The half-naked male flushed deeper, changing from a rosy pink to and sun scorched red, his dick lifting the skirts slightly

Dirk sank to his knees, and threw the skirt over his head. He saw Jake’s leaking member, apparently he had gone commando. Raising his head to lick the testicles before taking one, then both into his mouth and sucking as hard as he could. Clumsy fervent hands tried to pet his head through the fabric and he moaned and continued sucking. He let them slip out of his mouth to better worship Jake, the way he deserved. Dirk soaked Jake with his saliva, flat tongue along the underside of his dick. He nuzzled and kissed along the shaft, each kiss a prayer to himself and to Jake. The saliva holy water, blessing the semen that rest within, covering every inch of Jake’s manhood, the steady chant of incoherent reverent words that, fingertips tracing sacred symbols on the wet skin. Dirk teased back the lid of the opening with his tongue, the chanting becoming louder and faster, the ceremony almost done. When the fluid was released into the eager chalice and swallowed, ambrosia for the two gods, the prince felt a hum in his veins, the earth shook around him and he balanced himself, reclining backwards on tender elbows, gazing into the divine a satisfied look on his face. His own dick straining against his jeans was mostly unnoticed.

Jake was ready to offer himself at the altar, kneeling down he uncovered the monument of his lust, swallowing it down, Dirk’s turn to chant. His chalice not unable to hold all of the sacred fluid, he cleaned as best he could.

On the floor, both panting after the exhausting sanctified ritual of theirs, held tight to the others’ hand. “I think the kilt is fine where it sits on your hips.”

Jake released a brightness in his laughter before burying his head in Dirk’s neck, praying for the moment to last forever.

Little did the two realize, the seamstress consorts were outside the door and heard everything. Gossip spread the next day of the power of the fertility kilt.

 


	99. DirkJake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From a meme on my blog.

The game was over, the team lost, not that it mattered to the two boys sitting alone in the tiny changing room for the college marching band. A room so tiny that only a handful could fit in at a time. Most just walked home in their uniform, not seeing it as even worth the effort, only the supreme dorks used this room. Not for changing, well, not only for changing, but to clean their instruments immediately after use. Dirk taking the longest out of anyone with his perfected twenty-five step method, all while in his clunky uniform. Jake watched him, sometimes hiding a piece to screw with Dirk or covering his eyes so he couldn’t see what he was doing. Although the latter had become less of a prank and more of a challenge, taking all the fun out of the gesture. After forty minutes, Dirk’s trumpet was securely tucked away in its case. Jake’s drum long since put away and himself already changed.

The brunette watched as the blonde took off his pants, tossing them to the side. He reached up to unzip the back of his jacket, trying to pull the zipper with the very tips of his fingers, like always. Jake grinned and set the timer of his watch, eager to see the show of Dirk dancing around, he was always so stubborn.

Tonight apparently was not the night for games though, Dirk looked at Jake as the darker male looked up from his watch, dark bags under a dim fire. “Unzip me, please.” Midterms and his own self-induced stress had finally caught up with him. Jake approached, grasping the zipper and pulling on it, only for it to get stuck halfway down.

“Oh dear.” Jake tutted, “It’s stuck.”

“Dammit,” Dirk whined, lack of sleep turning him into a petulant child.

Jake, unable to hold himself back, teased, “Well, it’s nice to have you so eager for me to undress you. This isn’t really the place though, remember freshman year?”

Dirk laughed as the fond memory of the janitor walking in on them after they had managed to get high for the first time (never trust a senior with weed) and have the most giggle infested sex Dirk had ever experienced. “Yeah.”

“Mmm….I supposed we could have a repeat venture. What do you think? Hmm? Maybe it’s time for some nice relaxation. Let me suck you? The week has been brutal on both of us, I’d love to have your think tallywacker in my mouth. Feel you penetrate throat with your shaft against my tongue? Let me moan as you fuck my face?” His hands wandering beneath the waistband of Dirk’s trousers, he was a little upset to find his lover flaccid despite his words. He soon realized why as the full weight of Dirk fell back against him, causing Jake to stumble. Easing them both to the floor, Jake checked his breath and pulse before calling Roxy, Dirk’s pre-med twin sister. After a quick discussion, she suggested he take Dirk to the campus nurse, just in case; she and Jane would swing by and pick up their instruments.

Jake, having no mind for decency or his boyfriend’s pride, carried Dirk across campus in his marching jacket and boxers. Many saw. Dirk was fine. The blonde later found pictures had been taken, it would be several weeks before they were finally tossed aside by all, except Roxy.


	100. DirkJake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on this pic:http://smutandgore.tumblr.com/post/153206907404/smutandgore-dirks-first-time-jake-a-little

His arms wrap around you, strong and solid, his hot, wet tongue against your neck, searing you, branding you. His mark will forever leave an unseen scar that you willingly allowed. Jake English is about to be your first. He whispers sweet reassurances in your ear as a blush shines at the surface of your skin. He chuckles with a voice that sounds like sunshine and lazy mornings, relaxed and light. His fingertips graze your abs, sinking barely lower, brushing against your pubic hair. A snowflake flurry threatens to storm you mind before his fire presses against your back, melting it all away. You feel pliable.

When he’s laying you on the bed, naked and shaking. He mistakes the tremors for anticipation rather than anxiety and presses one of his fingers into you and you ask him stop. Eyes covered, unseeing, you can’t see your own failure right now. It’s too much, too hard. You ruined everything, he’ll never forgive you.

You hear a small sigh, disappointment? Resignation? His hands leave you as your skin falls into the crater of your all-consuming soul. A black hole from which nothing can escape, pressed, and squeezed until it is nothing. That is, until his delightful little moan fills your ears. Peeking through you’re self-imposed cone of punishment, you watch a scene of pure pleasure before you. His brow scrunched as his fingers plunge inside him, leaving his mind blank and free from your corrupting touch. You watch as though he is your god, bestowing on you the demonstration of a miracle. The soft glow of his skin against the sheen of sweat building on his brow, pure, intangible. He’s allowing you a glimpse into the garden of Eden, such a filthy soul as yours, he shows mercy. He shows love.

He pulls his fingers out abruptly, turning his back to you, realizing how worthless you truly are. At least, that’s what you thought. He shimmies back, rising up and impaling himself with your unworthy sword, grunting, “If I’m bottoming, we’re doing my favorite position.” His words may as well be god’s without the voice of Metatron as a translator. You mind is gone, some wonderful form of insanity threatens to take you and break that faulty crystal ball of yours. He fucks himself against you, and all you can do is watch your dick disappear inside him. He’s moaning and praising your length and thickness, rubbing some of his ethereal glow on to you. He takes you to heaven.

As you float back down to earth, clutching his sweaty body as he is the only one with wings, you merely a visitor to his grand palace. You whisper how much you love him. He’s already asleep.

It surprises you when he brings you breakfast from a diner down the street. It shocks you when he suggests that you two stay in bed all day, you, a lower being. What makes you cry though, and feel most unworthy of all, is when he kisses your nose and tells you he loves you.

You will forever bare yourself at his alter, let him take all of you, destroy you and leave nothing behind. A footnote in his story is all you ask for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think 100 is a good number to stop for one story archive. I'll make another one for future drabbles.

**Author's Note:**

> For more sexcannons check here: http://homestucksexcanons.tumblr.com/  
> And to see these as soon as I post them follow me here: http://smutandgore.tumblr.com/


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